The Power of our Addiction

The death of superstar Whitney Houston again illustrates the destructive power of our disease.

While at this writing there are no autopsy reports most of us link her untimely death at 48 to her highly publicized addictions.

The real lesson is that our disease has no respect for power, fame, wealth, or talent. It’s an equal opportunity killer of the mighty - as well as the humble.

While at one time I thought I was unique and that the rules didn’t apply to me, pain eventually taught me that I’m just another addict who will have no kind of life until I can walk in sobriety.

Even though I live each day practicing 12-step principles, the death of a prominent person reminds me of the danger we face.

Today I thank God that I didn’t have unlimited resources to pursue my addictions; I wouldn’t have been here to write these words today.

Give me the Courage

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage  to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me." Author unknown.
 

I once knew a blended family that spent several hours in counseling.  But they made no progress because one of the parents wanted the therapist to teach the rest of the family how to get along with her. She wasn’t the problem – it was everyone else.
 
Changing others and teaching them how to get along with us is difficult
 
But the one person I can change - if I’m lucky and work hard - is me. And I can do this by looking at myself - not others.

Once, when I was having a hard time forgiving someone for a perceived wrong, my sponsor told me to look at my role in the situation. I started to tell him about the wrong the other person had done, but I didn’t. Instead, I reflected on his advice.

I'm part of the equation of whatever relationships I’m in. And my part is all I can deal with. Who brought me into the situation? What role did I play?

If I focus on what I need to change the world works better.

Take a Shot...

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take." - Wayne Gretzky
 

Many of us get sober and don't know what to do with our lives. Sometimes we’ve lost so much and failed so often that we're afraid to take further risks.  We're content to rest in the glow of our new found recovery.
 
But some of us - once we get the poison out of our lives - might reflect upon a time when we enjoyed success or at least were headed that way. We might have been in school, had a business, or been in a good relationship. Then our disease took over and trashed our dreams.
 
But what's to keep us from starting again?  Of course, our recovery comes first. But once that’s in place why not reach for the stars?

What’s the worst thing that happens if we attempt something new, only to fail? We’ll be where we are right now. Maybe we’ll have a bruised ego, or an empty wallet. Perhaps someone will laugh at us. But so what?  If we get up and dust off our pants and take another shot we might reach our goal.

I got sober to stop the pain. But, I also believed I could have a better life. And because I was willing to take the risks that better life is here today. 

Another Reprieve

We start today grateful for another reprieve from our disease. We have a new lease on life, another 24 hours to live the life our creator granted us.

We spend a few moments meditating before we start off to our responsibilities. This grounds us in what we need to do to be of service to a world that does so much for us.
 
We may think what we do is not of much service to the world but that's not so.  Each of us, no matter what our role, helps oil the machinery of the universe.
 
We may cook the food, make the phone calls, shovel the dirt, or file the papers; whatever it is - it helps keep the world moving. When each of us does our seemingly insignificant part we can finish our day realizing we're part of something larger than ourselves.

Part of being sober is to give back to the world from which we self-centeredly took everything while in the midst of our addiction.

Fear Power

"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." – Mark Twain

A client who fears he has health problems from drinking said in group that he spends a lot of time worrying. Most of the day he lives under a cloud of depression.

            “I spend too much time wondering what’s going to happen,” he said. “Plus, I don’t have insurance.”

He said that around four years ago he was told he had hepatitis C. The doctor said if he kept drinking it would likely kill him. In spite of the warning he drank for three more years. Now he has understandable concerns.

However, a group member suggested that worrying about isn’t going to help. Unless he’s seen a doctor and had a diagnosis he doesn’t know what’s going on with his health.

            “It’s just as easy for you to wake up in the morning,” the group leader told him, “and tell yourself you feel great. If you keep telling yourself you’re sick, it might come true.”

The client agreed that he mostly gives himself negative feedback and said he might practice giving himself positive affirmations as a way to overcome his fear.

Pain? Or change?

A new client from out of state called his mother yesterday and asked her to send him a plane ticket home.

He told her there was a lot of drug use in the program and that he was afraid he would relapse. 

 She called our corporate office to complain and was told to not pay attention to him - that he was simply trying to manipulate her so he could return home and continue using. We suggested she save her money unless she wanted to continue to support his drug habit. Our staff member also suggested she attend 12-step meetings that are for those in relationships with substance abusers.

It isn’t uncommon for us to get these kinds of calls. When some addicts get to our program and realize we’re serious about recovery they find every reason in the world to get back home.

They food's terrible.  It’s too hot in Arizona. They want me to work. It’s all about money. The staff is rude. The list goes on and on…

But the reality is they’re not ready to give up their drug of choice. And because our organization – top to bottom – is managed by recovering addicts we understand not wanting to quit. Most of us weren’t ready to quit either until we could no longer stand the pain.

Live in pain? Or change? Eventually, when the pain became great enough we took the simple steps that brought us to where we are today. 

Until our unhappy client suffers enough pain there’s not a lot we can do for him…

Alcoholics are Different

At a super bowl party yesterday one of the guests accepted a rum and coke but refused a second round from the host.

"I've had enough," she said.

Of course this remark caught my attention - a statement that separates alcoholics from the rest of the world.

We alcoholics say "keep them coming.  And don't ask." One is too many and a thousand’s not enough.

Before I got sober I found social drinkers amusing. In my mind they didn’t know how to “have fun.”  They didn’t know how to party like I did. They also didn’t get into fights or go to jail for driving while intoxicated or lose their jobs over drinking. Today I admire those who can use alcohol without abusing it.

It’s interesting that at 21 plus years’ sober I still pay attention to what others drink, how much they drink, and how they behave when they drink. That tells me that lurking inside of me is the disease that consumed so much of my life until I finally found the 12-step programs that saved my life.

But if I continue to do the same things that brought me 21 years of sobriety I’ll keep enjoying the wonderful life I have today.