Yesterday I was shown another example of how alcoholism doesn't just affect those around us today, but how it affects succeeding generations. This came up when I received news of a relative who's ill from cancer. Because this young man's father was a practicing alcoholic who was angry with me until the moment of his death, I never had a relationship with his son.

This relative is angry at me for reasons I don't totally understand. However, I know the father poisoned him against me many years ago. He kept drilling into this young man's head the idea that I was a bad person. The father was angry at me, not for anything overt I did to him. He was angry because I wouldn't support him during his addictions. I believe when a person is drinking and drugging we must leave them to their own devices. The more we do to sustain their drinking and drugging the longer it takes them to get into recovery. He wanted me to give him a job and pay his rent, but overlook his drinking and drugging. Because I've been living sober for so many years it wasn't something I was willing to do unless he was simultaneously trying to get into recovery. I apply the same principles to my own family that I do to clients of TLC.

This may sound cruel. But at TLC we've dealt with many parents who believed all their children needed was more love, more money, or more support. In order for the parents to expiate their guilt about how their children turned out they tried to do everything for them – including support them in their addictions. And as a result, some ended up burying the child. I often ask parents - when they ask me how much help they should give their children: "do you want to love your child to death?" Again, this is blunt. But often it's the only way I can get a parent's attention.

As to my young relative, I have no idea of what to do. While I have ways of getting in touch with him I don't believe I have the right to do that. The last time I saw him – at his father’s funeral - he was very withdrawn and angry at me. While the compassionate part of me wants to reach out and offer solace, I'm not sure I can do that without angering him further.

Maybe I should pray about it.