At 4 o'clock this afternoon I attended a viewing of my grandson's body at a crematorium in East Mesa. It was a four-hour event, the first two hours being reserved for family.
He looked peaceful, his hands across his chest with his fingers intertwined, and dressed in a Dallas Cowboy's T-shirt. Of course, his eyes were closed, but he had a hint of a smile that was a part of his natural features. If it weren't for the slight pallor of his skin he almost appeared to be peacefully sleeping. Several letters and photos had been placed in the coffin by friends and family members.
His father spoke to the gathering about how it was "the worst thing that had happened to him in his life." We could all see the pain on his face and realized that he would grieve for some time over the loss of his only son. I also spoke about some of my experiences with my grandson and of my conversations with him about his drug use. It is difficult for anyone to put into words the pain of losing a loved one for any reason, especially one who dies of an accidental overdose of a seductive substance.
Because I work in the recovery field and have for 29 years, burying addicts who overdose is not uncommon for me. But somehow, when it's a blood relative it takes on a different dimension and meaning and has an even deeper impact. One reason it has such an impact is that for years we'd tried to convince him to get into treatment. To do something different with his life. To come into our program, which he could have done by simply picking up the phone and calling me. When I walked out of the crematorium I felt once again the deadly impact that drugs have upon families and friends.
All those who attended will carry his loss with them during a period of grieving. And when the grieving process is over they will still have the memory of losing a loved one. This time next year they will still remember the brightness that he brought into their lives, a brightness that will only live on in their memories.
By the time I post this blog, all that will be left of him besides these memories will be his ashes – which will be placed in two urns - one to be given to his mother, the other to his father.
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