Sudden Departure

It was a small surprise yesterday when we lost our janitor. One minute he was happily whistling while he worked. Then a little later he showed up at the office with his bags. He turned in his keys, and left without explanation.

And later that morning a long-term manager had a meltdown and quit – saying the job had become too stressful.

Our employees frequently quit because one constant in halfway house management is employee burnout.  

This is a job we do for one reason:  to help others into recovery. If one has other motives the job seems to wear us down more quickly.

That’s because working for TLC offers little in the way of compensation or benefits.

A constant stream of angry and needy residents is emotionally draining.

The hours are long for managers who live on property because they're always on the job.

The real payoff comes when we see our efforts make a different in someone’s life. In the 12-step programs we learn that carrying the message will help us remain sober.

Working at TLC is one way to carry that message.

Being Responsible

The new TLC client had a litany of complaints.

            "I'm not sure why my boss sent me here," he said, anger on his face. "They're out to get me."

He went on and on about injustices at his place of employment. Other employees had done the same thing - gotten high at work - but none got in trouble. Even though he'd failed drug tests in the past he didn't understand why he was required to go to counseling.

His story mirrors that of many TLC clients. They're in trouble over drugs or alcohol. Either it's with the law or at work. They might have been required to come to our program by their parole or probation officer or their employer. And even though they were told why they they were sent to TLC they say they don't understand what happened.

Of course it's obvious to you who are reading this – or anyone listening – what their problem is.

They don't want to be responsible. It's easier to blame others for bad things that happen. The real issue is finding anyone who'll listen to us.

The foundation of recovery is responsibility.

We have Choices

A client at our Roosevelt house was complaining that his parole officer had sent him there and he had no choice but to stay.

            "Why can't you leave?" Our district manager asked him.

            "Because my PO sent me here," the client responded.

            "You can leave," the district manager told us. Then he led the client to the parking lot. 

            "See," he said, pointing to the edge of the property, "there's no fence around this place. You can leave and no one will stop you."

            "But my parole officer will put me back in prison," the client lamented.

            "So you have a choice," the district manager told him. "The problem is, you don't like the choices."

This exchange between our district manager and the unhappy client illustrates that we always have choices. This client was acting as if he didn't have a choice about being in our recovery program. But he had a choice. He just didn't like the idea that if he didn't stay he might go back to prison.

We become responsible when we deal with our addictions in a healthy manner - when we accept that we have choices about how we live. The idea that one commits a crime, then decides he dislikes the options facing him must blame himself. Had he made good decisions he would've never gone to prison.  He probably would've never started using drugs. And we would've never met him.

We understand that often people don't like the situation in which they put themselves. But part of being in recovery is realizing that we most always got into our difficulty by our own hand. 

Thousands of our clients have changed. It began when they became responsible for their choices.

Serenity for sale: $100

Since I've been sober I enjoy existing in a state of serenity and peace. And when that state of being is disturbed I immediately go for a solution.

My serenity was disrupted this weekend when my wife and I were visiting San Diego for a few days - a cool post-birthday respite. 

Now normally she and I disagree about little. Before things escalate we're able to move in another direction. And we didn't argue this weekend - but things were getting a little testy as we were in heavy traffic trying to get to a restaurant downtown. It seemed like everywhere we went we were having communication challenges.

However, we found a technological solution for around $100. Before we returned to the hotel we took a quick trip to Target and located a Garmin GPS mapping device to guide us through traffic and on to our destination.

It's easy to use, has a short learning curve, and best of all our serenity's at the right level once more.

Higher Powered

The phrase "God of our Understanding" echoes the brilliance of the founders of our 12 step programs.

They must have sensed that new members would be suspicious of a program that required them to believe in another alcoholic’s version of God - or to accept the strictures of a specific religious dogma. So they crafted steps that allowed the recovering to choose a Higher Power that would work for them.

Most successful 12 step members of my acquaintance eventually develop a spiritual life.  And it's a life not necessarily connected to a church or special dogma – though some are members of organized religions.

Some say their spiritual lives flower as they see the dramatic changes that unfold as they live clean and sober.  Success shows up in unexpected ways. Maybe they find a better job.  Their bodies heal. The family begins to trust them again.  Or legal problems go away.

 

At first they marvel at their fortune.  But then they realize that good continues to occur without a rational explanation.

 

And in these blessings some recognize a pattern they attribute to a higher power.

Patience is Key

In dealing with clients I remind myself to be patient. Often what is obvious to me seems to escape some of our group members.

What helps is remembering that I once was in so much angry denial that nothing was my responsibility. Everything was caused by others. No one understood. Those who criticized my drug use didn't know how to party. Or else they were narrow-minded. Whatever it was, I was blinded by denial and unwilling to give up my best friends: heroin and alcohol.

Counselors and others were tolerant and patient with my denial and lack of insight.

I must remember that I only began to change when I had enough pain. When those in my groups lament their history of relapse I have to remember that this is often part of the process of recovery – learning that using doesn't work anymore.

Many male clients think their only problem is they need a job. And if I look back 25 or 30 years I used to think the same thing. My problem wasn't drugs or alcohol – it was that I didn't have enough money to pursue my addiction.

I must recognize that recovery is a slow evolutionary development of skills that goes beyond keeping us sober – it helps us enjoy a full life. Those in the counseling field are blessed to be able to share experience with newcomers. We have a responsibility to use our counseling skills to show them a better way.

While it might sound overly idealistic, when we help others into recovery we make a difference in the larger world.  Change has a ripple effect. Those living with and around a recovering person can't help but be affected by the positive changes. 

Positive changes can only help breed more positive changes.

God & Serendipity

After a year of planning and groundwork, TLC outpatient clinic is taking in its first client this coming Monday.

It’s almost overwhelming to think that in January 1992 we had five beds for clients in a broken down house in Mesa. Today we have over 750 beds in two states and employ some 60 recovering addicts, a few who've been with TLC since the early days. And this was accomplished without government funding or grants.

This is an example of what addicts can do when they turn their lives toward positive endeavors. Even though our organization has made many missteps along the way, we've never given up. We've faced government lawsuits. We've suffered serious financial setbacks. We've lost managers over and over.  But we we’ve always showed up next morning and continued to carry out our mission of helping recovering substance abusers rebuild their lives.

The TLC outpatient clinic seems almost an example of divine intervention.

• Advisors with long experience in running treatment programs appeared.

• A chance conversation with someone who knew about health insurance was a factor. This person came on board as a consultant.

• We happened to have an available space, 1800 square feet at our downtown Mesa property. And we had open space in another of our properties in Phoenix.

• An key manager at another treatment program, who was being treated badly, was looking for a new opportunity.

• We were fortunate to find a young doctor who would serve as our medical director.

There are other factors that came into play – too many to list here. But the point is if we keep moving forward in faith we can do most anything.

God – and serendipity – also help...