Progress?

As a counselor, as a catalyst for change, I stay emotionally healthier if I don’t invest a lot of emotion in the outcome. Yet, it's gratifying when I see clients whose lives change for the better.

And today I witnessed positive change with a couple I’ve worked with for a while. When we first started they had issues that seemed nearly insurmountable. In fact, the last time I had them in my office one was shouting, the other crying. The future seemed dim for them and I wasn’t sure they’d be back.

However they returned two weeks later for their scheduled appointment. And one told me that after the previous session they hadn’t spoken for hours, that there was a chill in the air for days afterward.

But something the husband heard during the previous session about responsibility had resonated. With the realization that he must be responsible for his role in the near breakup of their marriage their communication was improving.

Do they still have a lot of work to do? Of course. But it was nice to see them leave the office smiling and holding hands – something that hadn’t occurred after previous sessions.

Doing Research

A former halfway house client I barely recognized was waiting on a bench outside when I left this evening. As soon as he saw me walk out the door he stood up with a wide smile, his hand outstretched. You’d have thought we were long lost relatives.

But the real connection between us at that moment was he knew I had money. And he needed $10.00. When I handed it over, I suggested he should take off before the liquor store closed. But he set me straight.

“I don’t drink,” he said. “I just smoke crack and do a little meth”

Well, pardon me all to hell I thought. But I just smiled and segued into a conversation about an addict I’d talked to at that exact spot the last week of January.

When I saw that man I told him his disease would kill him if he didn’t get help. And while I was simply nudging him toward recovery with my prediction it –sadly – turned out to be true. The man was found dead in Phoenix two weeks later.

I hope this man’s life turns out better.

No Comment

For a while I'm not allowing comments on this blog. It's not about thoughtful criticism.  I welcome that.

But for some reason I've been getting many postings that appear to be questions about the blog's design, or the theme.  But they turn out to be advertisements or spam.

For example, I've had postings from people selling ecstasy and other drugs. Or else they try to direct me to a gambling or porn website. 

The problem with these, and sometimes I get several a day, is that I have to take the time to delete them. There's no way I want readers to be directed to those resources. They can find them on their own.

Other time-wasting comments are from people who seem high or drunk or angry – or all of the above. And they never put their name on the comment. Instead they just want to engage in anonymous angry vomiting that oftentimes is unintelligible. Many, I suspect, are former angry former clients who haven't yet found recovery.

I've always welcomed comments from those who disagree - or hopefully agree . And for them I've posted my e-mail address on the blog.  I welcome them to send an e-mail or comment any time they want.

I will get back to you.

Eight Years!

An addict who’s been with TLC off and on since the mid-nineties celebrated eight years of sobriety Saturday, March 9.

His story inspires those who were raised by addicts and alcoholics and who never had a chance while growing up.

This man left home, barely in his teens, peddling his bicycle away from his mother’s funeral after her untimely death from her addiction.

He burned through his teen years, drinking and shooting meth on the streets of Phoenix - until he landed on TLC’s doorstep. The program didn't work for a while. He was in and out repeatedly. But after his last intake he looked in the mirror and recognized his problem.

He’s been at TLC since, first as client, now as a supervisor in TLC’s business operations. He’s responsible for the labor group and several other operations. A man who once wasn't trustworthy is now trusted with everything – in particular the responsibility of helping newcomers find the path to recovery.

Today he has the important blessings of a new baby with the woman he’s about to marry, serenity, a network of loving friends, a home in suburbia, employment – some of the blessings we're offered in the Promises.

Happy anniversary!

Restless?

A young addict is reportedly outraged about the amount being paid to TLC by his insurance company for his treatment.

This, in spite of the fact that he received seven months of intensive counseling and groups. He had the benefits of visiting a gym seven days a week. His doctor visits and prescriptions were paid - as was housing, transportation, and meals. And, he’s living sober and in the good graces of his family once more.

In other words, he got what he came for: a start on a new life. Yet he has this objection about what the insurance was paying for the program that was giving him a start.

This seems another example of the uniqueness of our disease. I've never heard anyone who had serious surgery complain about how much the insurance company paid the hospital. In fact, many seem to take a perverse pride in how much their surgery cost.

Yet addicts – until they enter serious recovery - fight the process with forms of denial masked as rational complaints. The food's bad. The properties are old. The staff is almost 100% addicts. I have to look for a job. The program's too costly.

While some of these might seem valid, the reality is that concern about what a program earns has little to do with recovery. But a lot to do with what's going on with the addict.  

Twenty two years of experience has taught us that when one is hungry for change there are no obstacles as long as the basics are met.

Home Again

Today, in the air for two hours twenty minutes then to our home in Mesa after a wonderful nine days in Puerto Vallarta.

And I return immersed in gratitude for my blessings. And those blessings flow from seeds of sobriety planted in my life over 22 years ago.

Ongoing pain forced me to seek refuge in recovery in a Mesa, Arizona detox January 13, 1991. When I stopped pumping heroin into my arm and chugging whatever booze I could steal, the pain receded.

And I’ve stayed sober because I don’t want the pain to return – and because I’m living the promises.

I’d tried all kinds of ways to successfully drink and drug, as it describes in the recovery literature. Somehow it never worked because I couldn't master the social drinking/drugging thing. If I was conscious I hadn't had enough.

In detox I encountered the steps. I admitted I was powerless over everything – which was easy because I had lifetime of proof. I followed suggestions and six months later realized I no longer hurt. That was an epiphany.

All I wanted was to escape the painful, pointless existence I had when I entered recovery. But the universe is pouring out so much more.

Attaboy

Someone suggested I was "taking a day off" when I published letters from readers.  And they're sort of right.  On the other hand it's important that family members who are looking us over see what clients have to say.  Anyway, here's another attaboy.

Dear Mr. Schwary and TLC,

I recently celebrated 6 months of sobriety at TLC.

Coincidentally it was my 48th birthday as well. Needless to say it was the best birthday I've had in 4 years and I remember all of it as well. Last year I was medically detoxing for more than a week in a Salt Lake City hospital all the time actively seizing from alcohol withdrawal. The year before that I was locked up in the Salt Lake County jail on my birthday. The previous year I had just become homeless.

TLC has given me my life back and shown me how to live sober. I've had periods of sobriety in the past but most of that was forced, as in being locked up. My life of addiction has spanned 35 years. I should have died several times during that time. God brought me to TLC last March and I had a rocky start but they gave me back my self esteem, hope and a future. I work for them in the Corporate Office and have gained valuable computer skills after being unemployed since 2008.

I can't so much.begin to thank everyone that has touched my life and shown me how to live life sober and enjoy it.

Thanks, Anonymous

Congratulations to "Anonymous" on six months.