The road to recovery often has many obstacles and can be very bumpy. This was demonstrated again recently when we had to discharge several people from the program. One of those discharged was a man who has spent a total of four years with us during three stays.

He was discharged after his supervisor found an empty bottle of painkillers beneath the seat of his vehicle. Our rule is that medications are turned into the office, where they are made available by staff members at the prescribed schedule. For some reason this man, who was one time a manager, had neglected to turn this bottle in with the rest of his medications - which were prescribed at the same time. When he was drug tested he came up clean. However, he couldn't explain what happened to the rest of the pills and the assumption was that he had used them.

No, we're not doctors and don't decide who needs pain medication. Pain medication serves a purpose. However, our experience has been that when people are using pain medication in our program it interferes with their recovery.

Therefore, we allow clients to use pain medication only on a short-term basis. If they need to use painkillers for chronic medical issues we usually ask them to obtain non-narcotic painkillers from their doctor. Or else, we refer them to another program.

The purpose is to keep the rest of the clients from being tempted to ask the man for drugs, or think it's all right for them to use drugs. It's a difficult situation. On one hand we don't want to be insensitive to those in pain. But on the other hand we don't want our program to become contaminated by drug use. Our experience has been that sometimes even the managers who are supposed to make sure the drugs are dispensed properly succumb to temptation and use the drugs themselves.

It's not an easy issue to deal with.

Yesterday I was shown another example of how alcoholism doesn't just affect those around us today, but how it affects succeeding generations. This came up when I received news of a relative who's ill from cancer. Because this young man's father was a practicing alcoholic who was angry with me until the moment of his death, I never had a relationship with his son.

This relative is angry at me for reasons I don't totally understand. However, I know the father poisoned him against me many years ago. He kept drilling into this young man's head the idea that I was a bad person. The father was angry at me, not for anything overt I did to him. He was angry because I wouldn't support him during his addictions. I believe when a person is drinking and drugging we must leave them to their own devices. The more we do to sustain their drinking and drugging the longer it takes them to get into recovery. He wanted me to give him a job and pay his rent, but overlook his drinking and drugging. Because I've been living sober for so many years it wasn't something I was willing to do unless he was simultaneously trying to get into recovery. I apply the same principles to my own family that I do to clients of TLC.

This may sound cruel. But at TLC we've dealt with many parents who believed all their children needed was more love, more money, or more support. In order for the parents to expiate their guilt about how their children turned out they tried to do everything for them – including support them in their addictions. And as a result, some ended up burying the child. I often ask parents - when they ask me how much help they should give their children: "do you want to love your child to death?" Again, this is blunt. But often it's the only way I can get a parent's attention.

As to my young relative, I have no idea of what to do. While I have ways of getting in touch with him I don't believe I have the right to do that. The last time I saw him – at his father’s funeral - he was very withdrawn and angry at me. While the compassionate part of me wants to reach out and offer solace, I'm not sure I can do that without angering him further.

Maybe I should pray about it.

Today, the subject of my morning meditation was gratitude. After reading, I reflected that before I got sober gratitude was a word I could say while also throwing up. Because my life was such a mess I didn't feel I had anything to be grateful about. I was angry at the world. I was angry because I was born. I was angry at the authorities. I was angry at everything. For some reason, I couldn’t connect the mess of my life with my own behavior.

Everything was about everybody else. I was whiny, self pitying, and had no idea why I wallowed in the maelstrom of negative emotion that enveloped my life. Only when I got sober, did I get a clue about what was wrong with me. And what was wrong with me – was me. Once that revelation descended upon me, then life changed.

Today, before writing this, I walked on the sand in front of the hotel where I'm staying while on vacation in Mexico. Of course, it's easy to be grateful when one is on vacation in paradise. I enjoyed the breakers crashing on the beach and was suffused with the joy of my existence.

However, today I also have gratitude because I’m paid to work with alcoholics and addicts – a job I once did for nothing.

Whatever I’m doing, If I live in the moment I’ll appreciate what we have. Gratitude stems from that.

At a recent meeting I saw the beauty of the 12-step program at work. This happened when a newcomer, whose turn it was to share, rambled on for five minutes without alluding to the topic – which was “what God is doing in my life today.”

The fellow, who obviously had emotional issues beyond substance abuse, quoted articles he’d read during his daily meditation, interspersed with random observations about his thoughts and feelings. But nothing that came from his mouth related to the topic selected by the speaker.

Finally the chair person intervened and asked the man to pass to someone else, which he did. His last face-saving comment was “I was just planning on wrapping it up anyway.”

The sixty some participants at the meeting didn’t say a thing. One of the wonderful things about 12-step meetings is participants are mostly forgiving when it comes to the behavior of newcomers. It’s normal for newcomers to say dumb things at their early meetings. And no one is surprised when they do so.

After the meeting I heard someone tell the man as he passed through the front door to “keep coming back.”

I heard last night about a long-time business acquaintance who was arrested for fraud. I wasn’t surprised when I heard of his arrest. He has a long history of addiction and has been charged several times for various crimes – none of which resulted in serious time or a prison term. He did receive probation for drug offenses and other criminal activities. But to my knowledge none of his escapades landed him in prison.

However I knew it was only a matter of time before the life finally caught up with him. For me, his arrest was a reaffirmation of something I already knew: if we're really addicts our disease will eventually take control.

And it was only when traumatic things happened to me: arrests, loss of jobs, and broken relationships that life began to change. I don't believe those of us who are serious addicts get over addictions without some life-changing event intervening for us. While at the time they may be painful, they are often a necessary part of getting sober and clean. And that's what has happened for this man. Assuming he doesn't beat this rap - as he has many others - he may eventually grasp the idea that his addiction is the root of all of his problems.

There's nothing obstructing this man from being successful except his addictions. He’s managed to accumulate property in the city in which he lives. For over 15 years he had a successful business that earned him a good living. But his addictions eventually won him the divorce, arrests, and other setbacks that probably led him into his present legal maelstrom.

All of us who know him wish him well. Hopefully, one of these days we'll welcome him into the rooms of recovery.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my best friend’s sobriety birthday – his 19th year of living the blessings of recovery. And, while he’ll remain anonymous here -those who know me know who I’m talking about.

This man is a great example of the power of the 12-step programs and their effect upon those who apply the principles in their lives.

When I met him in April of 1992 he was at the end of a 27 year run of drinking and shooting speed. He had a long criminal history. He’d been to prison more than once, for serious crimes associated with the drug underworld.

In many ways, my friend was like any other addict who first shows up at the doors of TLC. He had no resources and not much to look forward to except maybe more crime, prison, and the hopeless downward spiral of drug use.

However, he had a burning intensity about him that many of us don’t have when we first show up. He was looking for answers, for ways to stop the pain and hopelessness that was his life. Somehow, through the haze of withdrawal, he began grabbing on to the offerings of the 12-step programs and the basic guidance we offer at TLC.

Eventually, he became one of the leaders of TLC, a man who developed the Hard Six program and many of the policies and procedures that help clients stay sober today. He’s enjoying the fruits of sobriety and lives in a world that many seek but are unable to find.

He’s blessed to work in a field where he’s able to help others change their lives – and stay sober in the process.

Happy 19, my friend. ..

Being a typical alcoholic and addict I still live life based on a lot of self will. Many times I want to base decisions on my first reaction, rather than trusting God and his universe to provide solutions for me. I sometimes believe I have the answers - and the answers come from within.

I do this in spite of the evidence I’ve had over the past 20 years that if I accept that life is exactly the way it’s supposed to be everything will work out – no matter what the situation.

While this might seem the esoteric ramblings of a recovering addict I’ve been able to do what I do today because I’ve finally surrendered to the idea that powers greater than us guide our existence. Today the problem for me is not that I have trouble believing this – it’s recognizing the answer when it’s before me.

I don’t care whether the question is personal or if it involves our business, if I try to listen and look for answers they seem to show up right when I need them.

A good example happened recently when I was trying to over-analyze the potential for a new business operation. I was trying to step out of my normal routine of just trying something, anything, to see what will work. In this case I was trying to become technical and over-analytical, which is not how success has come to me in the past. Finally, in the face of my frustration I decided to make a commitment. This week, we’ll have a new on-line store for TLC.

And if it doesn’t work the only loss will be a shredded ego.