Over the weekend we hear of the untimely death of a halfway house resident who left around six years ago.
It wasn't unexpected. Because a few weeks ago her drinking partner called our office. He said he didn't know how to help her, that her drinking was killing her.
One of our staff told him that - because he was drinking with her - he couldn't help her. That he should get her medical help instead. Apparently that help came too late.
This is another tragic example of two alcoholics in early recovery going against good advice. When they started living together no one thought it was the best idea.
At TLC we always advise against relationships too early in recovery. Under the best of circumstances - even among "normal" couples - relationships can present problems.
But add in the dynamic of addiction or alcoholism and the odds become even longer.
And in the case of this couple, recovery fell by the wayside.
Click here to email John
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Monday, April 6, 2015
Mother knows Best?
Over the years of operating TLC I've come to realize that problem parents often raise problem children.
While I know that DNA isn't always destiny, it sometimes seems that way.
For example, over the past month I've had three mothers contact me. And they were all upset about the same thing. Basically it was that we expect their child to be responsible.
We make them work. We ask for drug tests. They don't like our menu. We have them attend meetings. We wake them up early. We're too strict. These are just a few examples.
In other words we put structure into their lives. Something they likely didn't get at home, otherwise they wouldn't be with us.
Some of these mothers don't understand the concept of letting their child be responsible. They still want to manage their environment. And what they do with their lives.
While I know that DNA isn't always destiny, it sometimes seems that way.
For example, over the past month I've had three mothers contact me. And they were all upset about the same thing. Basically it was that we expect their child to be responsible.
We make them work. We ask for drug tests. They don't like our menu. We have them attend meetings. We wake them up early. We're too strict. These are just a few examples.
In other words we put structure into their lives. Something they likely didn't get at home, otherwise they wouldn't be with us.
Some of these mothers don't understand the concept of letting their child be responsible. They still want to manage their environment. And what they do with their lives.
If this happens more than once with the same parent I usually make a suggestion. And that is that since they seem to know what the child needs they should take them home with them.
So far none of them have followed that suggestion.
Click here to email John
So far none of them have followed that suggestion.
Click here to email John
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Easter Thoughts
This Easter I'm grateful to live in a peaceful country. One that doesn't suffer the same religious strife as many others.
In the news this week we learn of over 100 Christians slaughtered at a Kenyan university. Terrorists targeted them for their beliefs.
The countries around Israel want to wipe them off the map. Simply because they're Jews.
Most of the strife in the Mideast is over religious differences. And many innocents suffer and die as a result.
But in our country, those who celebrate Easter may do so in peace. They can worship in security.
And those who practice no religion are free to not believe in anything - if that's what they choose.
In spite of the many difference we see in our society, we can find much to be grateful for when we look at other parts of the world.
In the news this week we learn of over 100 Christians slaughtered at a Kenyan university. Terrorists targeted them for their beliefs.
The countries around Israel want to wipe them off the map. Simply because they're Jews.
Most of the strife in the Mideast is over religious differences. And many innocents suffer and die as a result.
But in our country, those who celebrate Easter may do so in peace. They can worship in security.
And those who practice no religion are free to not believe in anything - if that's what they choose.
In spite of the many difference we see in our society, we can find much to be grateful for when we look at other parts of the world.
Saturday, April 4, 2015
The real Story
TLC's reputation's not all that good in the recovery community.
Former clients talk about us being mean. About our managers selling drugs to the clients. About us making people work. About clients using drugs. Cockroaches. Bedbugs. About us putting people out because they use drugs or drink. The tales go on-and-on.
In fact, at one time the Department of Corrections quit sending residents for a while. The reason: parole violators would tell the board that everyone - including managers - used drugs at TLC.
The real story's different. Those who fail in our program seldom take responsibility for why they left. They're not going to admit they refused to work. That they failed a drug test or wouldn't pay their rent. That they threatened another client.
The real story is that we're not a place where people can be lazy or do what they want. We have a strict code of behavior and tough rules. No drugs. No alcohol. No sex on the property. No threats or violence. Pay service fees. Work. Attend meetings and groups.
When clients figure out that we're not going to tolerate bad behavior, they leave - often with our help. And when they leave they blame everyone but themselves.
Having said that, do clients get high once in a while? Of course. We run an open program where people work in the community every day. People also get high in prison. And they have fences, gun towers, guards and dogs.
The reality is that we spend over $50,000 a year on urinalysis and alcohol testing. Plus we search rooms and clients whenever we suspect drug use.
As to sanitation, we contract with pest control companies and have heat rooms in all our districts. We have an ongoing eradication program to deal with infestations.
We’re proud of our operation. And our door is always open to anyone who would like to get acquainted with what we do and how we do it.
In fact, at one time the Department of Corrections quit sending residents for a while. The reason: parole violators would tell the board that everyone - including managers - used drugs at TLC.
The real story's different. Those who fail in our program seldom take responsibility for why they left. They're not going to admit they refused to work. That they failed a drug test or wouldn't pay their rent. That they threatened another client.
The real story is that we're not a place where people can be lazy or do what they want. We have a strict code of behavior and tough rules. No drugs. No alcohol. No sex on the property. No threats or violence. Pay service fees. Work. Attend meetings and groups.
When clients figure out that we're not going to tolerate bad behavior, they leave - often with our help. And when they leave they blame everyone but themselves.
Having said that, do clients get high once in a while? Of course. We run an open program where people work in the community every day. People also get high in prison. And they have fences, gun towers, guards and dogs.
The reality is that we spend over $50,000 a year on urinalysis and alcohol testing. Plus we search rooms and clients whenever we suspect drug use.
As to sanitation, we contract with pest control companies and have heat rooms in all our districts. We have an ongoing eradication program to deal with infestations.
We’re proud of our operation. And our door is always open to anyone who would like to get acquainted with what we do and how we do it.
Friday, April 3, 2015
What we're About
A halfway house resident, recently freed from prison, shares his story.
He says the judge sent him away for drug trafficking. When he comes up for release he has nowhere to go except back to the hood. And the parole officer won't go for that. So he comes to TLC.
Once in our program he stays clean. But it's not easy. Because he's from the metro area he sometimes runs into old friends. All of them still in the game.
They want to front him a few pounds so he can make some quick money. Old girl friends from the drug world are willing to spend time with him. But, even though he's tempted, he declines. Because he knows where he'll go if he accepts their invitations.
Instead he stays in the program and does what's suggested. He goes to meetings. He attends groups. He does day labor. He passes his drug tests.
His family doesn't know what to think because he was always involved in using and dealing.
He says the judge sent him away for drug trafficking. When he comes up for release he has nowhere to go except back to the hood. And the parole officer won't go for that. So he comes to TLC.
Once in our program he stays clean. But it's not easy. Because he's from the metro area he sometimes runs into old friends. All of them still in the game.
They want to front him a few pounds so he can make some quick money. Old girl friends from the drug world are willing to spend time with him. But, even though he's tempted, he declines. Because he knows where he'll go if he accepts their invitations.
Instead he stays in the program and does what's suggested. He goes to meetings. He attends groups. He does day labor. He passes his drug tests.
His family doesn't know what to think because he was always involved in using and dealing.
Sometimes it's hard. But he likes the idea that he's no longer living in fear. Always looking over his shoulder.
He wants to stick around for a while and take things slow. This new life is strange to him. Yet he likes the idea that maybe he can stay clean and escape his past.
And I share this because this is what TLC's about: giving people a chance to do something different with their lives.
Click here to email John
He wants to stick around for a while and take things slow. This new life is strange to him. Yet he likes the idea that maybe he can stay clean and escape his past.
And I share this because this is what TLC's about: giving people a chance to do something different with their lives.
Click here to email John
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Losing Gratitude
About 95% of the halfway house clients who come to us are homeless. And without resources.
No job. No money. No credit. Many have no identification. Some have only the clothes they're wearing. We often pick them up because they don't have a car.
But after they're with us a few weeks things change. They get food and rest. We help them find work and get their identification. Outfit them with clothes. After they're with us a few months, we even help them with dental work and glasses.
And most of those we help are grateful. Especially those who are serious about their recovery.
But a small percentage, once they start feeling better, begin to complain about the conditions. We make them work. The food's not to their liking. Their room's not nice enough. The complaints go on.
And sometimes they get their family involved - if the family is still talking to them.
When the family chimes in, it's always about how poorly we're treating their baby. We feed them too much pasta. Why do they have to have a roommate? Why did we serve beets and chicken twice in one week? Some of the residents have been in jail. Why do we charge $110 a week? There are a variety of complaints.
Usually the complaints stop when I gently remind them that a few weeks earlier their sweet child was living behind Circle K. Or in a park. Or maybe on a bus bench.
And that the only food they got was from either shoplifting, St. Vincent de Paul, a dumpster - or panhandling.
The complaining always stops when I suggest they let them come back home.
Click here to email John
No job. No money. No credit. Many have no identification. Some have only the clothes they're wearing. We often pick them up because they don't have a car.
But after they're with us a few weeks things change. They get food and rest. We help them find work and get their identification. Outfit them with clothes. After they're with us a few months, we even help them with dental work and glasses.
And most of those we help are grateful. Especially those who are serious about their recovery.
But a small percentage, once they start feeling better, begin to complain about the conditions. We make them work. The food's not to their liking. Their room's not nice enough. The complaints go on.
And sometimes they get their family involved - if the family is still talking to them.
When the family chimes in, it's always about how poorly we're treating their baby. We feed them too much pasta. Why do they have to have a roommate? Why did we serve beets and chicken twice in one week? Some of the residents have been in jail. Why do we charge $110 a week? There are a variety of complaints.
Usually the complaints stop when I gently remind them that a few weeks earlier their sweet child was living behind Circle K. Or in a park. Or maybe on a bus bench.
And that the only food they got was from either shoplifting, St. Vincent de Paul, a dumpster - or panhandling.
The complaining always stops when I suggest they let them come back home.
Click here to email John
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Drug Dreams
Once in a while I have dreams that remind me of who I am: an addict. Oh, they don't happen often. Maybe once every few years.
But it kind of surprises me that I still have these dreams. Especially after having been clean for 24 years.
And there's never anything going on in my life that seems to precipitate them. In fact, when I had this dream I was on a relaxing three day vacation in Rocky Point. Just enjoying life in a condo with a view of the Sea of Cortez. But then I awaken with a smudgy memory of using heroin with some people I don't even know. Then I'm relieved when I realize it was just a bad dream.
It wasn't a big enough deal to me to want to talk to my sponsor about it.
But it did make me recognize that embedded deep in my subconscious, in the mix of old memories, there still lurks an addict.
And that's why it's important for me to never forget where I come from. And to use the tools I've learned in the 12 step programs as insurance that I'll never return to those dark days.
But it kind of surprises me that I still have these dreams. Especially after having been clean for 24 years.
And there's never anything going on in my life that seems to precipitate them. In fact, when I had this dream I was on a relaxing three day vacation in Rocky Point. Just enjoying life in a condo with a view of the Sea of Cortez. But then I awaken with a smudgy memory of using heroin with some people I don't even know. Then I'm relieved when I realize it was just a bad dream.
It wasn't a big enough deal to me to want to talk to my sponsor about it.
But it did make me recognize that embedded deep in my subconscious, in the mix of old memories, there still lurks an addict.
And that's why it's important for me to never forget where I come from. And to use the tools I've learned in the 12 step programs as insurance that I'll never return to those dark days.
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