Reflections on Mexico

Sometimes people ask - when I'm planning a trip to Mexico - if I'm afraid to come here. When I seem puzzled, they talk about the violence, the drug wars, and the crime.

My answer is that I'm far more afraid of visiting certain areas of Phoenix than to come here.

Much of what we hear are sensationalized stories about Mexico. We hear of cartels, smuggling, and kidnappings. While these things happen, they are blown out of proportion by the media. After all, it's been proven over and over that bad news outsells good 2 to 1.

True, crime and violence occur, but I've never seen it. Nor does the average citizen here. They say it's dangerous here if one is trafficking in drugs, guns or other contraband. Otherwise, it's peaceful.  And at the least, no more dangerous than any other civilized country.

On another note my perception is that people here are happier and kinder than in the states. They greet each other - even strangers - with smiles. Young and old, they are unfailingly courteous and helpful.

Family and religious values are strong; almost like a trip back to the fifties when the U.S. shared similar values.

And they don't hurry. A common saying here is "I'll be back in a Mexican minute." Which kind of means they'll be back when you see them.

Check the links below to see a comparison of how the U.S. and Mexico compare on the happiness scale.

Wikipedia report

Live Science Report

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Into Acceptance

Each day I ride an open-air trolley from the tower I'm at in Mexico to an office a quarter mile down the hill. I make the trip, because management won't let me park our car beneath the condo. Even though there are a dozen big spaces in the basement. And a few have cars in them.

After 11:00 each night our car has to be stored in a garage under the main building.

So, when I'm ready to use the car in the morning a trolley shows up. And when I'm done in the evening I drop it back at the office.

But because I like rules that make sense, this irritated me. So I went to the front desk to see if I could park there. They said no. It was something about "security."

So I asked to see a supervisor, thinking maybe a small bribe was in order. But every time I'm there he's "busy" doing something else.

After a few days of this and going back and forth I got into acceptance. I decided I wasn't going to spend another minute of my time off thinking about a parking space. And once I got into acceptance I immediately felt better.

Instead I enjoy the trip down the steep and winding cobblestone road through the jungle and feel blessed that I'm such a beautiful place.

Acceptance made a difference.

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Serendipity

One thing I never do In Mexico is spend time talking to vendors. And they're everywhere. On the sidewalks. In the markets. In the malls. On the beaches.

And the reason I don't is that I have enough stuff to last me a lifetime. Knick knacks, souvenirs, cups, gadgets. All junk that gathers dust until I throw it away.

And timeshares, the thing most everyone sells here, are the worst investment in the world. Buy one and you end up paying a monthly maintenance fee and so on for years. On a property you can only use one week of the year.

But yesterday I broke my rule, kind of by accident. I'm leaning up against an empty kiosk working on my iPhone, sending a photo to someone at home. And up walks the owner of the kiosk.

Because I'm on his turf, I'm nice and he offers to sell me a tour. No. Then it's a zip line experience. No. A swim with dolphins. No. Dinner on a pirate ship. No. A cruise on a jungle river. No. Then he pops the timeshare question. Again I tell him no.

And I explain why I think they're one of the worst investments in the universe. So he finally drops the sales talk and we segue into a different conversation. In fact we spent another hour talking about drug and alcohol treatment.

I learn that he's involved with others in putting together a treatment program. It's in old hotel in a town 45 miles to the North of Puerto Vallarta. It will be the first one in this area.

He has a lot of interest in our 24 years of experience with TLC. He wonders if there's some way we can work together. We exchange cards and agree to continue the dialogue.

Isn't it strange how people run into each other?

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From the Past...

They show up once in a while. Ghosts from the past. Appearing out of the mist.

Bringing memories of days spent scavenging the urban landscape. Looking for something to exchange for heroin.

Recollections of 25 years ago when I was running amok. Living only to stay high or drunk.

At the time I felt a bond with some of those I ran with. We were fellow predators, working like a team of lions on the prairie. Sharing the spoils of our hunt.

We searched for things to take and the spoils were the heroin we could buy. We had common goals and interests. We were a team.

Then this week one of them sends a message that he's free. He spent most of a decade in a cage somewhere in another state. He's been free for a few weeks. He wants me to call.

But it feels clumsy - what do we talk about? I've been out of prisons and jails for years. I've been clean for 25 years next month. I don't know what they talk about on the big yard these days. But if it's like when I was there it's about drugs, sex, and how to hustle. Where the best dope was. Who to trust or not trust.

Today all I know is the recovery world. I'm immersed in family and sobriety and therapy and mindfulness. That's my life today.

I probably will call when I return from vacation. But it will be a short conversation if he wants to share war stories. But possibly he'll say he's tired of what he's been doing.

And that could be a place for us to start a conversation.

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Celebrating

December 3 is a big day each year on my calendar.

Four years ago today my lovely wife, Dawn, and I married in Las Vegas. And today also is her birthday.

This year we're splurging at a cliff-side resort five miles south of Puerto Vallarta to commemorate the day. We have a sweeping view of the ocean and jungle from our wrap around fifth floor corner suite. There's a Jacuzzi on the patio, and a hammock stretched across one corner. Kind of a heaven on earth scenario. In the daytime there's a gentle 80 degree breeze coming off the ocean a few hundred feet below.

Both of us are grateful to have the blessings we have today. We've been in recovery since the early 90s. We both suffered traumatic experience that left us trying to cover our pain with years of addiction.

She took one path when she got sober, going to school and earning four degrees. Then working for the Federal Government for 12 years.

I took another, building a recovery business that has succeeded beyond my dreams.

I describe our lives because I want those we work with to realize that once sober we can enjoy life without drugs and alcohol. We can succeed at whatever we're willing to work at.

Does that mean we're well now? Not really. At times we both wrestle with the demons and nightmares of our past. Just like many of the addicts we work with.

But neither of us runs back to the dark side. Instead we use the tools we've been given. We rarely argue, instead we support and love one another. She can tell when I need propping up. And I know when she needs extra love and understanding.

God blessed me ten years ago when she came into my life. And so today I wish her happy birthday -and anniversary.

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Mindfulness

We've added mindfulness meditation to our outpatient treatment program over the past year. Each group includes a brief segment of mindfulness to help clients learn the practice. And one group a week is made up entirely of mindfulness training.

It's been so successful in the outpatient treatment part of TLC that we're slowly expanding it into the halfway houses. One day we hope to have it as a regular part of the peer counseling we offer our 700 halfway house clients.

But what is mindfulness? One of my favorite definitions is "being fully aware of present experience with acceptance."

It's simple to learn how to meditate - but it's more difficult to practice it. The simplest instruction is to focus on our breathing, following our breath as it enters and leaves our nostrils. Or we can follow the rise and fall of our chest, or our stomach, as we inhale and exhale.

Most of our clients say it's difficult to stay focused on the breath. And that's true. The mind is like a monkey. It jumps all over the place. Mindfulness happens when we notice our thoughts, accept them non-judgmentally, then let them go. And we practice this over and over each day.

What's the point? What are the benefits?

Over 10,000 studies over the past 30 years show that mindfulness brings us more clarity, less depression, and a state of well- being. The benefits are too numerous to list here so I'm providing links for those who have an interest in this practice.

Mindfulness Solutions

Free Downloads

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A little Respect

Every so often someone is sent to my office because they can't get along with their co-workers on one of the outside crews.

They argue. They put one another down. They talk about the other person's lack of skill. They don't know how to do the job right. They have a lot of reasons for not getting along.

When I ask why they have this communication problem they say they don't know. They can't keep their mouth shut. They lose patience. They get frustrated and blow up. Or they rationalize and blame it on the other person.

Usually I tell them I'm surprised when I hear about their poor communication. Because when they talk to me they're polite. They're respectful. And they're gentlemen. And when they're around me we always get along.

My point is that they can control how they speak to others. The same skills that let them get along with one in authority is the same skill that will help them get along with anyone.

If we treat others as if they're the most important person in the world we'll likely never have a communication problem. That's because most everyone responds to respect and kindness.

If we talk to everyone like we talk to the so-called "important" people we'll much further along in life. And we won’t be fighting with anyone.

Remember, we all like to feel important.  And respect if one way to make others feel that way.

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