In a jewelry store here in Maui I asked the woman waiting on us how her day was going. Her answer surprised me.
Because she smiled and said, "I haven't had a bad day in 39 years." And I could tell by her demeanor that she really meant it.
Now, of course, I understand that she didn't mean that bad things hadn't occurred in her life. What she was telling me though was a very important message. Especially for us addicts.
Her message was that we choose how we look at life each day. We choose what kind of moments we have.
We can awake and maybe not feel the greatest, but it's easy for us to turn that around if we want. Bad days or good days are the choices we make.
If we wake up on the wrong side of the bed we can do things to change that mood. Perhaps we meditate. Do several minutes of yoga and stretching. Go to the gym. Take a swim.
Or perhaps we reflect that we are fortunate to have the blessings we have in our lives: a bed to sleep in, food to eat, friends and family to share our lives with.
Our day is our choice. Let's have a good one.
Click here to email John
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
Sunday, August 12, 2018
TLC is Unique
Transitional Living Communities, a non-profit corporation, is unique among recovery programs in Arizona. In fact, there aren't any in the United States that work the same way - at least to my knowledge.
The program was started in January 1992 with no government funding - just addicts with dreams of staying sober and rebuilding their lives. The first housing was an old three-building complex on south Robson street in Mesa, Arizona.
In the beginning, we struggled to make ends meet. We found used beds and furniture. We pooled our money to buy food. Everyone, even the managers, worked outside jobs and contributed toward paying the bills. Nothing came easy in the early days.
None of the managers drew salaries, a few of them didn't get paid for the first two years. Everyone had their eyes on the goal: to help recovering addicts rebuild their lives, a mission that made the struggles worthwhile.
One unique policy we had was that we accepted any addict who asked for help, whether he had money or not. The only exception is that we didn't accept sexual predators or arsonists. It's a policy we still follow today.
At this writing, we house as many as 850 clients at one time. We serve some 2700 meals a day. We obtain clothing, dental services, prescription glasses and other medical services for our clients.
Over the years we've created several businesses, including a temporary labor group, an air conditioning company, a roofing and remodeling company, a state-licensed treatment program, a towing company, a convenience store, a maintenance service, - all businesses that provide employment and training for those who come to us mostly without skills. Recently we obtained our State contractor's license, which allows us to build from the ground up. And between Thanksgiving and Christmas, we sell Christmas trees from Oregon to provide bonuses to our management team and also for those who run the lots.
Almost 27 years later we're still doing the same thing and helping those who have no where else to turn.
Click here to email John
The program was started in January 1992 with no government funding - just addicts with dreams of staying sober and rebuilding their lives. The first housing was an old three-building complex on south Robson street in Mesa, Arizona.
In the beginning, we struggled to make ends meet. We found used beds and furniture. We pooled our money to buy food. Everyone, even the managers, worked outside jobs and contributed toward paying the bills. Nothing came easy in the early days.
None of the managers drew salaries, a few of them didn't get paid for the first two years. Everyone had their eyes on the goal: to help recovering addicts rebuild their lives, a mission that made the struggles worthwhile.
One unique policy we had was that we accepted any addict who asked for help, whether he had money or not. The only exception is that we didn't accept sexual predators or arsonists. It's a policy we still follow today.
At this writing, we house as many as 850 clients at one time. We serve some 2700 meals a day. We obtain clothing, dental services, prescription glasses and other medical services for our clients.
Over the years we've created several businesses, including a temporary labor group, an air conditioning company, a roofing and remodeling company, a state-licensed treatment program, a towing company, a convenience store, a maintenance service, - all businesses that provide employment and training for those who come to us mostly without skills. Recently we obtained our State contractor's license, which allows us to build from the ground up. And between Thanksgiving and Christmas, we sell Christmas trees from Oregon to provide bonuses to our management team and also for those who run the lots.
Almost 27 years later we're still doing the same thing and helping those who have no where else to turn.
Click here to email John
Thursday, August 9, 2018
Gift of Recovery
Nearly 28 years ago, right before I got sober, I never dreamed I'd have the life I enjoy today. In fact back then, in 1990 and 1991, I wasn't sure I was going to survive much longer.
I had a drug and alcohol habit that required all of my waking hours. I would go out in the morning and steal something to drink. Once I downed enough alcohol I'd find the courage to steal something I could sell to buy - or trade for - some heroin. And that was my life right before I got sober: stealing, getting out of my mind, then repeating the cycle over and over.
I think the only reason I got sober was that I had a moment of clarity where I realized that if I kept on the path I was on I'd either be back in prison or suffer a miserable death. And that's when I went into a detox in Mesa, Arizona with a commitment to change my life. I had a resolve to get sober and followed through with it.
And I write about this today as I'm sitting on the patio of a condo in Maui, reflecting upon the many blessings I have in my life.
When I got sober I had only one plan: to stop living in misery as a slave to alcohol and drugs. Yet my Creator has blessed me with everything I've dreamed of all because I made a decision.
Not only have I been sober nearly 28 years, I also lead a life where I'm able to be of service to other addicts and alcoholics. I have a circle of great friends, I have financial security, I have peace.
And I attribute all of these wonderful blessings to that long ago decision to make a change.
Click here to email John
I had a drug and alcohol habit that required all of my waking hours. I would go out in the morning and steal something to drink. Once I downed enough alcohol I'd find the courage to steal something I could sell to buy - or trade for - some heroin. And that was my life right before I got sober: stealing, getting out of my mind, then repeating the cycle over and over.
I think the only reason I got sober was that I had a moment of clarity where I realized that if I kept on the path I was on I'd either be back in prison or suffer a miserable death. And that's when I went into a detox in Mesa, Arizona with a commitment to change my life. I had a resolve to get sober and followed through with it.
And I write about this today as I'm sitting on the patio of a condo in Maui, reflecting upon the many blessings I have in my life.
When I got sober I had only one plan: to stop living in misery as a slave to alcohol and drugs. Yet my Creator has blessed me with everything I've dreamed of all because I made a decision.
Not only have I been sober nearly 28 years, I also lead a life where I'm able to be of service to other addicts and alcoholics. I have a circle of great friends, I have financial security, I have peace.
And I attribute all of these wonderful blessings to that long ago decision to make a change.
Click here to email John
Monday, August 6, 2018
Forget the Past
In the recovery field, I deal with many troubled people who blame today's problems on how they were raised. They blame the past for their failure to succeed in relationships, careers or whatever else they set out to do.
As a result, they muddle through life, drinking, using recreational drugs, or serial sex partners to ease their self-induced pain. They might achieve some degree of success, only to self-destruct because they can't get over whatever happened to them.
Now some of these folks truly have been abused, either sexually or emotionally, and have reason to be distressed about those events. But I always ask them the same question: do you want to squander the precious moments of your life reacting to what happened 20 or 30 years ago? Events that may be distorted or magnified by time and the constant reliving of them in your mind?
I remember one client who had a wonderful upbringing with all the amenities and privileges. Yet she blames her past for her current misery. No matter what goes on in her life she finds someone else to blame. She's constructed a fantasy personal history that explains away all her failures and unhappiness - a history that bears no semblance of truth.
The reality for all of us is that life is sometimes a bitch, filled with disappointment and unhappiness. And the way to get happy is to be real with ourselves and recognize that life sometimes sucks. If we can really believe that then we can roll with the times when we're down. We can accept that things don't always go our way. That the world is sometimes quite unfair.
Obstacles and pain often teach us the most valuable lessons.
Click here to email John
As a result, they muddle through life, drinking, using recreational drugs, or serial sex partners to ease their self-induced pain. They might achieve some degree of success, only to self-destruct because they can't get over whatever happened to them.
Now some of these folks truly have been abused, either sexually or emotionally, and have reason to be distressed about those events. But I always ask them the same question: do you want to squander the precious moments of your life reacting to what happened 20 or 30 years ago? Events that may be distorted or magnified by time and the constant reliving of them in your mind?
I remember one client who had a wonderful upbringing with all the amenities and privileges. Yet she blames her past for her current misery. No matter what goes on in her life she finds someone else to blame. She's constructed a fantasy personal history that explains away all her failures and unhappiness - a history that bears no semblance of truth.
The reality for all of us is that life is sometimes a bitch, filled with disappointment and unhappiness. And the way to get happy is to be real with ourselves and recognize that life sometimes sucks. If we can really believe that then we can roll with the times when we're down. We can accept that things don't always go our way. That the world is sometimes quite unfair.
Obstacles and pain often teach us the most valuable lessons.
Click here to email John
Friday, August 3, 2018
Defusing Anger
After unloading groceries into the trunk of my car the other day in a supermarket parking lot, I turned around to see the basket I'd just emptied rolling down the gentle slope of the lot toward the back of another car.
It was already 10 or 12 feet away from me and only a few feet from the car when I noticed it, so I was unable to stop it from running into the car's bumper. It made a gentle thud as it came to a stop.
The owner of the car, who was sitting inside, immediately jumped out and came over to me and began giving me a loud lecture about how I should've been more careful with my basket so it wouldn't have run into his car.
Now there was a time in my life that when I would've reacted to his anger differently than I did the other day. Because he was very belligerent, almost as if I had done it on purpose
Rather than engaging in a heated disagreement on a 110° day, I agreed with him that I should've been more careful with the basket. And I apologized if there was any damage to his car. And after we examined the bumper and determined that it hadn't been damaged, that kind of put an end to our conversation. We ended up shaking hands and going our separate ways.
But I could tell that he was the kind of person, that had I reacted with the same anger that he did, the outcome might've been entirely different.
One of the things we learn in the twelve-step programs is that "we ceased fighting anyone or anything..."
And that's a principle that I apply in my life today. Even though I felt like arguing with the guy about the parking lot incident, I realize that arguing wouldn't help anything. So rather than escalate the incident, I offered an apology. Which is something that wouldn't have happened in the days before I got sober.
As I drove out of the parking lot I gave credit to my recovery program for having the ability to defuse what potentially could have been a bad situation. Yes, it may seem like a small incident. But many times small incidents have caused me – and others – a lot of problems.
Click here to email John
It was already 10 or 12 feet away from me and only a few feet from the car when I noticed it, so I was unable to stop it from running into the car's bumper. It made a gentle thud as it came to a stop.
The owner of the car, who was sitting inside, immediately jumped out and came over to me and began giving me a loud lecture about how I should've been more careful with my basket so it wouldn't have run into his car.
Now there was a time in my life that when I would've reacted to his anger differently than I did the other day. Because he was very belligerent, almost as if I had done it on purpose
Rather than engaging in a heated disagreement on a 110° day, I agreed with him that I should've been more careful with the basket. And I apologized if there was any damage to his car. And after we examined the bumper and determined that it hadn't been damaged, that kind of put an end to our conversation. We ended up shaking hands and going our separate ways.
But I could tell that he was the kind of person, that had I reacted with the same anger that he did, the outcome might've been entirely different.
One of the things we learn in the twelve-step programs is that "we ceased fighting anyone or anything..."
And that's a principle that I apply in my life today. Even though I felt like arguing with the guy about the parking lot incident, I realize that arguing wouldn't help anything. So rather than escalate the incident, I offered an apology. Which is something that wouldn't have happened in the days before I got sober.
As I drove out of the parking lot I gave credit to my recovery program for having the ability to defuse what potentially could have been a bad situation. Yes, it may seem like a small incident. But many times small incidents have caused me – and others – a lot of problems.
Click here to email John
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
Too Young to Die
As I arrive at the office yesterday I greet a coworker who's usually upbeat and cheerful. But right away I notice she's kind of down and teary-eyed.
Before I can ask what's going on she tells me that her 13-year-old nephew had passed away after a long battle with a blood disease.
It was kind of a shock because I'd been on the internet following his back and forth battle with the disease. And because at times he seemed to be improving I never really considered that he might suddenly pass away. He was just too young, hadn't even had a chance to experience life.
My coworker mentioned how we addicts and alcoholics are still alive after all of the messes we create in our lives and in the world, but we lose a young and innocent boy.
Yet the truth is that innocent, good people, succumb randomly to illness or accidents in a pattern that shows there are no universal rules, no cosmic justice, about who survives and who doesn't.
Perhaps one takeaway from this is that we should try to live our lives to the fullest, giving our best to the world and being grateful for the moments we have on this planet.
Regardless of how we lived in the past.
Click here to email John
Before I can ask what's going on she tells me that her 13-year-old nephew had passed away after a long battle with a blood disease.
It was kind of a shock because I'd been on the internet following his back and forth battle with the disease. And because at times he seemed to be improving I never really considered that he might suddenly pass away. He was just too young, hadn't even had a chance to experience life.
My coworker mentioned how we addicts and alcoholics are still alive after all of the messes we create in our lives and in the world, but we lose a young and innocent boy.
Yet the truth is that innocent, good people, succumb randomly to illness or accidents in a pattern that shows there are no universal rules, no cosmic justice, about who survives and who doesn't.
Perhaps one takeaway from this is that we should try to live our lives to the fullest, giving our best to the world and being grateful for the moments we have on this planet.
Regardless of how we lived in the past.
Click here to email John
Saturday, July 28, 2018
Slowing Down
The other day I got an after-hours call from a placement counselor at a detoxification program. They were discharging a client and they had no place to put him. Could we help?
The only problem with this request for help was that the counselor was talking so fast
I could barely understand what he was saying. He sounded like the people at the end of radio commercial disclaimers that talk so fast I can never figure out what the hell they're saying.
Finally, I asked him to slow down, take a breath, and tell me what he wanted and I would see if we could help. So he slowed down and explained what he needed.
Well, as it turned out, the client wasn't appropriate for TLC because he had underlying psychiatric issues that we weren't trained to deal with. So we were unable to help - other than to give him the names of other programs that might be able to assist.
One thing I've learned after being in business for much of my life is that - unless someone's life is in danger or the building's on fire there are very few true emergencies. There are just situations that we label emergencies and we try to speed everything up so we can get done with whatever we're working on.
Part of staying serene and calm is to not get in a big hurry about anything. If we practice this we'll find that our stress level is lower and - surprise! - we get just as much done as if we go full speed.
And with fewer mistakes.
Click here to email John
The only problem with this request for help was that the counselor was talking so fast
I could barely understand what he was saying. He sounded like the people at the end of radio commercial disclaimers that talk so fast I can never figure out what the hell they're saying.
Finally, I asked him to slow down, take a breath, and tell me what he wanted and I would see if we could help. So he slowed down and explained what he needed.
Well, as it turned out, the client wasn't appropriate for TLC because he had underlying psychiatric issues that we weren't trained to deal with. So we were unable to help - other than to give him the names of other programs that might be able to assist.
One thing I've learned after being in business for much of my life is that - unless someone's life is in danger or the building's on fire there are very few true emergencies. There are just situations that we label emergencies and we try to speed everything up so we can get done with whatever we're working on.
Part of staying serene and calm is to not get in a big hurry about anything. If we practice this we'll find that our stress level is lower and - surprise! - we get just as much done as if we go full speed.
And with fewer mistakes.
Click here to email John
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