Cunning, Baffling, Powerful...

A few days ago a house manager - who’d been clean over a year - returned to the dark side.

He claimed he didn’t know why it happened. While away from the house the prior Sunday a panhandler approached him. And the next thing he knew he was asking the man if could score heroin.

After he and the panhandler injected the heroin, the manager fell out from an overdose. Only CPR from the panhandler – and a call to 911 - saved his life. When the manager came to, paramedics were treating him.

After that it was on. During the week he took a couple shots of whiskey each night before bed. At the end of the week - after receiving a monthly bonus – he purchased some crack. .

And that was the end. Instead of being where he was supposed to be - in the office collecting weekly service fees last Friday night - he was in his room smoking a rock.

When the supervisor who caught him offered to let him start the program over at the Mesa location he declined. He wanted to continue getting high.

So what happened? What demons blind us to the knowledge we have about the consequences of picking up again? After all, here was a man who’d been clean for over a year. A man who spent his waking time helping others into recovery. And doing a fair job of it.

The 12-step literature addresses the value of being spiritually fit in order to avoid relapse. But we’re not sure what happened with this man..

If he's fortunate enough to return we’ll ask him.

Am I Worth It?

Following surgery nine years ago I received a bill for about $36,000, which my insurance paid. Over the years I’ve spent thousands on dental work. And I’ve had surgery because of accidents. I’ve always felt it’s a good investment to spend money on my physical well-being.

I guess that's why, in my naiveté, I'm sometimes surprised when addicts object to the costs of recovery or treatment. For many, it's almost a knee-jerk reaction. Even though it's not normally coming out of their pocket and is usually covered by someone else's insurance.

We'll hear comments like "those SOBs are making money hand over fist." Or "I thought TLC was a nonprofit." The comments go on and on.

While not sure about the psychology or thinking behind this attitude I know if they were bleeding to death and someone saved their life cost would be the last question.

Yet when addicts piss their life away on drugs and alcohol and highly trained professionals help them change they often question the value of the help. Even though the intervention and counseling could save their lives.

Sometimes I hear this from clients with a sense of entitlement. Some seem to believe the world owes them a recovery program. The world should be grateful they're getting sober. And someone else should pay for and be responsible for it.

After all, they're giving up their best friend. Isn't that enough? I’m still scratching my head.

Women's Outpatient Update

A few months ago we only had two or three live-in clients in the women's outpatient treatment program.  But we were having a bit of conflict between them and the women in the halfway house part of the program.  So to resolve the conflict we paid for them to live in other halfway houses while they continued treatment with us.

One conflict was that our women in treatment don't have to seek employment or work every day. Their job is to attend treatment and follow that schedule. So the women who work, and who adhere to the rules of the halfway house were somewhat envious.

Another conflict arose because clients in the outpatient program would return to the halfway house and mention receiving a therapeutic  massage. Also, they were able to engage in yoga instruction and art classes. And they went on weekend jaunts to the movies, the zoo, or the bowling alley. Plus they had a fitness club membership.

To reduce these conflicts, we rented a house a few blocks from the treatment center big enough to house ten women. We figured that would hold us for a few months. But, we were wrong. Those ten beds were filled the first week.

So we had to find more housing. And we were lucky enough to lease the house next door to provide beds for the next 10 women.

It’s a great challenge to face. What next?

A Form of Denial?

Sometimes the most difficult thing for addicts is focus on sobriety.

When things get tough they start looking at everything but why they're in the program. The food’s not that great. I wake up too early. This program charges too much. The list goes on and on because it's a way for addicts to avoid facing themselves.

Those concerned about living conditions, food, or the cost of treatment, never had those thoughts when they were out there smoking crack, getting drunk, or shooting heroin. They were okay sleeping on someone else's dirty couch. Or in the back of an abandoned car. Or eating whatever they could scrounge, either by panhandling or stealing. They might live in a cockroach-ridden apartment, eating Ramen Noodles. At that point the only priority was being out of their minds and satisfying their addictions.

And because sobriety and recovery is a scary thing all of a sudden they focus on externals. We've had people who used to sleep on park benches who’ll complain about a Serta mattress not being exactly the right thing for them sleep on. And we’ve had those who subsisted on stolen Circle K hotdogs who all of a sudden think they're eating too much pasta or chicken.

Before I knew what I now know about recovery I didn't understand this. But today I recognize this as soon as a subtle – or maybe not-so-subtle – form of denial.

Medical Marijuana?

The voice on the phone dripped with angry self-righteousness.

"My boss fired me for using medical marijuana," he told me. "It’s illegal for him to do that."

The man went on like this for a few moments until I intervened.

I explained that the FDA recently ruled that there’s no medical use for marijuana. The Department of Transportation doesn't allow those in safety sensitive jobs to be under the influence of marijuana.

But the man on the other end of the phone had a difficult time comprehending. He was stuck with the idea that he was right. And that his former employer was wrong.

After I told him I’d be unable to evaluate and release him to return to his driving job while he was using marijuana he became angry and hung up.

This man's case illustrates a rising phenomenon in the recovery world. Some employees believe that because they have a prescription for so-called “medical marijuana” that they can drive and perform other safety sensitive jobs while under the influence. But that isn't the way it works.

After all, alcohol is legal. So are other prescription medications. But that still doesn't mean we can legally use them while operating a motor vehicle. Or performing other safety-sensitive jobs, such as repairing or maintaining aircraft or trains or work in any of the thousands of safety sensitive jobs.

Those of us who evaluate employees for return to duty have a mandate to protect the public.

Keeping On...

Sometime next week I’ll reach my goal of posting one thousand blogs in a row.

I remember when I started this while on vacation in San Diego, July 25, 2010. I was sitting by the bay, thinking about a way to force myself to write each day – to communicate more effectively on paper. Or on screen. Whatever.

I also had other reasons for doing this.

• I wanted to help others stay sober. 
• I wanted to promote TLC.

I’ve accomplished these things. But now comes the dilemma: do I post every day? Do I write three days a week? Do I stop?

And of course I’m so obsessive that once I start something that halfway works I just keep going. That's why I've been working out for 20+ years. That's why I've been a vegetarian for over 20 years.

When things work don't mess with them.

And probably one of the biggest motivating factors for continuing is the parents and family members who write me.

Sometimes the blog helps them make a decision about what to do with a family member. A woman summed it up best a while back when she wrote “I realize that you get it."

I do get it. Because I’m a recovering addict and alcoholic my life has been trashed over and over. But for some reason God smiled upon me. Today my life is blessed.. I have a happy marriage. I have a wonderful business. I have great friends and family. I know recovery can work.

I have a responsibility to share those blessings with those seeking help. And that's probably the reason I'll continue to do this.

Someone might find something here that’ll help make their world a better place.

Out of Ourselves

Sometimes we give clients projects to help them get out of themselves. This usually works well with those who are depressed. Or those who have a difficult time relating to others.

For example, we assigned a client last week to put together a weekend barbecue. He had to figure out all the details: how many steaks. How many paper plates, knives and forks. The condiments. How much charcoal. Then he had to find a ride to the store to shop.

When I saw him late Sunday he was full of enthusiasm. Here's a man who's been pretty much shut down with depression all of a sudden relating with others. And I believe he's gotten a sense of accomplishment from doing this.

For the past several weeks we've assigned different clients to plan weekend activities. So far, we've had trips to the zoo. Trips to the bowling alley. Miniature golf.  Roller derby. All have come off successfully. And clients are developing a sense of community.

Mindful gardening is another project that kicked off this weekend. Late Sunday evening we drove by the garden as they were quitting for the day. For three and a half hours the six or so members of that class prepared the soil and planted under the supervision of the instructor.

All of these projects are ancillary to our outpatient treatment program. But they are important because they help clients communicate better. They learn they can have fun in recovery and accomplish small goals at the same time.

More on this subject later.