Thursday, June 2, 2011

Surrender to Win

“Surrender” was the topic of a meeting this week, a concept I had a hard time with for many years. Until I got sober I never believed in surrendering anything or to anybody. I fought the law for years and lived like a wild man until I couldn’t do it any longer. It was only when I finally lost everything one more time that I finally gave up, went to a detox, and became willing to do whatever it took to change my life.

When I surrendered and admitted I was an alcoholic I had mixed feelings. On one hand I had an odd sense of relief – a feeling that maybe my life would be different if I just kept the alcohol out of it. But also during that period in detox I had no grasp of reality. For example, I recall thinking that my life would be totally boring. I’d have no friends, no excitement. What would I do with my time? I didn’t stop to think that I had no friends anyway, that my life was a boring round of hustling to get a drink or a fix. When I got sober I had no job and was living in a stolen car. Yet my warped alcoholic brain was telling me that life in sobriety didn't look too promising.

Yet only when I totally surrendered to the idea that I was alcoholic did life change. Today I’m living the promises…

No comments:

Post a Comment