Help Wanted

 Going into Circle K this morning a man approached me and asked me if I had a dollar for a cup of coffee.

I told him that I didn't have any change, but that when I came back out of the store I would give him a couple dollars. Which I did. And when I gave him the money I thought I would bring it to his attention that they had a sign inside the store that said "help wanted." Just in case he happened to be looking for employment.

Of course I know that what I told him was a fantasy. He wasn't looking for money. He was looking for exactly what he got: a handout which only took him a few moments to ask for.

Even though we're supposed to be in the worst of times during this pandemic, I still see signs in store windows placed there by business people who are looking for help.  Kind of like things were before the pandemic came raging through the country.

Of course I know that a lot of people are suffering economically, because they're not making the kind of money they used to earn before the economy went sideways. But still I see people who are are willing to work. And then I see bums like the guy who was standing outside Circle K who probably wouldn't work, no matter what kind of job he was offered.

I guess the point I'm making here is that we should always have gratitude for the opportunities that we do have – whether we take advantage of them or not.  Things could be worse.

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Luck?

I'm not necessarily a person who believes in being lucky or unlucky;  but sometimes strange things do happen.

For example, I made reservations to Maui a few days ago and a rainstorm flooded the island and cancelled the trip.

Later in the morning I went to the garage to go to the office and my garage door had quit working.  And I couldn't get my repairman out until the next day.  So my car is stuck in the garage,

Then later in the day my refrigerator stopped working.  I wouldn't be able to get a replacement til the next day.

I decided to work from my home office but the remote program that connects me quit working.

After those series of events I began to examine my conscience to see if I was deserving of some karmic payoff that had been piling up.

Or was it coincidence? Bad luck?  I don't know.  I do know that I didn't get drunk. Or high.

So something worked out right,

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Acceptance

The last few days I've noticed that the temperature is a little higher than normal.  Especially in the later part of the day.  Now I've never been one to pay much attention to the weather.  The only time I notice it at all is when it's consistently over 110 degrees.

But when it gets there I do what most of us desert people do:  I find some cool air and stay there til later in the day.  And fortunately I work in an office and am forced to spend most of my time there resolving minor isssues that come with running a recovery program.

But when the heat returned this time last year I think most of us were looking at it a different way.  At least some of us.  I think some of us thought that the heat would slow down - or maybe even kill - the pandemic.  

Of course I think that most of our thinking about the pandemic was wishful thinking.  And while I think that science has helped slow the spread, as far as any of us know it might have been the masks and distancing that has slowed things down.  Who knows for sure.

As for me, I think the biggest lesson I learned was to continue to accept the world as it is.  And I say that because right now there could be some new bug procreating is a distant land - maybe something even more terrifying than this current pandemic.

I learned a long time ago in the rooms of recovery that acceptance is the best antidote to most challenges and that's how I live life today.

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Birthday

Had he lived, my brother would have been celebrating his 79th birthday today.

Instead he passed away from the complications of alcoholism at Sunset Hospital in Las Vegas,  Nevada.

His death occurred a few months after he angrily stormed out of one of TLC's Las Vegas, facilities after telling the manager to "go fuck himself."  After he left TLC he went to work in the maintenance department at a casino near Stateline, Nevada until he went to the hospital.

While I'm not sure ;of the exact cause of his death I do believe it had to do with his lifestyle which for most of his life  was similar to mine:  alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes.  A body can only take so much before it breaks down.

Even though we had a poor relationship, when I heard he was passing I flew from Mesa to visit him one last time, even though he'd told one of my grandchildren that he didn't want to see me.  And he got his wish because he passed away before I was able to pay him a final visit.

Today, I wish we'd had a better relationship at the end but it just wasn't meant to be.  Alcohol ruins many relationships and ours was no exception.  Still I loved my brother and as children we were best of friends.  Only when substances intervened did things change - as it does so many relationships...

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Meditation

 Not infrequently a client will ask me to teach them how to meditate. And, depending on the time of day I'm certainly willing to spend 30 to 60 minutes with them showing the rudiments of the practice.

A number of years ago I became interested in learning how to meditate and went to class for two years to learn how to become a meditation instructor. I thought it would change my life a lot more than it did. Not that I didn't benefit from it. But somehow I thought that learning this exotic practice would help free me from something that I didn't know was there, some secret part of myself that I had never known before.

And I think a lot of clients have unrealistic expectations about what a meditation session will do for them. Because the reality is, there is no secret to meditation. There is no right way or wrong way to do meditation – there's just meditation. Once people learn that, it becomes an entirely different thing to set up on a cushion and spend time delving into your own mind. Because I'll tell you right here the secret: the secret is to observe what passes through your mind. You don't judge what passes through. You don't evaluate it. You don't look for solutions to your problems within it. You just observe it and let it pass it on its way. And as I mentioned in an earlier paragraph there is no right or wrong way to do meditation – there's just meditation. At times you will find yourself meditating and coming out of it with the most wonderful sensations in the world. And other times you'll  view your meditation journey as a waste of your time and effort. But in both of those occasions there was an element of expectation that let down.

The one thing I will say is that over a period of years I have become much calmer and more peaceful – over 25 years ago since I started the practice. If you are interested in learning about meditation you can  speak to me in my office. Or you can look around the city because there are several small temples and meditation rooms that are available to any of us at absolutely no cost.

Even though I say that you should have no expectations about what you're going to get out of it I do want to tell you that it is well worth it to spend your time with yourself for a few moments at least once a day.

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The beauty around us

Sometimes we don't appreciate the beauty around us. It came to me as I was riding in the back of a taxicab, having just returned from southern Mexico from a two-week vacation.

Many years ago when I came to Arizona the 202 freeway was just an idea gathering dust on somebody's drawing board. Probably some Senate Budget Committee was trying to figure out how to raise the money to construct such a grand project. And these days it is completed. A thing of beauty. Bordered by an artificial lake.

And as we were driving by in the taxicab I looked across the lake and for the first time fully appreciated all of the work and all of the projects that have been completed on the shoreline. And in a way I felt kind of stupid. Because, I had just come from a 2500 mile trip to the Pacific side of Mexico to spend a couple of weeks in a similar environment. Yet here, within 10 miles of my home was almost the same place. The shoreline of Tempe town Lake has very few spots anymore where skyscrapers can be placed or where condos can be built. Yet, a few years ago it was just a rocky shoreline, a man-made lake that would become a centerpiece of this part of Maricopa County and the.State.

So now many of you probably know where this blog is going. It all started last night when I woke up and for some reason had a vision of moving out of the house I lived in for 20 years and resettling myself on the banks of this nearby beautiful Lake that once got only a fraction of the attention it does today.

Will my fantasy take place? Who knows? I came here in 1982 to get sober and to rebuild my life. And guess what: all those dreams I had when I was on my way to this dry desert area have come true and then some.

Tomorrow is another day.

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Rewards of Recovery

Operating a treatment program can be one of the most frustrating thing a person can attempt to do. However, on the flipside it can be one of the most rewarding things a person can do. I know that this sounds kind of ambiguous, but on the other hand there's nothing like the feeling one gets when he client comes in, becomes sober,and startst helping other people become the same way.

There are special cases of addicts who come in and you wouldn't bet $0.50 on their staying sober for 10 minutes. They have bad attitudes, they might have just gotten released from prison. Their family might have deserted them and done so for all the good reasons that makes our family finally cut us loose. Yet the rewarding part comes later. And that usually happens when you see someone in public that you think you know. The person may be well dressed. They may be driving a new car. And then it finally comes to you: the person that you thought you recognize is the same person who came into your program a couple of years ago and seemed to be a hopeless case is now a successful citizen who is raising a family and children. And perhaps even owns his or her own business.

It is true that more than half of the people who come into our program only last about 30 days at the most. But I take no responsibility for addicts who don't make it 2 to 4 weeks. All it tells me is that the person was not sufficiently motivated or else had not had enough pain to want to change his or her life. Many of those who don't make it were raised in homes where they had a sense of entitlement. They were allowed to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. And everyone got to see the payoff. 

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