An "Accident?"

A man who's been in recovery for years has a problem with the "God" thing.

At meetings he says he's not sure what he believes. But he questions the idea of a Deity who manages the universe. And he voices it every so often.

But a while back he had an "accident" that might cause him to question his beliefs.

It happened while he was doing a chore around the house where he needed a ladder. And, because he's older, he normally doesn't climb. Sure enough, he ended up on the ground in some pain.

It turns out the fall didn't damage much more than his ego. But during medical exams they found a growth in his body. Further investigation showed he needed an operation.

And he’s now back in good health.

Since then I’ve heard him mention the "accident." And I got the sense that perhaps he's thinking a bit differently about the "God" thing.

Like maybe in the back of his mind he's wondering if Divine Intervention played a part in saving his health.

What do you think?

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This Moment

"The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased. It can only be accepted." Author unknown.

One of the most freeing things we can do is accept our past.

Most of our clients show up with a narrative about what happened. Or who they used to be. Or the injustices done to them. Some spend a lot of time reviewing old memories, revisiting their suffering.

A most important passage in the 12-step literature is about acceptance. It's wisdom for the ages.

Once we accept what's happened, our burden lightens. We become freer.

Does that mean the bad that happened to us is okay? Of course not. Some of the trauma our clients have been through is difficult to hear about. It would traumatize anyone.

But an actualized person lives in this moment, dealing with the present.

Take inventory of your present moment. Do you have what you need right now? Food? Shelter? Friends? Job? Health? My experience is that everything's pretty much okay in this moment. We have what we need. And if we don't, we can figure our how to get it.

Or are you having difficulty staying with me in the moment? Did you scurry back into your warehouse of memories? Back to some familiar pain or misery?

If you want to be free join those of us who live in the sunlight of the moment. That's where our power lies.

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Wasting Time

I often get reminders of how drugs can devastate lives. And another one came this week.

When I returned from vacation I had messages waiting. And one was from an addict I met when I first entered a Mesa halfway house in 1991.

The message said that he was out of prison and wanted to hear from me. I called and left a message. I haven't heard back.

His story reminds me of how we can burn through the years if we don't get into recovery.

Since I met him in 1991 he's mostly been in prison. He'll be out for a few months, then pick up a new drug or theft charge. The judge sends him back for a few years. Then it happens again. I don't think he's been out for two years of the past 24. Almost half his life locked up.

And the sad thing is that he knows as much about recovery as anyone. He's attended meetings over the years. He's bright and personable. Speaks well, makes friends easily.

Everything he presents to the world says this is a successful person. Yet, that all goes away when he picks up drugs or alcohol.

If he calls back I'll encourage him to work a program and hopefully avoid another trip to prison.

We'll see.

Click here to email John

There's Hope

A woman writes about her grown son who's in jail facing drug counts.

He was once law-abiding. Then an accident hooked him on pain medications. From there he morphed into street drugs and a life of crime to support his habit.

After visiting our website she has hopes for his future.

And when I wrote her back I assured her that there’s hope. Because once we have enough pain we try to move away from it. Often when that happens we might find our way to recovery.

In her son's case, the trauma of being in jail and facing legal action could be the catalyst for change.

We have many clients at TLC who have survived situations like her son's. They've spent time locked up. Or they've lost their jobs, their homes, or their health. A variety of bad stuff happened.

But once they got serious about change and walked into the light, things started happening. The family's talking to them again. They find a job. They put on weight; get a glow on their face. They make new friends in recovery.

And their mothers can stop living in fear.

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Today's Important

"What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it." Unknown

In my addiction I spent years drifting. I was a predator. And my goal was to find money for my next drink or bag of dope. I exchanged many days finding chemical gratification.

Today I choose to fill my days with positives - things to enhance my life. Work. Recovery. Daily exercise. Meditation. Reading. Writing. Eating well. Helping others. Being a contributor.

If we start our day with the idea that our time is important that changes what we do.

If we have the idea that God is at the other end of a time machine loading us up with days and minutes, we're wrong. The clock started ticking when we sucked in our first breath. In other words, we're pre-programmed to be here a certain time.

We have the option of pissing off those minutes doing all kinds of useless crap. Getting drunk. Doing dope. Loafing. Being a bum.

Or we can use them to make ourselves and the world a better place.

For me the last option is the most rewarding.

Click here to email John

We can Help

Before writing this last night I checked my email.

Several requests for help had come in from the TLC website. I forward them to our intake desk.

One touched my heart because the writer sounded desperate. It was from a veteran in another state. He was afraid because he was about to be homeless. He wrote that he'd lost "everything"

He'd battled the demons of depression and alcoholism for years. He didn't know where to turn.

I could relate to what he said. Because that's how I - and many of our clients - got to the doors of recovery.

We had no where to go. Depression and anxiety were our only friends. Lousy ones at that.

So when I read this man's words I said "yes!" Because when we're at that state we'll do anything to stop the pain. We'll hit our knees and pray to God. We might look for a detox. Anything to get out of the mess we're in. Even if it means going to a strange state, as I did when I came to Arizona from California in 1982.

If this man travels the 1500 or so miles it'll take to get here he'll find others just like him. And he'll find courage in the idea that they once lived as he was when he asked us for help.

We'll see if he makes it here so we can help him.

Click here to email John

Being Mindful

If I'm mindful throughout my day life goes smooth.

But what does mindful mean?

The best definition I've been able to find is "fully aware of present experience, with acceptance."

In other words I stay in the moment.

I'm not depressed because I'm not thinking about the past. I'm not excavating through the garbage heap of history that I've accumulated over the past 75 years.

Nor am I taking perilous ventures into that space off in the future where we're always wondering what's going to happen to us.  So no anxiety.

Instead, I’m firmly grounded in the moment - loving life just as it is.

But what about these random thoughts that keep popping into my mind? Every time that happens they take me out of the moment.

I simply acknowledge them without judgment. Then let them pass by like bubbles drifting on a stream.

But what if they come back again? Same thing. I acknowledge them and let them go, without resistance or judging them.  They're just thoughts and once in a while they pop up.

And they might keep coming back because that's what they do. But we let them go and stay focused in the moment.

And what's so great about the moment? Well, the moment is great because that's where we live our lives. It's the slice of time where we might have some control over our existence.

Too many of us, far too often, spend our time reminiscing on war stories – mulling over the "good old days." Or else we're off in the future thinking about a better place we'd like to be– a fantasy land that doesn't exist.

I practice living in the moment. And I’m learning that it's a great place.

Click here to email John