Visiting Angels?

My grandmother used to tell me to be careful how I treated others. That we never knew when a visiting angel would pass through our lives.

Of course, being a kid at the time, I thought she was just weird. But now, some sixty years later, I believe she spoke truth.

This thought came to me the other day when I was at a 4th of July gathering and struck up a conversation with a man who happened to be a friend of Bill W. He’d been sober a few years longer than I.

And because we were among the few guests who weren’t drinking, we took the opportunity to talk of our early days of sobriety..

And the visiting angel thought came up when he told me how when he was in detox he met a doctor who later employed him and who was a great help in his early struggles with sobriety. He credits the influence of the doctor with helping him begin his recovery journey.

As our conversation evolved we started talking of “accidents” that sometimes happen in our lives that turn out to be blessings – appearing almost of divine inspiration.

And then he went on to tell of how he survived a recent bout with cancer. But he said that even though the surgery was successful he had a residual anxiety that was troubling. He wanted to get rid of it.

At that point I told him I was a certified hypnotherapist. And that I could teach him a technique to help overcome his anxiety. So we had about a 20 minute session, which seemed to work well.

Afterward he said that for the first time since the surgery he’d experienced total peace and relaxation. And that he thought our meeting was no accident.

After our session he told me of experiences he’d had before surgery. He said that on two occasions in the weeks before the operation strangers would approach him in public places to tell him he’d “be alright, that he had a lot of years ahead.”

And while this may sound strange and esoteric I went away from that gathering pleased to have met this man. He’d been through so many challenges in his life - and in his recovery - that it was inspiring. His story is a reaffirmation of the idea that if we stay sober and work on our recovery we can overcome most anything.

And sometimes an angel might help us

Break Time

A tradition for the past 15 years is to spend a week in Imperial Beach, California with my children and grandchildren, around a dozen of us. 

We rent a couple of condos on the beach and don't do much but hang out, play, and relax. It's a time for us to catch up. And it's a great way to beat the mid-summer heat in Arizona. At least for a minute.

So by the time anyone reads this we'll be in 40° cooler temperatures. Not to rub it in or anything..

And I would never be able to enjoy times like this if I hadn't finally surrendered and went into detox over 22 years.  And that's really the point of this blog, to carry the message to those TLC clients who sometimes wonder what's the point of sobriety?  I mean I'm sober. But so what? What's next?

And what's next - if one has the patience and is willing to work hard - is a great life where one can do anything they choose to. It simply requires patience and ongoing sobriety.

I've seen over and over again that those who stay sober achieve their goals.. Many go back to school. Some are reunited with their families. Others might start a business. The opportunities are unlimited if one just starts living one step at a time.

We simply have to reach for it.

Back to Work?

A former Hard 12 client who left TLC several months ago because he was desperate to get back to work called for help. He thought he was about to die from drinking. He wanted to go to detox.

When our guys arrived at the apartment they found several empty half-gallon vodka bottles strewn around. The utilities had been shut off for non-payment. The place was sweltering. Plus he was about to be evicted.

And he was right about being near death. He was so weak he had to be carried out. When he gets released from detox we’ll likely take him back because that’s what we do. Help people until they can help themselves.

This man is a classic example of our male clients who think their only problem is work. They usually say things like “I have bills to catch up on.” Or, “I’m behind in my child support.” Or, “I need to help my kids.” The rationalizing goes on and on.  It sounds good.

While it may be true that these are the kinds of obligations we all face, we’ll never take care of anything until we get clean and sober.

Over and over in my counseling sessions I point out that those of us who are real addicts have only one problem: our disease. If we make recovery our priority everything we need will be provided.

It says so in the Promises.

Moving On...

He was homeless in Arizona for some eight years. Once in a while he'd find a place to crash for a short time. But eventually he was evicted from those couches also. He once told of coming home and finding his belongings tossed in the front yard. He accepted that is a message that he should move on.

Eventually he got tired of the pain and found a program that accepted homeless addicts and alcoholics who had no money: TLC.

He stayed three years, the last two of those years as manager of one of our larger properties.

And this week he announced he was leaving. But instead of doing things like addicts sometimes do, just disappearing, he instead gave a 30 day notice. Very mature. Very grown up. Real mainstream stuff.

And so where's he going? Seems that he's found a job with a large mining company that pays $19 an hour. And his girlfriend of a few years is already there and has an apartment for them..

For self-centered reasons we’re going to miss this man because it's hard to find managers with his dedication. He's been someone we could always rely on to make the right decisions. And when he made the wrong decision he was willing to accept criticism with humility and do things differently.

His story is what TLC is all about. He was the epitome of our typical new client: no money, not much future, and not a lot of hope.

But he grasped the opportunity and rose to the top. We wish him well in his recovery, in his job, and in his relationship with his sweetheart.

Enjoy the Promises....

Another Example

Yesterday a manager celebrating five years at TLC came to my office with gratitude.

He entered TLC the day he walked off the prison yard. He had no money. No place to go. Only the clothes on his back. It was his first recovery program. What he did have, though, was a strong resolve to change the course of his life, a compelling desire to quit using methamphetamines.

And he did. Instead of returning to his pre-prison life, he became immersed in the 12-step programs. He started working with TLC's construction crew.

And he’s been doing pretty much the same thing ever since - a day at a time. Within a short time he became a crew leader, and today’s in charge of TLC’s construction and maintenance. He never says no, he never quits until the job is done.

His efforts to change have brought blessings. He and his sweetheart- also a TLC graduate – share a home and are expecting a child any minute. When he talks of his relationship - and their baby - his eyes sparkle and one can sense his joy at this gift from God.

This man has taken advantage of the opportunity he was presented, the chance he was given.

Any client who wants to succeed at TLC can ask him how he he’s doing it.  Because he’s another example of how our program works

Insanity?

There's nothing about alcoholism that make sense.

Yesterday, a man who’d walked Arizona prison yards for over 30 years - on lifetime parole - was discharged from the program after he used his first paycheck to buy a bottle of vodka.

Six months ago he was homeless, broke and drunk. His life was in a shambles. He was desperate for help.

During his first several months in the program he was a good worker. He had humility. He had a sponsor and he seemed grateful to be sober. He accepted the hardships of the hard six program without complaint. Then he got a job and a few dollars in his pocket and it was all over.

There’s no aspect of his behavior that has any connection to logic or sanity. He has no money. He has no home. And as far as anyone knows he doesn't have any real friends. So he faces the prospect of being homeless and drunk in 113° heat.

It says in the 12-step literature that the “insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again.” That appears to have happened in this case.

See the Flowers

“Many eyes go through the meadow, but few see the flowers in it” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson's saying will work well for any of us.

And I believe the "flowers" of which he writes means the many things in our lives that can teach us lessons.

For example, it never seems to fail that when I'm in a snit about something, God puts a lesson in my path.

It occurred again this morning when I went to my office to update a project only to discover the air conditioner wasn't working. Mildly irritated because I had to turn around and return home, I looked over at the dumpster behind our building and saw an alcoholic I know working very hard to find aluminum cans or anything else worthwhile in the trash. At the time it was about 109° and muggy.

Immediately my attitude changed. I realized my minor frustration was nothing compared to what this man must be experiencing. He probably was working that hard so he could buy another bottle. And he reminded me that today I'm sober and not in the dumpster beside him.

I think we all can benefit by looking at the many positives in our lives. By stopping for a moment and being grateful for the health we have, for the prosperity we enjoy. For the opportunities that abound around us.

In a world where so many suffer we benefit when we look for the “flowers” that Emerson described.