When I first came into recovery I really questioned the idea that I'd need something called a "sponsor." Yet every 12-step meeting I went to, people at the meeting would refer this person in their lives who gave them advice on how to stay sober and deal with life's issues.
But for some reason, probably my ego, I didn't see the purpose of having someone tell me how to live my life just because I had gotten sober. After all, I've read much of my life, having had plenty of time to do so while locked up for 15 years on the installment plan. I also had been employed by a nationwide newspaper chain and worked as a staff writer for quite a while. So I knew how to read and understand the literature that was presented to me in Alcoholics Anonymous and the other 12 step programs.
It was only later, that I realized I was kidding myself. And that epiphany came to me when I heard someone at a meeting say that, "if you don't have a sponsor it's like you're trying to fix something that's broken, with something that's broken." And of course the thing that was broken was my brain. If I was trying to fix my broken brain with my broken thinking I wasn't going to get too far.
So after I heard that, I decided to consider the idea of finding someone to help me understand what the Big Book was all about. And it wasn't easy to find a sponsor with whom I was compatible. I went through probably three of them before I found the one that I've had for the last 25 years.
You see, the thing about a sponsor is that if you get the right one, he or she will have encountered the same problems you have. And they've been able to deal with them and stay sober while doing so. It's sort of like someone who goes to medical school. Before they're allowed to practice they have to do what is called an internship, which teaches them how to deal with real life medical issues that occur. All the books they've read have just given them a foundation; they have to learn how to put the knowledge into practice. This analogy is kind of what happens when we get sober: we have to learn how to put what we read in the book into practice in real life.
So about 25 years ago I was able to find a sponsor I could get along with. Next year he'll have 50 years sober, while I'll have 33. I don't call him much anymore because he usually tells me that I know the answers to my own problems. But we periodically still enjoy lunch together – and a meeting – just because we have become good friends.
And these kinds of friends help save your life.
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