I get a Google alert yesterday that someone left a comment about our Roosevelt property.
Curious, I go to the web page and read it, even though I had a good idea what it said. And, as I anticipated, it was a negative remark about the program.
And while I was there I read through five or six others left over the past few years - most of them negative.
Fifteen years ago these comments might have irritated me. I'd lay awake at night fretting about how ungrateful addicts are. Don't they know how hard we work to provide the services we offer. Blah, blah, blah.
Today I understand the addict's dilemma. In early recovery they think they're the center of the universe. Most come to us after mommy evicted them from her sofa . They've been mooching from her until she can no longer stand it.
When they get to us they expect to hang out and do what they want. Kind of like they were doing at home. They're shocked when they're awakened at 4:00 am to go to work. They're angry that they have to clean their room. And make their bed. Take a shower and wash their clothes.
And at this point many will leave.. And of course they'll also owe us money for the time they freeloaded off of us.
The interesting thing is that we addicts have learned to forgive. We realize that some of us have to go out and suffer for a while before reality sets in.
And when addicts suffer enough they start realizing that TLC isn't so bad after all. Especially when they're hungry, strung out, and homeless.
And, we generally welcome them back. Sometimes more than once.
Click here to email John
Monday, August 31, 2015
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Being Patient
While doing my job a few days ago I get an email from an angry grandmother who wanted me to call right away. Which I did.
It seems she's upset because she drove 40 miles to visit her grandson at one of our halfway houses. But she didn't get to see him.
She wanted to talk to me because she said the manager on duty was rude. She knew her grandson was asleep in his room but that no one would go get him.
Of course the manager has his own version. He said the client had signed out and was off the property. Plus he was busy dealing with our other clients at the same time.
In any event, I listened to this nice grandmother as she told me the story more than one time. In fact, she told me what happened probably four times. And maybe a few more on top of that.
Then the day after that we communicated for maybe another half hour about the same issue. And I listened patiently as she told me the same thing again..
And I'm patient because I know the family is already suffering because of the addict in their family. They have all the hope in the world that their loved one will succeed. Yet they're still dealing with one thing after another. And what they don't need is further aggravation from us.
The frustration of being powerless to help someone we love can sometimes be overwhelming.
And that's why I listen to family members without a lot of regard as to who's right or wrong.
Click here to email John
It seems she's upset because she drove 40 miles to visit her grandson at one of our halfway houses. But she didn't get to see him.
She wanted to talk to me because she said the manager on duty was rude. She knew her grandson was asleep in his room but that no one would go get him.
Of course the manager has his own version. He said the client had signed out and was off the property. Plus he was busy dealing with our other clients at the same time.
In any event, I listened to this nice grandmother as she told me the story more than one time. In fact, she told me what happened probably four times. And maybe a few more on top of that.
Then the day after that we communicated for maybe another half hour about the same issue. And I listened patiently as she told me the same thing again..
And I'm patient because I know the family is already suffering because of the addict in their family. They have all the hope in the world that their loved one will succeed. Yet they're still dealing with one thing after another. And what they don't need is further aggravation from us.
The frustration of being powerless to help someone we love can sometimes be overwhelming.
And that's why I listen to family members without a lot of regard as to who's right or wrong.
Click here to email John
Saturday, August 29, 2015
How it Works
Every so often someone gives me credit for what we do for addicts
at TLC. It's usually a business person or a resident's family
member.
It'll be something like how wonderful I am because
I help others change their lives. Or how smart I am for putting this
project together. The compliments take various forms.
And my addict ego wants to soak it all
up. Instead, this is when I have
a chance to tell them how TLC really works.
It's true that I came up with the idea for TLC
in 1991. But the people who make TLC function today are the 100 plus
addicts who allow the program to operate as smoothly as it does.
We have district managers. House managers.
Assistant Managers. Drivers. Night security. Cooks. Mechanics.
Maintenance people. Construction crews. Phone solicitors.
Intake and filing clerks. Office managers. A hotel manager.
Store clerks and managers. Accountants. A donation solicitor.
Labor company staff. Corporate staff. The list
goes on, but this gives an idea of the team it takes to run TLC.
Some of those above have been with us for between ten and
20 years. They've dedicated their lives to this project and have helped
thousands in the process.
And if you ask them what they get in return for their
hard work they'll say that the main thing they have to show for it is
their recovery. And that’s something
they never had before.
Friday, August 28, 2015
Being Grateful
Although yesterday wore on me because it overflowed with addict drama, it ended on a good note.
Because at the last minute I had a reminder of how life could have been had I not found recovery.
It happened as I was leaving my office to go home. A face from the past appeared in the doorway - a man who'd spent most of the past 24 years in prison for drug offenses.
And I'd like to say we had a constructive conversation. But it wasn't like that. Oh, there was a conversation. But mostly the conversation was a stream of consciousness with him talking to himself.
Once in a while I might wedge in a word. And that would send him off on a new tangent about something 15 years ago that he found very interesting. Or a fantasy about what he might do tomorrow.
And though I'm patient, I finally told him that talking to him was frustrating me.
And to my surprise he agreed. Others told him the same thing. Then I suggested that life might be better if he found a medication to slow down his racing thoughts. He said he was trying to see a doctor.
As I drove home I was grateful to God for my life of recovery. A life that my visitor has never been able to grasp.
Click here to email John
Because at the last minute I had a reminder of how life could have been had I not found recovery.
It happened as I was leaving my office to go home. A face from the past appeared in the doorway - a man who'd spent most of the past 24 years in prison for drug offenses.
And I'd like to say we had a constructive conversation. But it wasn't like that. Oh, there was a conversation. But mostly the conversation was a stream of consciousness with him talking to himself.
Once in a while I might wedge in a word. And that would send him off on a new tangent about something 15 years ago that he found very interesting. Or a fantasy about what he might do tomorrow.
And though I'm patient, I finally told him that talking to him was frustrating me.
And to my surprise he agreed. Others told him the same thing. Then I suggested that life might be better if he found a medication to slow down his racing thoughts. He said he was trying to see a doctor.
As I drove home I was grateful to God for my life of recovery. A life that my visitor has never been able to grasp.
Click here to email John
Thursday, August 27, 2015
He did the Work
Today a man stopped by the office and thanked me for saving his life.
He was a physical and emotional wreck when he came to us around 15 years ago. No job. No money or insurance. Not even a change of clothes. But he stuck around for several years, doing whatever we asked.
He worked night security. He drove. He cooked and cleaned. Eventually he managed one of our houses, a job he held for a couple of years.
He finally left when he became old enough to draw social security. On the side he worked a few odd jobs to supplement his income.
Because he lives close by he stops once in a while to let us know that he's still sober and doing well. And when he does he always says he's grateful to us for saving his life.
But I point out to him that he's the one who did the work. He did what we asked of him. He went to meetings. He helped others. And the main thing he did was stay sober.
We provide guidelines where anyone can stay clean and sober. Like this man, all they have to do is follow directions.
Click here to email John
He was a physical and emotional wreck when he came to us around 15 years ago. No job. No money or insurance. Not even a change of clothes. But he stuck around for several years, doing whatever we asked.
He worked night security. He drove. He cooked and cleaned. Eventually he managed one of our houses, a job he held for a couple of years.
He finally left when he became old enough to draw social security. On the side he worked a few odd jobs to supplement his income.
Because he lives close by he stops once in a while to let us know that he's still sober and doing well. And when he does he always says he's grateful to us for saving his life.
But I point out to him that he's the one who did the work. He did what we asked of him. He went to meetings. He helped others. And the main thing he did was stay sober.
We provide guidelines where anyone can stay clean and sober. Like this man, all they have to do is follow directions.
Click here to email John
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Love is Action
I get a lot of correspondence from parents of grown children.
And woven throughout these messages is how much they love their addict children. They do everything they can to help them.
They'll give them money for food. They might pay off tickets so they don't go to jail. They might buy clothing and gifts for the kids on holidays because dad shot up all the money. They may even pay for more than one stay in a treatment program.
And these things show that they care. It's really love in action.
Once in a while, though, they'll mention how much their addict loves his children and family. How much he cares. And this is where I take exception.
Because love is action. Love is not a drug or alcohol induced daydream about how we think we care for our loved ones.
When we love our children we don't mouth empty words. We get off our ass and work to make their lives better. We sacrifice our own self-centered pleasure so they don't go without.
In my addiction I was one of those parents. Heroin came first. Alcohol came first. Because of my using I was always off in jail. Though I said I loved my children and family my actions didn't show it.
A true addict has one love: his or her drug of choice. And until they find recovery everything and everyone else comes second.
Click here to email John
And woven throughout these messages is how much they love their addict children. They do everything they can to help them.
They'll give them money for food. They might pay off tickets so they don't go to jail. They might buy clothing and gifts for the kids on holidays because dad shot up all the money. They may even pay for more than one stay in a treatment program.
And these things show that they care. It's really love in action.
Once in a while, though, they'll mention how much their addict loves his children and family. How much he cares. And this is where I take exception.
Because love is action. Love is not a drug or alcohol induced daydream about how we think we care for our loved ones.
When we love our children we don't mouth empty words. We get off our ass and work to make their lives better. We sacrifice our own self-centered pleasure so they don't go without.
In my addiction I was one of those parents. Heroin came first. Alcohol came first. Because of my using I was always off in jail. Though I said I loved my children and family my actions didn't show it.
A true addict has one love: his or her drug of choice. And until they find recovery everything and everyone else comes second.
Click here to email John
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Relapsing
A heroin addict manager who's been with us for a short while has been acting strange.
So - as is normal in these situations - his supervisor asks for a piss test. But by the time someone locates a cup the man has disappeared.
A search of his room finds drug paraphernalia and other evidence of his using.
But within hours a new manager, another addict, is doing his job and business moves on as usual.
In the early days when a manager stole from us and relapsed it affected me more.
"How could he do this after we trusted him with our money?"
"How could someone be so ungrateful?"
"We should have noticed sooner."
The internal chatter and resentment went on and on.
But years ago I put this into perspective. After all, large corporations lose more to theft that we do. I heard recently that Walmart loses more to employee theft than to customer theft. And that Safeway loses something like 3% to theft.
The other thing is that when we're helping troubled people we're never surprised when they revert to old behavior.
That just comes with the territory.
So - as is normal in these situations - his supervisor asks for a piss test. But by the time someone locates a cup the man has disappeared.
A search of his room finds drug paraphernalia and other evidence of his using.
But within hours a new manager, another addict, is doing his job and business moves on as usual.
In the early days when a manager stole from us and relapsed it affected me more.
"How could he do this after we trusted him with our money?"
"How could someone be so ungrateful?"
"We should have noticed sooner."
The internal chatter and resentment went on and on.
But years ago I put this into perspective. After all, large corporations lose more to theft that we do. I heard recently that Walmart loses more to employee theft than to customer theft. And that Safeway loses something like 3% to theft.
The other thing is that when we're helping troubled people we're never surprised when they revert to old behavior.
That just comes with the territory.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)