Higher Power?

Higher Power is a term is a term that one hears frequently in the twelve-step programs.

And Higher Power is a term that a lot of new addicts and alcoholics have a problem with. And I suppose, in some ways, that this is understandable. After all, most addicts and alcoholics that we meet at 12 step meetings or treatment programs didn't get there because they were on a winning streak. They almost all arrived there because life, in one way or the other, kicked their asses.

And Higher Power pops up a lot in the rooms and sometimes one even hears the word "God." And if one wants to have problem with the twelve-step programs this is an easy and obvious way to start. A lot of people object to the idea of having to believe in anything or anybody – especially a power greater than themselves.

But if one sticks around the rooms long enough and is under the guidance of a wise sponsor she/he will come to understand that there are many powers and forces in our world that are greater than ourselves.

My personal opinion – and I emphasize that this is my personal opinion – is that people use the idea of "God" or "Higher Power" as a way to not commit to the program, as a sort of backdoor because they really haven't yet committed to their sobriety and recovery. Now I could understand their feelings if some denominational church or worldwide religion were pushing this idea upon them. And there are churches that do have twelve-step programs. But as far as I know, none are registered with the central office of any of the twelve-step programs that I'm familiar with.

For those who have trouble with the concept of a higher power I suggest they think of it in a more philosophical fashion. Perhaps they take a walk on the beach, sit down, and marvel as the waves roll into the shore, then recede gently back into the depths of the ocean. One doesn't have to believe in God to accept the idea that a power greater than themselves has created this marvel they are witnessing. Or perhaps they take a walk into a forest or canyon and recognize that some force greater than themselves created that wonderful landscape.

And sometimes I see things as being created by a power greater than myself – a spiritual force – in modern projects. I once drove two to three times a month between Phoenix and Las Vegas on business on US Highway 93 over about 12 years. I passed over the Colorado River via Hoover dam on each trip, where a bridge was being built so that people wouldn't have to drive across the dam any longer. It took some seven years to build the dam, which is considered the longest concrete arch in the world. And during my trips I would observe the project as it slowly arose from each bank of the Colorado River where it was to meet in the center. I marveled at the expanse of the project. I was amazed that a group of human beings could cooperate in such a way as to create what is a truly amazing structure when looked at from below. (Driving over the bridge from the top, one might barely notice it if they weren't aware of the project before hand.)

I was able to witness the project from beginning to end, and because I only took trips out there every few weeks I could see the slow progress of the project and marvel at the idea of so many diverse people working together toward one goal. And when they finally completed the arch it was reported that it was only three quarters of an inch off from one side of the concrete span to the other – which to me was a miracle.

One doesn't have to look far to see powers greater than themselves: think the corona virus that's spread all over today's news, witness the devastation of typhoons and hurricanes and forest fires and floods and perhaps visualize yourself as having more power than such forces. It's okay if someone doesn't want to get sober. But to use the concept of a Higher Power as an excuse to not do so is rather naive.

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RIP Tinash

So yesterday I get a message about a former client named Tinash who was at TLC some five years ago who passed away from what was likely an opioid overdose. And the person who sent the message was a lady friend of his who finally had to go her own way because of his addiction – even though she still loved him.

She said he'd passed away in Missouri last December.  And since his remains couldn't be immediately identified his ashes were unable to be claimed by his family until February 25th from the third party that was holding them - perhaps a funeral home or crematory.

I was sorry to hear that Tinash passed away because he was a wonderful person. He was intelligent, easy to communicate with and cared about others.

He was gifted with such an intellect that he received two full-ride scholarships to major universities in his younger years. One scholarship was for soccer (which he loved) and the other for debate. He ultimately chose to study political science and debate.

Not only did I know him, but on one occasion I also became acquainted with his father - a pastor who dearly loved his son. The family was from Nigeria and migrated here when he was eight years old.

There will be a service on Saturday, February 29, at Grace Baptist Church, at 1120 E. Plainview Rd., Springfield, Missouri, for those who wish to send cards, flowers, or to attend.

May you go in peace, Tinash,

Click here to email Johnschwary@msn.com

Temporary Emotions

"Emotions are temporary states of mind. Don’t let them permanently destroy you"  unknown

Many times we act like how we feel at the moment is the way things will be forever. And that's when we' re walking on quicksand. Because anytime we think that our anger is permanent we're in trouble. Anytime our frustration seems like a never-ending burden we' re also in trouble.

Because these are the times we let our emotions rule us. And as addicts and alcoholics in recovery, we all know that when we let our emotions rule us we have that magic solution waiting for us: either a visit to the dope house or the liquor store. And there is no such thing in my world as one visit to a dope house. Or one visit to the liquor department. For me, once the ball gets rolling someone else has to stop it because I'm usually incapable of doing it. And that someone who will usually stop it for me is a representative of the law – either a police officer or a parole officer. Once I get addicted to whatever I'm using at the time it's never a fun thing when it comes to a screeching halt because by then I've lost everything and I usually end up living the next few months or years in some type of cage.

But now that I've been sober 29 years I don't get into these situations anymore. I've learned something called "self-talk." And you know, the more I use it, the easier it gets for me to talk myself out of a bad place or a bad mood and move on with my day.

Since I work in a recovery program I have many opportunities to see people who are acting like their life is in permanent trouble over a temporary situation. Their family may be angry with them. They may have to pay child custody payments and not have a job. They may have hepatitis C. Maybe their last excursion in the drug world cost them everything they had plus a moment or two in jail – something that they're still fighting about even though it's in the past and they once more have their freedom. You name the problem and I've had someone tell me about it.

But I try to teach them what I do without being critical of them. I may tell them that I didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning but instead, I made myself place my feet on the floor and get into my gym clothes and spend 30 to 45 minutes dragging my carcass around the gym. At the same time, I'm doing this, I also have a set of headphones and am listening to some type of positive thinking talk. There are so many resources today that we can listen to on YouTube for nothing, the motivation that will reset any kind of bad mood.

I tell myself things like "John, you didn't get sober and clean to lead. So get off your ass and get moving and do something for someone else. It will make you feel better." And invariably whatever I tell myself of this nature works. Because I did not get sober to lead a miserable life. I got sober to be happy, joyous, and free of the kind of emotions used to drive me to feel good experimenting with different chemicals. Experiments – by the way – but I never could seem to get right.

So while it might sound silly to talk to yourself, remember that no one has to hear you talk because you don't have to say anything out loud. The conversation only takes place in your head. But if it's a good conversation it gets you on fire. It gets you to open your meditation book. It gets you to doing some push-ups. It makes you open your iPad and listen to a motivational talk.

If that temporary state of mind that you're carrying around is negative, I challenge you to change it. Because I know that if one thing an alcoholic or addict has is a creative mind; if he didn't have one he wouldn't be able to hustle enough drugs to stay high.

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Great Team

I remember when I first went on vacation back in 1994, the first I'd had since I opened TLC in 1992. And I was so paranoid when I went away from the program for a week that I stopped at every phone booth and punched in my pager number so that someone would call and let me know that everything was okay.

Finally, the staff got tired of me calling and told me they were no longer going to answer my pages. That I should just enjoy my vacation and quit bothering them. And with a certain level of anxiety, I did exactly as they said and didn't call during the rest of the vacation. Because in their own blunt way, they let me know that I could have confidence in their ability to run the program while I was away. And when I get back everything was fine.

And now when I go on vacation I seldom call unless I need a specific bit of information. And that's because we have a staff that is well-trained and reliable who take care of the business while I'm out of town.

Today when I opened my office door, everything was exactly as I when left. I looked at reports. I walked through the offices. I asked questions. Everything was functioning just as it was supposed to.

I sometimes am amazed at what addicts can do when they all get on the same page. I have a strong belief that our society could model many recovery programs after our program. Programs where addicts work together to help each other change their lives – and at no expense to taxpayers. In fact, what we do provides great savings to taxpayers because we help keep people out of jail, out of prison, out of mental hospitals without funding from any agencies.

I'm not sure the government will ever allow addicts to help each other without exerting a lot of control over how they operate. For some reason, they seem to think they know the answers to all social problems. 

And my belief is that because of government intervention we have the massive drug problems we are dealing with today.

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Kind Mexicans

I'm in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico as I write this.  And often, before I come here, some of my friends ask me if I'm not afraid to visit South of the border.

And my answer is usually the same.  I reply that there are places in Phoenix and other areas of the United States that are as dangerous - or more so - than here. Think Chicago, for example, where there may be 40 shootings on a weekend. Or Los Angeles, or any other metropolitan areas where gangs do battle over drug turf. 

In my 25 years of coming here, I've never seen a fight.  And, even though people drive as crazily as anywhere, I've only seen one or two auto accidents.

In my experience, this is a peaceful and friendly place and I can easily visualize myself living here someday out of the hustle and bustle of the Phoenix metro area where I've lived for over 30 years.

As an example of how gracious the folks are here, I'll tell you about how some locals helped me out of a dilemma this past Sunday.  I 'd pulled over to use a portable bathroom at the roadside.  And when I was done and started to drive off I was unable to drive anywhere.  The patch of dirt I'd parked on consisted of a crust of sand on top of a pool of wet sand that had swallowed our rental car to the front bumper.  And no matter what I tried I was going nowhere.

While I was trying to dig my way out with my hands, a cab driver dressed in a white shirt and tie stopped and offered his help, but to no avail.  Then a gentleman in a BMW stopped and tried pulling us out with a nylon strap he attached to his bumper.  Still no luck.

By now, we were surrounded by a gathering of neighbors - men, women, and children - offering to help.  And finally, with the BMW pulling, and about ten neighbors pushing, we were unstuck. 

And the interesting thing is that most of them didn't want to accept any pesos for their efforts. It was simply a case of people wanting to be helpful to their fellow humans - gringos they didn't even know and might never see again.

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Opioid Tsunami

I read that in Franklin County, Ohio, so many addicts are dying from Fentanyl overdoses that County officials are considering opening a second morgue to accommodate the victims until their bodies can be processed.  One day during the past month, ten addicts died from what officials believe to be Fentanyl.

It seems that addicts are buying so-called heroin or other drugs that dealers lace with Fentanyl to increase drug sales.  And one of the problems, of course, is that addicts under-estimate their tolerance to drugs while hoping to get the maximum rush.

I recall when I was using over 30 years ago that when a lot of overdoses occurred everyone began seeking out the dealer because they wanted the strongest dope possible.  They didn't think an overdose would happen to them - or maybe they simply didn't care.

Since June of 2017, there were over 4000 opioid deaths in Arizona.  Check the following link to see the statistical breakdown.  https://www.azdhs.gov/prevention/womens-childrens-health/injury prevention/opioid-prevention/index.php.

Yet treatment in our State meets a lot of resistance from the public.  An example is that citizens want more stringent laws dealing with homes and facilities that offer services to addicts, a group that is protected by the Fair Housing Act, the Americans With Disabilities Act, and the Rehabilitation Act.  If the disability were from diabetes, cancer, heart disease or another ailment one would never hear a peep from the public. In fact, they likely would strongly support it.

But try to help an addict get clean and sober and there's an uproar in the community and legislative bodies.

As an addict and alcoholic who's been clean 29 years- and a treatment program operator - I know that the so-called "war on drugs" has failed miserably. Yet the go-to solution with most of the public is to look upon addicts and alcoholics as morally corrupt and to resist the efforts of those who try to help them.

Their best ideas include punishment and discrimination.  Put them in jail and get them out of our neighborhoods.  And how has that worked?

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Wanting to stay High

The mother of a young addict tells me that her son has had every opportunity get sober – but won't.

She has the resources to send him to a treatment program. He won't go. She's offered to rent him an apartment until he can find employment – but he won't look for a job. He just bums money from wherever he can, and lays up in a cheap motel. But his addiction is becoming so debilitating that he soon will be homeless because he can't even hustle up enough money to pay for his own motel.

She's tried everything in the world to get him on a recovery track, but addiction rules his life. Because she was using drugs when he was a child he uses that as a guilt card when he talks to her. And because she's overly sensitive she has a tough time putting her foot down. Even though she's in recovery and knows that she had to suffer enough pain before reaching the point where she got serious, she somehow has a difficult time applying the same principles to her son.

Because I know these people well I have some understanding of the dynamic between her child and her. I tell her she must be willing to let him go all the way to the bottom. Let him go to jail. Let him go to the streets. Let him suffer enough to figure out that his decision to continue using is going to keep him immersed in suffering. He'll begin to understand that his way isn't working.

I tell her that I never got into recovery until people stopped helping. When the person who loved me the most, my mother, told me she'd no longer help me I began to realize that I must be the problem. She wouldn't let me sleep on her couch. She wouldn't let me sleep in her garage. She wouldn't "loan" me money. Nor would any of my friends. I was without resources.  And ended up being homeless for a time.

But that was probably the best lesson of my life. I finally had to look at myself and say "You know, John, you may be the problem here." I began to realize that other people weren't the problem. Yeah, so I was raised in an abusive home as a child when I lived with my alcoholic father. While we had enough to eat, we were relatively poor as I was growing up.

All of the bad things that happened to us as we were growing up or going through relationships or jobs or life itself, may be true. And they may be bad, even horrible. But if that's what we use as an excuse to get high or drunk, then we're destined to never get well. All we're doing is perpetuating a bad situation. And eventually, those bad situations historically get worse, never better. If we live through our addictions, we may find ourselves in prison. Or on the streets. Maybe a mental hospital. Who knows? And the sad thing is that as we get older, we find that hardly anyone cares about us because we don't care enough about ourselves to accept help from others.

But there's a solution for all of us addicts. All we need to do is open up our minds and hearts – and reach out. Someone will help us get into recovery.

Click here to email John