I received an e-mail from an out-of-state counselor, saying she'd referred several "desperate" addicts to our facilities in Arizona and Nevada. And she also made a comment about TLC being the only place an addict can get into without “having a cent." Her remark reveals the secret of our success.
Experience has taught us that when addicts or alcoholics show up with money they probably aren't done. Somehow, the alcoholic brain can find a shred of control in such circumstances. On occasion we’ve told addicts who show up with cars, luggage, and a girlfriend, to go back and continue to drink or drug until they lose everything. While we don't always do this, we’ve done it on occasions when an applicant seems very full of himself. While this might be judgmental on our part, our experience shows us when addicts haven’t hit bottom they have a more difficult time getting sober. For those of us who’ve had our asses beat by drugs and alcohol there is absolutely no question about our control – or more specifically – lack of control.
Some who run programs ask us how we make it financially when we take people in with no money. And you know, that's a very good question. After all, everyone needs to pay their bills no matter how pure their aspirations and goals. But somehow we've always been able to pay our bills. Our experience has been that we collect about 85% of the money we charge. I believe that when we have a strong mission in life somehow God intervenes with help.
We've never been able to obtain grants. Addicts are way down on the list when it comes to passing out money. Even though we live in more enlightened times, somehow the idea of providing funding for those healthy enough to work and care for themselves is not very attractive. I agree. I believe charity should go to the helpless and hopeless. There are children who need financial help. There are senior citizens who can't care for themselves. We succeed because we’ve learned how to economize. Most nonprofits spend 80% of their income on salaries and management, where we spend only 20%.
One way we accomplish this is we use clients to help run the program. The state allows us to use clients to help run our program as part of their recovery process. And it works well for them and for us. Many of our clients have never worked in the real world. Many men don't know how to shave and clean up to go to a job. Often the women don't know how to groom themselves so that they are presentable in a corporate workplace. However, when we hire them to work within our program we teach them basic job skills that will help them become employable once they graduate. This type of training results in savings for us and benefits our clients. Many of our clients have left our program and gone on to find well-paying jobs in construction or in the business world.
We just had to show them they could do it and give them the skills they need to do the work.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Still Working at 72?
The other day I was checking into the financial services department of a local hospital when the intake person said "well I guess you're enjoying a happy retirement?" She was reading my date of birth and because I'm 72 years old she apparently assumed I no longer worked.
"Oh I still work," I told her. "In fact, I have two jobs."
She seemed surprised and I told her I don't plan to ever retire. As long as health permits, I'm going to work. If I sit on my butt I won't be around very long. When I told her my motto was "use it or lose it," she turned red. But I think she understood what I was telling her.
A similar situation occurred a day later when I called to confirm an appointment at an MRI center. When I asked the secretary to give me directions to the facility once more because I left mine at the office she seemed surprised.
"You still work?" she asked. She obviously was also looking at my date of birth on her monitor. Then of course the drill was the same. I explained to her that I didn't want to sit around and rust away.
Even though some may look askance at a 72-year-old who goes to his office every day and who manages a real estate portfolio on the side - I am blessed to be able to do what I do. I love what I do so much that at times, when the economy has been bad, I've done the job for nothing. In fact, for the past 30 months I've taken a complete pay cut and just lived on real estate income. We must challenge ourselves if we want to keep our wits about us. I know if I just watch TV, or play golf, I would go crazy with boredom.
In a recent blog I expressed that I was surprised I lived to be 40. When I finally got sober at 50 I determined I was going to live a full existence. I didn't get sober to be miserable. I got sober to enjoy life, to pay back to the world for some of the wrongs I'd committed.
A lot of clients and managers at TLC appreciate my attitude toward life, or at least they seem to. I try to be an example of good living, of doing service work, and of being an all-around good person. I believe that we exemplify sobriety by the way we live, not necessarily by what comes out of our mouths.
Every day I thank God because I'm still alive. And I know I wouldn't be alive if I hadn't been graced with the gift of sobriety.
"Oh I still work," I told her. "In fact, I have two jobs."
She seemed surprised and I told her I don't plan to ever retire. As long as health permits, I'm going to work. If I sit on my butt I won't be around very long. When I told her my motto was "use it or lose it," she turned red. But I think she understood what I was telling her.
A similar situation occurred a day later when I called to confirm an appointment at an MRI center. When I asked the secretary to give me directions to the facility once more because I left mine at the office she seemed surprised.
"You still work?" she asked. She obviously was also looking at my date of birth on her monitor. Then of course the drill was the same. I explained to her that I didn't want to sit around and rust away.
Even though some may look askance at a 72-year-old who goes to his office every day and who manages a real estate portfolio on the side - I am blessed to be able to do what I do. I love what I do so much that at times, when the economy has been bad, I've done the job for nothing. In fact, for the past 30 months I've taken a complete pay cut and just lived on real estate income. We must challenge ourselves if we want to keep our wits about us. I know if I just watch TV, or play golf, I would go crazy with boredom.
In a recent blog I expressed that I was surprised I lived to be 40. When I finally got sober at 50 I determined I was going to live a full existence. I didn't get sober to be miserable. I got sober to enjoy life, to pay back to the world for some of the wrongs I'd committed.
A lot of clients and managers at TLC appreciate my attitude toward life, or at least they seem to. I try to be an example of good living, of doing service work, and of being an all-around good person. I believe that we exemplify sobriety by the way we live, not necessarily by what comes out of our mouths.
Every day I thank God because I'm still alive. And I know I wouldn't be alive if I hadn't been graced with the gift of sobriety.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Real Clients?
Sometimes those of you who read my blog will write to ask if the person I'm talking about in the blog is a real client.
The information in these blogs is based on current or former clients or managers. I change the circumstances so no one can be identified. My goal is to not embarrass anyone or break their anonymity. The real purpose is to illustrate real-life situations that affect us as addicts. I sometimes cover the successes. Other times, I illustrate the tragedies and disasters that can befall us if we are unable to get sober.
I often will combine elements that I've heard at different times from different people. The goal, as I mentioned in the paragraph above, is to help the readers of this blog understand more about addiction and alcoholism. And at the same time, I want to understand more about my own addiction and alcoholism. And sometimes I get insights that help me through the day.
When I started posting this blog some 320 days ago I had a dual goal. One goal, and not necessarily the most important one, was to force myself to write something every day. I committed to post a new blog every day for a year. And so far, I've been able to do that. The second goal was to give clients, families, and anyone else interested, some insight into how TLC works and how we treat the addicts and alcoholics who live with us. I've been able to achieve both of these goals.
Before I started posting I built up a 30 day backlog. That way, if I got sick or went on vacation I would still have something to post. Perhaps one of the more rewarding, and surprising, things I've experienced since writing this blog is that I developed long-distance relationships with more than one reader. Some of them have been family members of clients. Others have been counselors from recovery programs who send us clients. They understand exactly what I'm talking about because they go through the same things we experience with addicts and alcoholics.
I appreciate my readers and hope you all keep coming back.
The information in these blogs is based on current or former clients or managers. I change the circumstances so no one can be identified. My goal is to not embarrass anyone or break their anonymity. The real purpose is to illustrate real-life situations that affect us as addicts. I sometimes cover the successes. Other times, I illustrate the tragedies and disasters that can befall us if we are unable to get sober.
I often will combine elements that I've heard at different times from different people. The goal, as I mentioned in the paragraph above, is to help the readers of this blog understand more about addiction and alcoholism. And at the same time, I want to understand more about my own addiction and alcoholism. And sometimes I get insights that help me through the day.
When I started posting this blog some 320 days ago I had a dual goal. One goal, and not necessarily the most important one, was to force myself to write something every day. I committed to post a new blog every day for a year. And so far, I've been able to do that. The second goal was to give clients, families, and anyone else interested, some insight into how TLC works and how we treat the addicts and alcoholics who live with us. I've been able to achieve both of these goals.
Before I started posting I built up a 30 day backlog. That way, if I got sick or went on vacation I would still have something to post. Perhaps one of the more rewarding, and surprising, things I've experienced since writing this blog is that I developed long-distance relationships with more than one reader. Some of them have been family members of clients. Others have been counselors from recovery programs who send us clients. They understand exactly what I'm talking about because they go through the same things we experience with addicts and alcoholics.
I appreciate my readers and hope you all keep coming back.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Legalize Drugs?
A report released this week by the United Nations Commission on Drug Policy stated the war on drugs has been a worldwide failure. The report went on to recommend a moderate approach to drugs that would encompass treatment and health care for addicts.
The idea the war on drugs has failed is nothing new to us addicts. For years and years we’ve known the so-called war on drugs had no chance of success. Like all efforts to suppress social crimes the war hasn’t succeeded. In fact, if one looks at incarceration statistics in the United States we see a vast population of people who are incarcerated for mostly drug related offenses. We have the example of prohibition: it did nothing to stop people from drinking. And it made millionaires out of mobsters.
So, someone might ask, do I advocate the legalization of all kinds of drugs? Of course I do. While this might seem hypocritical to those who are familiar with TLC I have good foundation for making this kind of statement. The reality is that drugs have been de facto legal for many years. If anyone has doubts, just go to any major city or rural community. Start looking for different kinds of drugs. If your approach is right you'll probably have drugs in your hands within an hour. There are drug dealers all over our country. The only way to put these folks out of business is to make drugs legal, to compete with them, to collect taxes that could go toward treatment and health care for those who suffer from addiction.
One of the arguments we hear against legalization from the moralists is that we will be encouraging people to use drugs. Again, the reality is that people need no encouragement to use drugs. If children are raised right they might not gravitate towards drugs or alcohol. But for those raised in bad circumstances or who have a genetic predisposition, then gravitating towards drugs and alcohol is natural. Addiction is no more a moral issue than is cancer, heart disease, or tuberculosis. Sometimes those who take the moral stance look at addicts as evil people instead of sick people. True, addicts and alcoholics do illegal and immoral things, but this is primarily a result of their substance-abuse rather than an indication of their character.
Although I doubt if this pronouncement by this United Nations commission is going to make any difference in the short term, at least they have put their position on the record. And with all the other changes going on throughout the world, who knows? Maybe our world will change in this area, also.
The idea the war on drugs has failed is nothing new to us addicts. For years and years we’ve known the so-called war on drugs had no chance of success. Like all efforts to suppress social crimes the war hasn’t succeeded. In fact, if one looks at incarceration statistics in the United States we see a vast population of people who are incarcerated for mostly drug related offenses. We have the example of prohibition: it did nothing to stop people from drinking. And it made millionaires out of mobsters.
So, someone might ask, do I advocate the legalization of all kinds of drugs? Of course I do. While this might seem hypocritical to those who are familiar with TLC I have good foundation for making this kind of statement. The reality is that drugs have been de facto legal for many years. If anyone has doubts, just go to any major city or rural community. Start looking for different kinds of drugs. If your approach is right you'll probably have drugs in your hands within an hour. There are drug dealers all over our country. The only way to put these folks out of business is to make drugs legal, to compete with them, to collect taxes that could go toward treatment and health care for those who suffer from addiction.
One of the arguments we hear against legalization from the moralists is that we will be encouraging people to use drugs. Again, the reality is that people need no encouragement to use drugs. If children are raised right they might not gravitate towards drugs or alcohol. But for those raised in bad circumstances or who have a genetic predisposition, then gravitating towards drugs and alcohol is natural. Addiction is no more a moral issue than is cancer, heart disease, or tuberculosis. Sometimes those who take the moral stance look at addicts as evil people instead of sick people. True, addicts and alcoholics do illegal and immoral things, but this is primarily a result of their substance-abuse rather than an indication of their character.
Although I doubt if this pronouncement by this United Nations commission is going to make any difference in the short term, at least they have put their position on the record. And with all the other changes going on throughout the world, who knows? Maybe our world will change in this area, also.
Friday, June 3, 2011
God as a Friend
A newcomer with no religious upbringing told me he didn’t know how to pray. He wondered if he needed to dress nice or go to church or be formal when he talked to God. He’d turned his will and his life over to the care of God. But he wasn’t sure how to communicate with this new presence in his life.
I told him no one knew positively how to speak to God but that along the years I’d heard a few things I found useful about how to pray.
Once I’d heard a prominent bishop speak on the subject. He said we needed to speak to God as if he were a close friend we’re hanging out with. He said we didn’t need to be formal; we didn’t need to use good grammar. He said if we believe God is all-powerful and omnipotent then we believe he knows our heart and mind. He knows what we need before we ask. In fact he sometimes provides it before we ask.
As to the time or place for prayer someone suggested we pray at any moment in any setting. We can ask God to help us with our jobs, to help us overcome our fears, to relieve someone’s suffering. And we can do this while we’re driving or walking or watching television. He said that God hears our prayers no matter the time or the place.
I suggested to the newcomer that in the morning he say a simple “help.” And that at night he should offer a simple “thank you.”
I told him no one knew positively how to speak to God but that along the years I’d heard a few things I found useful about how to pray.
Once I’d heard a prominent bishop speak on the subject. He said we needed to speak to God as if he were a close friend we’re hanging out with. He said we didn’t need to be formal; we didn’t need to use good grammar. He said if we believe God is all-powerful and omnipotent then we believe he knows our heart and mind. He knows what we need before we ask. In fact he sometimes provides it before we ask.
As to the time or place for prayer someone suggested we pray at any moment in any setting. We can ask God to help us with our jobs, to help us overcome our fears, to relieve someone’s suffering. And we can do this while we’re driving or walking or watching television. He said that God hears our prayers no matter the time or the place.
I suggested to the newcomer that in the morning he say a simple “help.” And that at night he should offer a simple “thank you.”
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Surrender to Win
“Surrender” was the topic of a meeting this week, a concept I had a hard time with for many years. Until I got sober I never believed in surrendering anything or to anybody. I fought the law for years and lived like a wild man until I couldn’t do it any longer. It was only when I finally lost everything one more time that I finally gave up, went to a detox, and became willing to do whatever it took to change my life.
When I surrendered and admitted I was an alcoholic I had mixed feelings. On one hand I had an odd sense of relief – a feeling that maybe my life would be different if I just kept the alcohol out of it. But also during that period in detox I had no grasp of reality. For example, I recall thinking that my life would be totally boring. I’d have no friends, no excitement. What would I do with my time? I didn’t stop to think that I had no friends anyway, that my life was a boring round of hustling to get a drink or a fix. When I got sober I had no job and was living in a stolen car. Yet my warped alcoholic brain was telling me that life in sobriety didn't look too promising.
Yet only when I totally surrendered to the idea that I was alcoholic did life change. Today I’m living the promises…
When I surrendered and admitted I was an alcoholic I had mixed feelings. On one hand I had an odd sense of relief – a feeling that maybe my life would be different if I just kept the alcohol out of it. But also during that period in detox I had no grasp of reality. For example, I recall thinking that my life would be totally boring. I’d have no friends, no excitement. What would I do with my time? I didn’t stop to think that I had no friends anyway, that my life was a boring round of hustling to get a drink or a fix. When I got sober I had no job and was living in a stolen car. Yet my warped alcoholic brain was telling me that life in sobriety didn't look too promising.
Yet only when I totally surrendered to the idea that I was alcoholic did life change. Today I’m living the promises…
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
More Blessings of Sobriety
My two beautiful daughters are blessings of my sobriety. Though neither has my disease, they have been impacted by my alcoholism and drug addiction - particularly my older daughter.
My oldest lives in California where she and my son-in-law are raising my two youngest grandchildren. Besides their regular jobs, they are pastors of a 200 member church. She’s loved and supported me through all of my addictions and jail terms. Once I got sober I realized how fortunate I am to have a human being like her who stuck with me through all of my insanity.
Because she was growing up during my addiction I never spent much time with her and was estranged from her mother. In spite of my neglect, her love for me never wavered.
My youngest daughter never experienced my addictions. She only has a faint memory of one time seeing me with a beer. She reinforced my commitment to sobriety because when I was sober two years I obtained legal custody of her. I raised her for 10 years - until she went into the Army at 18. She served in mission Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan - and other theaters - for three years. She suffered a hip injury while in Afghanistan and now receives 70% disability. While part of her disability is psychological, she hasn't let that keep her from completing two years of college at Texas Culinary Academy. And she's in the final stages of earning her bachelor's degree from the University of Phoenix. After that she’s going for her master’s degree.
It’s an understatement to say these girls are the blessings of my sobriety. I don't know too many people who have spent 40 years in their addictions and had much left when they got sober– especially relationships with important people.
My relationship with them is part of the promises come true.
My oldest lives in California where she and my son-in-law are raising my two youngest grandchildren. Besides their regular jobs, they are pastors of a 200 member church. She’s loved and supported me through all of my addictions and jail terms. Once I got sober I realized how fortunate I am to have a human being like her who stuck with me through all of my insanity.
Because she was growing up during my addiction I never spent much time with her and was estranged from her mother. In spite of my neglect, her love for me never wavered.
My youngest daughter never experienced my addictions. She only has a faint memory of one time seeing me with a beer. She reinforced my commitment to sobriety because when I was sober two years I obtained legal custody of her. I raised her for 10 years - until she went into the Army at 18. She served in mission Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan - and other theaters - for three years. She suffered a hip injury while in Afghanistan and now receives 70% disability. While part of her disability is psychological, she hasn't let that keep her from completing two years of college at Texas Culinary Academy. And she's in the final stages of earning her bachelor's degree from the University of Phoenix. After that she’s going for her master’s degree.
It’s an understatement to say these girls are the blessings of my sobriety. I don't know too many people who have spent 40 years in their addictions and had much left when they got sober– especially relationships with important people.
My relationship with them is part of the promises come true.
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