We learn in the 12-Step programs that once we're an addict we're always an addict. Does that mean we're always relapsing or drinking and drugging? Of course not.
But to me it means that deep down I still sometimes have that anger, anxiety, insecurity and othet personality defects that made me want to use in the first place. Only by living by the guidelines of the 12-step programs do I recognize when I'm about to go off track. We just think different.
I started thinking about how different we alcoholics are last night while at a Japanese restaurant. The guests at the next table had paid their bill and left. But I noticed that they had left behind some half full glasses of wine, along the bottle they were poured from - also half full.
As the busboy cleared the table I thought "what a waste of good booze." That's something that I would never have done, left behind good alcohol. And the reality is that I've been sober over 30 years.
Yet even with 30 years sober I still notice things like. Things that normal people never pay attention to. I also know that if I follow the precepts of the 12 step programs I know I'll never relapse and return to the hell I once lived in.
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