I get a lot of correspondence from parents of grown children.
And woven throughout these messages is how much they love their addict children. They do everything they can to help them.
They'll give them money for food. They might pay off tickets so they don't go to jail. They might buy clothing and gifts for the kids on holidays because dad shot up all the money. They may even pay for more than one stay in a treatment program.
And these things show that they care. It's really love in action.
Once in a while, though, they'll mention how much their addict loves his children and family. How much he cares. And this is where I take exception.
Because love is action. Love is not a drug or alcohol induced daydream about how we think we care for our loved ones.
When we love our children we don't mouth empty words. We get off our ass and work to make their lives better. We sacrifice our own self-centered pleasure so they don't go without.
In my addiction I was one of those parents. Heroin came first. Alcohol came first. Because of my using I was always off in jail. Though I said I loved my children and family my actions didn't show it.
A true addict has one love: his or her drug of choice. And until they find recovery everything and everyone else comes second.
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