When I got into recovery I didn’t take a vow of poverty. And I didn’t start helping other addicts get clean and sober because I wanted to emulate Mother Theresa. Plain and simple I got into recovery to save my own ass.
When I first started TLC I was working a corporate job as vice-president of business development for a large cable company. And my original plan was to start a 50 bed halfway house as an avocation, sort of a side-line. I figured that working with other addicts would help re-enforce my commitment to stay sober.
And I was right. Next month, God willing, I’ll have been clean and sober for 24 years. And the halfway house has morphed into 750 beds and multiple businesses.
But the reason for all the above chatter is that a few days ago - because my body was starting to reject my Prius - I leased an expensive automobile, a 2014 Tesla S.
Afterward, I accidentally overheard a few comments from two residents who had seen my new ride. And the tone of their conversation was that it was over the top. Kind of like how could someone in my position afford to do that?
But the reality is that anyone who works the same job and invests wisely for 24 years should be able to afford what they want. No matter what kind of work they do.
I’m someone who enjoys nice wheels, a decent home, great vacations, and an okay wardrobe. And to get these things I’ve made multiple real estate and other business investments.
I don’t believe God put us here to suffer. To the contrary. I believe we were put here to prosper and enjoy life.
And my idea of enjoying life at 75 years is putting in 45-55 hours a week, hanging out with my hot wife, being on a beach, and driving nice wheels.
But I especially find fulfillment in being available to the addicts and alcoholics who stream through my office and burn up my Iphone 12 to 15 hours a day.
It all kind of balances out.
Click here to email John
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Keeping On...
1600.
That's the number that came up last evening as I posted yesterday's blog. 1600 posts without missing a single day.
And, as I do every so often, I asked myself why the hell I do this. I mean it's sometimes a hassle to post a blog when I have no inspiration. When I'm on the road. Or on vacation. Or when I don't feel well.
The answer I get back is pretty much always the same. A mother will write and tell me she sent her child to TLC because of something she read here. That she feels a human connection because I'm exposing my soft side online.
What a reward! If somehow a few words can help someone get to recovery then it's all worth it. When I get a message like that I almost feel guilty for thinking of quitting.
So, whether it's about obsession or about trying to help another addict - look for another posting tomorrow.
Click here to email John
That's the number that came up last evening as I posted yesterday's blog. 1600 posts without missing a single day.
And, as I do every so often, I asked myself why the hell I do this. I mean it's sometimes a hassle to post a blog when I have no inspiration. When I'm on the road. Or on vacation. Or when I don't feel well.
The answer I get back is pretty much always the same. A mother will write and tell me she sent her child to TLC because of something she read here. That she feels a human connection because I'm exposing my soft side online.
What a reward! If somehow a few words can help someone get to recovery then it's all worth it. When I get a message like that I almost feel guilty for thinking of quitting.
So, whether it's about obsession or about trying to help another addict - look for another posting tomorrow.
Click here to email John
Friday, December 5, 2014
Achievement
This blog contains its share of negative drama because we addicts are at times troubled.
But last night it was about the positive when one of our managers received an honor at Rio Salado Community College.
At a 6:00 pm event he was inducted into the Rio Salado chapter of the National Leadership Society. He was one of some 15 inductees.
This manager is working toward his Associates Degree in chemical dependency. And when he completes three more courses he'll finish that phase of his education.
His success is an example for all of us in recovery. He goes to school online, plus manages the men's housing section of our outpatient treatment program. He's usually at it six days a week.
It's encouraging to those of us who've been at TLC for a long time to see his achievement.
We congratulate him on his success and know that he has a great future in the recovery field.
Click here to email John
But last night it was about the positive when one of our managers received an honor at Rio Salado Community College.
At a 6:00 pm event he was inducted into the Rio Salado chapter of the National Leadership Society. He was one of some 15 inductees.
This manager is working toward his Associates Degree in chemical dependency. And when he completes three more courses he'll finish that phase of his education.
His success is an example for all of us in recovery. He goes to school online, plus manages the men's housing section of our outpatient treatment program. He's usually at it six days a week.
It's encouraging to those of us who've been at TLC for a long time to see his achievement.
We congratulate him on his success and know that he has a great future in the recovery field.
Click here to email John
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Day of Gratitude
Yesterday was a day of gratitude.
Because December 3rd is my wife's birthday. Plus it was the third anniversary of our marriage.
Her birthday is always reason for celebration. Our anniversary is another. Because our anniversary reminds me of the fortunate turn life took when we met.
When she walked into my office in 2004 to apply for a job she charmed me with her beauty and intelligence. And we hired her to work on a part-time basis as a counselor.
Because she was in a marriage she kept her distance from me. And I respected that.
What impressed me most as I got to know her was the way she treated her elderly grandmother. Every day she spent time on the phone with her. She never missed.
I find it attractive when someone treats their elders and others with love and compassion. It says a lot about who they are on the inside.
Eventually she moved on from working with us and we only talked every few months, if that. A few years later we ran into each other at a restaurant. And that's when I found out she'd filed for divorce a year earlier.
We've been together ever since. For that I'm grateful...
Because December 3rd is my wife's birthday. Plus it was the third anniversary of our marriage.
Her birthday is always reason for celebration. Our anniversary is another. Because our anniversary reminds me of the fortunate turn life took when we met.
When she walked into my office in 2004 to apply for a job she charmed me with her beauty and intelligence. And we hired her to work on a part-time basis as a counselor.
Because she was in a marriage she kept her distance from me. And I respected that.
What impressed me most as I got to know her was the way she treated her elderly grandmother. Every day she spent time on the phone with her. She never missed.
I find it attractive when someone treats their elders and others with love and compassion. It says a lot about who they are on the inside.
Eventually she moved on from working with us and we only talked every few months, if that. A few years later we ran into each other at a restaurant. And that's when I found out she'd filed for divorce a year earlier.
We've been together ever since. For that I'm grateful...
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Gratitude Gone
A client talks about a friend who relapsed after five years in recovery.
And while the man wasn't his sponsor, he was a mentor who encouraged him to stay in recovery. He even helped him out with small amounts of money when he first came to the program.
I can tell he's disappointed and heartbroken because the friend started using again. It's almost as if he can't believe it.
It's difficult when those we look up to, those who encouraged us to get into recovery, lose their own sobriety.
And while we may feel for them I believe it's deeper than that. When someone we consider a strong person - a role model - falls it makes us feel vulnerable.
After all, if someone this far along relapses, what are my chances? This person had all this knowledge, yet look at him.
And while the man wasn't his sponsor, he was a mentor who encouraged him to stay in recovery. He even helped him out with small amounts of money when he first came to the program.
I can tell he's disappointed and heartbroken because the friend started using again. It's almost as if he can't believe it.
It's difficult when those we look up to, those who encouraged us to get into recovery, lose their own sobriety.
And while we may feel for them I believe it's deeper than that. When someone we consider a strong person - a role model - falls it makes us feel vulnerable.
After all, if someone this far along relapses, what are my chances? This person had all this knowledge, yet look at him.
The bottom line, though, is no one ever poured liquor down our throats. Or forced us to smoke crack. Or shoot heroin.
We're always a party to our own relapse. We stop listening to what we tell others. We don't use our support group. Our gratitude is gone.
I encourage our client to keep working the program and he'll be alright.
We're always a party to our own relapse. We stop listening to what we tell others. We don't use our support group. Our gratitude is gone.
I encourage our client to keep working the program and he'll be alright.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
R.I.P Mike D.
Late yesterday afternoon I received a short email from the wife of a former client.
Her husband, Mike, had taken his life the day before. She'd let us know if there was to be a public service.
Those us at TLC are sad about his passing because he was a part of us over the years. He was a blue shirt who at times managed some of our big houses. He later returned as a resident. He was last with us a few months ago.
But beyond that he was the same as us. He was in recovery and fought the same battles we all do with our disease. He had his emotional ups and downs. Only this time he didn't make it back up.
Her husband, Mike, had taken his life the day before. She'd let us know if there was to be a public service.
Those us at TLC are sad about his passing because he was a part of us over the years. He was a blue shirt who at times managed some of our big houses. He later returned as a resident. He was last with us a few months ago.
But beyond that he was the same as us. He was in recovery and fought the same battles we all do with our disease. He had his emotional ups and downs. Only this time he didn't make it back up.
His passing reminds me of our vulnerabilities, of the disease that lives within those of us in recovery.
When clients pass on I sometimes soul search about what we could have done differently. But it's a meaningless exercise to do this because we have little power over others.
We offer our program and encourage clients to do their best to take advantage it. Unfortunately, not all of them are able to.
When clients pass on I sometimes soul search about what we could have done differently. But it's a meaningless exercise to do this because we have little power over others.
We offer our program and encourage clients to do their best to take advantage it. Unfortunately, not all of them are able to.
Monday, December 1, 2014
Aware of our Thoughts
A young TLC resident without much life experience has difficulty with others in his house.
He thinks no one likes him. He has the idea they're talking behind his back. He feels like everyone's against him
But when the group leader asks for specifics he has no answers.
How do you know no one likes you? Or that they're talking behind your back. Or that they're against you?
He reluctantly admits that it's just the way he feels. That it's all in his head.
The group leader points that unless we're psychic we don't know what others are thinking about anything.
Our out-of-control thoughts at times lead us to think the world is all about us. That we're the focal point of the universe. But that's not reality.
Reality is that most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to care much about we're doing.
Engaging in mindfulness practice helps us to be aware of our thoughts. As they arise we acknowledge them without judgment and let them pass.
If we do this for a while we come to realize that thoughts don't always represent truth. When we get to this point we find that our tolerance level for so-called issues in our life increases.
Our stress levels go down and our relationships with others improve.
He thinks no one likes him. He has the idea they're talking behind his back. He feels like everyone's against him
But when the group leader asks for specifics he has no answers.
How do you know no one likes you? Or that they're talking behind your back. Or that they're against you?
He reluctantly admits that it's just the way he feels. That it's all in his head.
The group leader points that unless we're psychic we don't know what others are thinking about anything.
Our out-of-control thoughts at times lead us to think the world is all about us. That we're the focal point of the universe. But that's not reality.
Reality is that most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to care much about we're doing.
Engaging in mindfulness practice helps us to be aware of our thoughts. As they arise we acknowledge them without judgment and let them pass.
If we do this for a while we come to realize that thoughts don't always represent truth. When we get to this point we find that our tolerance level for so-called issues in our life increases.
Our stress levels go down and our relationships with others improve.
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