As founder and CEO of Transitional Living Communities, one of my biggest jobs has always been to help staff members to communicate more effectively. Not only with each other. But also with the clients.
Now one would think that staff members, even the highly trained professionals that operate our treatment program, would be the most effective communicators. But even they get into spats with one another and I have to step in and mediate.
I recall one time sitting in an office with two women therapists, with seven advanced degrees between them, who were screaming about how much they hated each other. There was even a bit of profanity involved.
Finally, I intervened.
"You know," I told them, "there's something really wrong with this picture."
Then I went on to explain to that it was really bizarre that I, with only a high school degree, had to have a discussion with two therapists with advanced degrees about how to communicate effectively. That shocked them into reality and they eventually reached an accommodation and were able to work together much more effectively from then on.
In most all of these cases of ineffective communication, the solution can be found in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's summed up in the phrase, "principles before personalities."
For I have found that any time there's a communication breakdown it generally involves personality differences, specifically ego clashes. It's very rarely the facts of the situation that causes a communication breakdown. Because in a discussion about facts, things are pretty straightforward and clear.
We eventually get over these things by someone pointing out that none of these differences are really big deals and that there'll always be something else to disagree about tomorrow. The real thing is we have to get ourselves out of the way and join together in working toward a solution.
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