Half Measures?

I ran into a friend yesterday and while we catching up on the news she mentioned hearing about a mutual acquaintance we’d both worked for 20 years ago when we were in early recovery.

            “Is he still sober?” I asked, curious about whether the man had ever dealt with the anger and control issues that had repeatedly sabotaged his promising career.

            “Somehow he’s still sober,” she said. “But nothing else has changed.”

She went on to describe how the man had once again recently lost half his staff because of his angry verbal abuse – even though he paid them well. 

It was sad to hear this man’s story. He’s built successful businesses more than once, but can’t enjoy his success because people refuse to work for him.

 This illustrates that sometimes we need to seek help beyond the 12-step programs in order to enjoy the full benefits of sobriety.

Though some believe that not drinking or doing drugs is sufficient, I don’t believe we’ll realize the promises if we don’t continue to work on our challenges – not matter how painful it may be to confront them.

Whether we have psychological issues, educational issues, health issues – we’ll never have a full life if we don’t deal with them.

I got sober to live a full life – not take the half measures that bring half results.

Keeping our Focus

Our mission at TLC is simple: We help recovering substance abusers rebuild their lives…”

Sometimes our 60 + staff members and volunteers understandably lose sight of our mission because they are so immersed in their daily responsibilities they can’t see beyond the daily grind of their jobs.

It’s easy for a labor group driver to get frustrated as he’s battling traffic to arrive in time to pick up guys from their jobs.

Or for someone who’s making 100 phone calls a day as part of our outreach to forget that what she’s really doing is helping addicts change their lives.

When a cook is sweating over a hot stove to feed hungry addicts our lofty mission could be far from his mind.

When things get tough I tell our staff to remember that we’re giving our fellow addicts a chance for a new life - the same chance someone gave us when we were down and out.

Too Smart to get Sober?

Over the past 20 years we’ve had clients from every background in our program.

Lawyers, teachers, stockbrokers, newspaper reporters, corporate executives are at one end of the spectrum. At the other we have parolees, the homeless, petty criminals, and street addicts.

And the interesting thing is that our better educated clients seem to have the most trouble staying sober. None of the lawyers made it, and neither did the one rocket scientist.

Conversely, we have uneducated meth users who’ve stuck around to work their way into management. Some of them have been with us for years- grateful to have found a new life and a chance to work their way into recovery.

This paradox could indicate that there’s not a lot of correlation between education and status in life and learning to live sober.

Probably our best indicator of who will undergo change and learn to live sober is how much they've suffered from an addiction. When an addict loses family, possessions, health, or freedom they begin to get the idea they can’t successfully use.

Many of us lost everything over and over before we finally got the idea…

The Fragrance of Forgiveness...

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain

Many of us in recovery have trouble forgiving those who’ve harmed us. We often hold resentments and anger that might give us another reason to relapse. Forgiveness is often one of the more difficult acts for us to perform – yet it has so much power.  I quote an example of forgiveness I read of last week.

In 1999 Rebecca DeMauro’s 12-year-old daughter, Andria, was murdered in Arkansas. When by chance she watched the trial of the Green River Killer on TV her feelings of loathing and vengeance shifted.

 “I watched with great interest as the victims’ families were each allotted ten minutes to give a victim impact statement,” she said.

Ridgway, convicted of murdering 48 women, sat stoic and hard, his eyes narrowed, seemingly full of hate during the proceedings.

“It wasn’t until Bob Rule, father of 16-year-old Linda Rule, stood and faced the killer that something inside of me and Gary Ridgway broke. Bob Rule looked straight at the Green River killer and said:

‘Mr. Ridgway, there are people here who hate you. I’m not one of them. I forgive you for what you’ve done. You’ve made it difficult to live up to what I believe, and that is what God says to do, and that is forgive, and he doesn’t say to forgive just certain people, he says forgive all. So you are forgiven.’

“Ridgway’s face softened and his lips began to tremble. Then he began to cry. At that precise moment, I realized that the only way I would be able to go on living was to stop hating. I had to do what Bob Rule had done and let it go, and let Andi rest in peace.”

This powerful account of forgiveness is an example for those of us who have difficulty forgiving the real - or perceived- transgressions of others. 

Forgiveness can set us free of anger and hatred that can serve no purpose but to bring us down - and maybe lead us to relapse..

For more examples of forgiveness go to http://theforgivenessproject.com

Good to be Home

Today we're home in Arizona after a week of relaxation in Los Cabos, Mexico.
 
And I returned with gratitude because we couldn't take these trips without the support of key people on TLC's staff.   It's a blessing to have people who step up while we're away.
 
Some say we're "lucky" to have the staff we have, but it goes beyond "luck". The staff we have today- some of them with us for ten to twenty years - has learned through trial and error. 
 
Also, for this kind of business one doesn't hire people off the streets or out of a university.  They must not only be in recovery, they must also care about helping others to get into recovery.
 
Their priority has to be about more than a job - it's about supporting our mission of helping recovering substance abusers rebuild their lives. 

Their dedication makes a difference to everyone.

Power of Addiction

Today I met a talented newcomer whose story once again illustrates the power of drug addiction.

He had it all: college education, six figure income, expense account, nice home and vacations and a career that took him around the world. When parents talk to their children about success he was the one they were talking about.

Yet here he is today in the early stages of recovery, sitting in a halfway house starting over with the clothes on his back.

When we talk to our clients about what’s important they often speak of just “getting a job” and making money - as if that will solve their addiction problem. 

But, as this newcomer told me today, money has never been the problem. The problem is an opiate addiction that took control of his life.

Today he feels like he has a chance because he’s finally focusing on learning to live clean and sober.

TLC's here to help him...

It’s about the Money

            “It’s all about the money.”

            “These guys are getting rich”

            “They’re making a killing here!”

We hear these statements all the time from clients who don’t want to be responsible.

They’re having a hard time finding a job. They’ve never worked. They’ve regularly sponged off of mommy and daddy. Or else they’ve been in prison, which is kind of a state welfare system.

When they first get to TLC and are told to find a job to pay for their stay they get angry. They’ll hook up with others around the program who have the same anger. And they’ll start the “all about the money” conversation.

Usually they’ll do the math and come up with a number. They’ll say something like “there are 80 people here at $110.00 a week. Damn! These guys are taking in almost $9,000 a week. And that’s just at one house!”

The conversation goes on and one like this until they either relapse or are asked to leave because they’re unwilling to be responsible – which is what it’s all about.

And of course those of us responsible for TLC’s finances wish that what they say about money was true. If we collected $110 a week from each client we’d be in great shape.

The reality is – based on our latest figures is that the average client pays around half of that amount: around $57 a week. The only way the TLC halfway houses function is because of outside businesses such as Temporary Labor Company, The Inconvenience Store, and the Alhambra Hotel. In addition several of our landlords have reduced their rent or not collected it at all. Currently TLC loses around $9,000 a month and only survives because of these generous landlords and income from outside businesses.

Another reality the irresponsible client doesn’t look at is that there’s nowhere a person can find housing, utilities, meals, job assistance and counseling for $110 a week.

Right now the Motel 6 down the street is running at about $39 a day or around $273 a week. And that’s money upfront. No meals. No job assistance. No counseling.

Hmmmm…..