Coming up is Father's Day, which always falls on the third Sunday in June.
And many are looking forward to celebrating it. Some are trying to figure out the right gift for their dad. Maybe a dinner. Or a necktie. Maybe cologne. A gift card tucked inside a greeting card. Something to show their esteem and love for the man who raised them. And that's a good thing.
As for me, I never celebrated anything about my father. Even though he passed in 1970 at age 60, it's difficult for me to dredge up anything good about him.
In fact, when he died, someone called to tell me, and I said "Good," then hung up the phone. I never went to the funeral, and I never grieved his death. As far as I was concerned, he was dead to me the last time I saw him, when I was about 15 years old.
I know it sounds like I'm still angry and bitter toward him. And while I used to feel that way, I no longer do. Once I got sober, I started using the principles of the 12-step programs to get rid of my anger and resentment toward him. And anyone else that I had angry feelings toward.
My anger and resentment toward my father stemmed from his alcoholism, his brutality to his children, and anyone else he felt like beating. But it wasn't until I got a few years into sobriety that my feelings changed. And that was when I began to understand the dynamics of alcoholism and how it affects different people. While I don't have warm fuzzies toward him, at least I understand him better.
After working with alcoholics for 30-plus years, I've learned that many of us had terrible relationships with our fathers. And those relationships pushed us into our own addictions in many cases.
But eventually, we learn we must move on with life, regardless of who harmed us in the past. Otherwise, we might follow the same path and have a miserable life..
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