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Today, back to the world of responsibilities. Back to decisions. Of showing up at certain times.

Being in Mexico for the past two weeks has given us a chance to breathe, to reflect, to rest.

Our biggest decisions have been about where to eat. When to go to the gym or down to the pool. What time to get a massage. Important stuff.

Having no schedule is liberating. Go to bed when we're tired. Get up when we awake - or not get up. Read. Write.

Of course in our world of electronic connections we do the things that need our attention. But before the stress level gets too high, we can go to the patio and watch the sailboats drift by.

We're grateful for the the time away, for our trustworthy staff that keeps everything working.

This circle we have around us is another blessing of recovery.  Without their support we'd be unable to enjoy time away.

Click here to email John

Living in the Center

Like tightrope walkers some clients try to maintain the perfect chemical balance. They want to feel wonderful, to feel perfect at all times.

Maybe I need a Valium; that'll make things okay. Or Suboxin to stave off the urge to fix some heroin. I need to be up . No, maybe down. Something to make me sleep. Something to remove my anxiety. This hurts. That hurts.

But they never get there. Because once they get there it's not the right place. So let's try something else. But nothing works.

And that's the secret. Nothing works - except maybe temporarily. Sometimes life's just a bitch. And sometimes it's wonderful. There's pain. There's joy. We fail. We succeed. Life's a roller coaster of ups and down.

So what to do?

We stare life in the face. Embrace the things we don't like. Then the pain loses it's power, it withers because we're not giving it our focused attention.

Maybe then we can live in the center, neither up or down. But okay.  And living life on life's terms - not ours.

Click here to email John

Higher Power

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."  From the Third Step of the Big Book.

For those with anxiety about the idea of God this step can be challenging.

Yet the third tradition says the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. That's pretty simple. Black and white.

Right there we see that alcoholics can choose what they want to believe - or believe in nothing at all.

But an interesting thing I've noticed is that as they stick around they start seeing amazing changes in others.

They see miracles in the lives of fellow members. Families reunite. Work materializes. Health improves. Opportunities abound.

Then all of a sudden their lives seem to get better without much explanation. And that's when their perception of a Higher Power sometimes starts to shift.

Click here to email John

Uncommon Things

“The purpose of an organization is to enable common men to do uncommon things.” -Peter Drucker 1909-2005, Author and Business Consultant

When I read the above quote it reminds me of the common people – the addicts - who put together TLC. And how our organization has done uncommon things.

In over 23 years TLC has helped several hundred thousand addicts and alcoholics change their lives. And the uncommon aspect is that it’s all been done by other addicts and alcoholics - and without a penny of support from the government.

In fact, in the case of TLC , in 1997 the City of Mesa attempted legal action against us that would have hampered our ability to do business – or closed us down. However, after a five year legal battle we prevailed in court.

One of the keys to the success of TLC is that we’re about recovery principles, and not about personalities.

Top to bottom, our managers are in recovery and learn that their primary job is to serve other recovering addicts.  Big egos don’t last with us.

It’s been a formula for success that has endured challenges as serious as the 2008 economic downturn and as petty as verbal sniping from so-called competitors.

And we're on track to keep growing - and helping our fellow addicts have the same opportunities we've had.

Click here to email John

Are You an Enabling Parent?

"An enabler is a person who recognizes that a negative circumstance is occurring on a regular basis and yet continues to enable the person with the problem to persist with his detrimental behaviors. Simply, enabling creates an atmosphere in which our adult children can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior?"  Allison Botke - "Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children"

Because I regularly deal with enabling parents I thought some of you would find this author's information helpful. Here are a few questions from the author's book that might help you determine if you are an enabling parent.

1. Have you loaned him money repeatedly, seldom (if ever) being repaid?

2. Have you paid for education and/or job training in more than one field?

3. Have you finished a job or project that he failed to complete himself because it was easier than arguing with him?

4. Have you paid bills he was supposed to have paid himself?

5. Have you accepted part of the blame for his addictions or behavior?

6. Have you avoided talking about negative issues because you feared his response?

7. Have you bailed him out of jail or paid for his legal fees?

8. Have you given him "one more chance" and then another and another?

9. Have you ever returned home at lunchtime (or called) and found him still in bed sleeping?

10. Have you wondered how he gets money to buy cigarettes, video games, new clothes, and such but can't afford to pay his own bills?

11. Have you ever "called in sick" for your child, lying about his symptoms to his boss?

12. Have you threatened to throw him out and didn't?

13. Have you begun to feel that you've reached the end of your rope?

14. Have you begun to hate both your child and yourself for the state in which you live?

15. Have you begun to worry that the financial burden is more than you can bear?

16. Have you begun to feel that your marriage is in jeopardy because of this situation?

17. Have you noticed growing resentment in other family members regarding this issue?

18. Have you noticed that others are uncomfortable around you when this issue arises?

19. Have you noticed an increase in profanity, violence, and/or other unacceptable behavior?

20. Have you noticed that things are missing from your home, including money, valuables, and other personal property?

If you answered yes to several of these questions, chances are at some point in time you have enabled your adult child to avoid his own responsibilities—to escape the consequences of his actions. Rather than help your child grow into a productive and responsible adult, you have made it easier for him to get worse.

Click here to buy Allison Botke’s book.

Be the Instrument

Part of keeping emotional balance is to not take things personally. Whether the things are good - or bad.

When a therapist said that years ago -  my first time in treatment - I didn't understand.

But, now, after having thousands of addicts stream through my life over 23+ years - I know what he meant.

If I don't take things personally then I don't go through ups or downs when things don't go as I expect.

If a client relapses it’s not about me. Same as when one is successful. I don't take that personally either.

Our obligation in this business is to carry the message as best we can.

If we look upon ourselves as an instrument of change - not the cause of change - then we serve both the client and ourselves.

When a parent screams at me because her child relapsed I understand her pain. But I don't take it personal.

And when one praises us because her child has done well - I don't get puffed up about that either.

We are only tools.

Yes, we can be a little sad at failure. Or happy about success.

But if we remember we are only instruments of change then we stay in balance and avoid burnout.

Click here to email John

Gratitude Reflection

A tropical monsoon wakes me early in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, one of my favorite places.

A pleasant way to awaken. Because I've lived in Arizona for 30 years, this deluge is a treat. So I savor the downpour as I go through my morning meditation and yoga.

I easily drift to gratitude at times like this. Once more knowing I wouldn't have the blessed life I enjoy had God not broken up my love affair with heroin and alcohol.

I wouldn't have met or married my lovely and passionate wife.

I wouldn't be working with the challenging addicts God puts in my path.

Sometimes they're a frustrating group. Yet I'm grateful because they've taught me to be calm and patient.

Every once in a while one celebrates a recovery anniversary.

And at those times I thank God for allowing me to be part of the process.

Click here to email John