24 years...

Today, the 14th, it will be 24 years ago that I walked into a detox in Mesa, Arizona.

It was about 10 o'clock in the morning and I was trying to escape a life of desperation.

My addiction had beaten me into a state of submission. I had no money. I was wearing everything I owned. In summary, my life was a mess.

In retrospect, the best place for an addict to start rebuilding his life is from the bottom up. That was me. I was at the bottom and willing to listen to what anyone told me.

The things they told me were simple. Take drugs and alcohol out of my life before they killed me. Go to 12-step meetings. Find a sponsor. Work on changing my life.

It took about a week or so before all this started to soak in. It took that long for my brain to clear some of the fog.

After 11 days I was discharged to a local halfway house that accepted me even though I had no money.

It was the beginning of a new life.

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Personal Inventory

"Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."

Doing a 10th step as we go through our day keeps us out of trouble. Plus, it makes us aware of how we're behaving.

So how do we do this?

For example, if we're short with a coworker, we immediately apologize. That way we defuse a potential conflict.

Even if we're not sure we were wrong in the situation, it's easier to make a quick apology and move on. That way we keep the stress down.

The other part of taking a personal inventory is that we keep focus upon ourselves. Too often, those of us in recovery look outside for answers to our problems. And my experience has been that I am the author of my own misery. Nearly always.

When I travel through life with the idea that I'm responsible for my own behavior that behavior seems to get better over time.

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Another Benefit

A major benefit of the 12-step programs is sobriety.

But did you know that following the program can also boost your immune system?

This is because carrying the message is an act of kindness. And studies have shown that doing kind and positive things helps our immune system.

Huh? You might ask. Where did you come up with this?

The evidence comes from the phenomenon known as the "Mother Theresa Effect." And it was the subject of a Harvard University study.

For years Mother Theresa and her sisters worked in terrible slums. Sanitation was poor. Disease was rampant. Yet, their immune systems protected them. And scientists attributed it to the work they were doing.

Even those who watched videos of the nuns at work experienced increases in immune function.

While there are many reasons to be in recovery, there's always room for one more.

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R.I.P.

The call yesterday from a former client's mother was a punch to the gut.

When I saw her number I hoped it wasn't bad news.

But when I heard her voice I knew it was. The worst.

Her son, not yet 25, died that morning.

My voice was choking as I gave her condolences. And I don't know what I said. But in these situations I always feel clumsy and inarticulate. What do I say to a woman who's lost her second child to the same genetic disease?

After we hang up I reflect on her son.

He arrived here from the East Coast and spent over a year with us. I think it was the longest he'd been clean.

Within a few weeks he'd endeared himself to everyone – staff and other clients.

He was cheerful and pleasant. In spite of the fact that he knew he wouldn't make it to 30.

The addicts among us admired him. Because we wondered if we'd stay clean and sober facing what he was facing.

It was my fortune to have him assigned to my caseload. And over the year I'd see him for an hour a week face-to-face.

He didn't talk much during many of our sessions. Maybe a paragraph or two. He'd sit across from me with his zen-like attitude and quiet smile.

When he did talk it was about his love for his mother. Or how he missed home. Or his pets. Or a few of his friends. Sometimes it was about video games or movies. At times he'd talk of the sister who'd passed away from the same disease. Once in a while we'd talk recovery.

I never pushed him on anything. At first I thought he'd enjoy better health if he worked out, meditated, and ate better. But he didn't think the same thing. So I left it alone.

Instead I listened to him. And I visited him on his frequent two-week hospital stays where they'd work to restore his breathing.

I'm grateful to have spent a year with him. He taught us acceptance - something we strive for in recovery. He showed us how to wear life loosely, not making big deals of things. He taught us about courage.

When he'd leave my office he always left me feeling I'd gotten much more from him than he did from me.

Godspeed, my friend...

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Psychic Hotline?

A client who relapsed seems surprised when a manager's predictions come true.

Because when he left and started drinking the manager told him what would happen.

"You're going to lose your job, your car, and probably get a DUI. Maybe go back to prison." There were other predictions also. But those were the main ones.

And sure enough, before long the former client lost his job. Was sleeping in his car. Got a DUI. The prison part will have to wait until he goes to court. But that's the likely outcome considering the client's history.

Some think we have psychic powers when our predictions are so on target. But it's really a no-brainer when it comes to relapse.

There are only so many things that can happen. And they all involve loss. And the loss is always in primary areas of our lives: relationships. Jobs. Health. Freedom.

So, it's safe to make these kinds of predictions.

Still, it's okay for clients to think we have psychic powers. Maybe they'll pay more attention.

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Not Boring

Running a recovery organization like ours is hard work. But, it's never been boring.

And because we take anyone who claims to want sobriety, we attract a diverse group.

You'd never see our halfway house clients in those slick ads for recovery programs on a California beach. Because most of our clients have fallen through the safety net.

In fact, 99% of our halfway house clients have nothing when they get here. No money. No insurance or car. Little clothing; some have no shoes. Many have no identification, so it's hard to put them to work.

Yet we've kept doing this for 23 years because our mission is to help recovering substance abusers rebuild their lives. And frequently clients start a new life.  Yet others are ungrateful.

But I digress.  Let me get back to where I started - about hard work and not boring.

Today I get to the office with plans to clear my desk and get on to pending projects. Then, bam! We're served with a lawsuit.

Now that's not unusual.  Because we live in a litigious world where a successful lawsuit can put someone on Easy Street. And angry addicts sometimes express their resentments with legal action. So, we've had our share of lawsuits - though they're mostly frivolous and go nowhere..

But the lawsuit today was the first of its kind for us.

A transgender former client filed a lawsuit from prison claiming he was sexually assaulted and raped at our Roosevelt house over a period of time. And that our staff was aware of it, but did nothing. And he wants over a $100,000 in damages - not much for such a serious allegation.

So, even though this is a frivolous action, we still have to turn it over to the insurance company. Then we have to spend time getting witnesses and documents together until it goes away.

Like I said, sometimes this is hard work. And definitely not boring.

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On Loan from God

"Everything we have is on loan from God." from 12-step meeting.

This sentence has stayed with me since I heard it over 15 years ago.

I like it because - among other things - it sums up the idea that everything is temporary.

Now mind you, I enjoy the finer things. Nice automobiles. A fine home. Great vacations and so on.

But I'm also realistic about material things. I know they can leave us, as fast - or faster - than we acquire them.

More than once in my pre-sober life back in last century I'd be driving down the street in a new car. I'd have a pocket full of money. I'd be living large, then law enforcement would intervene.

Before I could blink I'd be in handcuffs. Life would change before my eyes. My fancy car would be gone. My luxury flat. My freedom and everything that goes with it.

I'd wake up the next morning in the County Jail. Wearing crappy clothes. Eating off a metal tray. I'd find myself living in concrete and steel buildings behind high walls for long periods.  

The point of all this, is that while I like material things, my experiences have taught me to not fall in love with them. Eventually the new car ends up at the recyclers. Someone else will live in my nice house. My grandchildren will rule the world.

It's okay to have nice stuff. It's not okay to think that the things we have are who we are or what life is about.

Our real value in the world lies in what we do to lift others up - to make their lives better.  This is the essence of being human.

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