Even though I was a disappointment to her because of my drug and alcohol use and the time I spent locked up, she never gave up. She would encourage me to do better. But my addictions had such a strong hold that I wasn't able to get sober until three years before her death. I was pleased that I was able to make amends to her. And to repay the money she had loaned me during the last years of my addiction. I was also able to help her move from California to Arizona and spent quite a bit of time with her during her last few years.
Like many mothers today, she somehow felt guilty because I turned out to be an addict and an alcoholic like my father. Like many mothers we deal with in our treatment program, I think she blamed my alcoholism and addictive behavior on my father, who died of alcoholism when he was 60 years old.
His answer to his problems was to get drunk and stay that way. And while he was a negative influence on me, I think I was able to convince her that we are all ultimately responsible for our own addictions, regardless of how our parents behaved.
I credit my mother with giving me many of the good habits that I developed. She taught me to have a good work ethic and encouraged me to work, even as a teenager. I always worked during the summer and after school. I either delivered newspapers or did yard work for the neighbors. She encouraged me to save money, including for my first car, a 1947 Ford which cost me $350. While it doesn't seem like much money today, back in the 50s that was quite a few hours of work.
I bring these things up because I think it's important for us to treat our mothers well and to cherish their memories. After all, they gave us birth and spent many hours helping us survive until we could take care of ourselves.
Of course, many of our clients report that their mothers were also addicts and alcoholics. And while that may be true, I'm pretty sure that wasn't their first choice for their lives or the lives of their children.
