Powerful Addiction

A recovering alcoholic I've known for many years – a heavy smoker – went to the hospital last week and underwent 12 hours of surgery to replace heart valves. 

He'd originally gone to the hospital because he was having trouble breathing due to the onset of emphysema and COPD.  While dealing with the emphysema, doctors discovered the issues with his heart.

I remember many years ago talking to this man, now in his mid-50s, about the devastating effects of smoking. His reply was that he given up drinking and drugs but he wasn't going to give up the one thing that still gave him pleasure: smoking.

Smoking is something that I still have an obsession about. My mother, my brother, three aunts, two uncles, and several cousins died prematurely from emphysema and COPD – all smoking-related. One cousin died at 43 years old, suffocating from emphysema. And I know that if I hadn't quit over 28 years ago I myself would've succumbed prematurely.

The American Lung Association reports:

"Three decades ago, public outrage killed an automobile model (Ford's Pinto) whose design defects allegedly caused 59 deaths. Yet every year tobacco kills more Americans than did World War II — more than AIDS, cocaine, heroin, alcohol, vehicular accidents, homicide and suicide combined.

Approximately 440,000 people die from their own smoking each year, and about 50,000 die from second-hand smoke annually.  According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 22,073 people died of alcohol, 12,113 died of AIDS, 43,664 died of car accidents, 38,396 died of drug use — legal and illegal — 18,573 died of murder and 33,300 died of suicide.

That brings us to a total of 168,119 deaths, far less than the 440,000 that die from smoking annually."

Facts like these don't carry much weight with a nicotine addict. In my case quitting nicotine was far more difficult than quitting heroin – something I'd done more than two dozen times in 40 years. Yet quitting cigarettes saved my life and added quality to my years.

In the recovery community smoking addiction is inverse to that of the general population. 80% of recovering people smoke: approximately 20% of the general population smokes.

I encourage my brothers and sisters in recovery to take the final step to an addiction free life by quitting tobacco.

Reflection

"We're like the cat that looks at the world through mouse colored glasses - all it sees is mice."  -Author Unknown

A client complained of how tired she was of living at the main woman's compound because of all the "drama."

She said the women there were continually gossiping, arguing, and putting each other down. She said she wanted to be moved to a smaller house so she wouldn't have to put up with that behavior - she was sick of it.

She was kind of taken aback when I suggested she might look at the situation in a different manner.  I told her she could probably eliminate a lot of the drama if she eliminated it from her own mind.

I explained that when there's drama in my life, that's what I see in others. If I'm peaceful  then I  find that people are peaceful.  If I'm loving then I find loving people.   Normally, whoever I am internally seems to be what the world is all about.

Our world reflects back what we are inside.

Perfect World?

Yesterday was one of those crazy days.

Maybe it started because at aftercare Monday evening I was talking about how we live in a perfect world. I repeated my belief that everything in God's world is exactly is supposed to be at the moment. Did something emanate from that statement? Maybe a test of how much I really believe what I said?

The day started normally enough, with a visit to the gym. But somewhere between there and my house I misplaced my wallet with all of my credit cards, drivers license and some cash. I'm sure it's probably somewhere in a cranny around the house. But I had to start the day without money or credit card or driver's license.

And from there the day became really strange. A meeting with an insurance provider didn't have the desired results. Then a nail in a tire.  After that a client was having difficulty adjusting to the program and had to be taken to a psychiatric hospital. Another client who was reportedly sleep walking and keeping other clients awake half the night had to be moved. Managers at one of the properties were suspected of stealing – or at the very least allowing security to become so lax that clients were able to steal money and property.

Sandwiched between the above were normal business things that take up most of a typical day. The result was a 14 hour non-stop day.

Do I still think we live in a perfect world?  Yes…

Genuine Commitment

A new client was sharing at a meeting about he found his way to TLC from the East Coast.

                “I went to the TLC website and liked what I saw,” he said.  “Next thing I knew I’d sold my house and was on the Greyhound headed to Arizona.”

Some three days after boarding the bus he awakened from a slumber and looked out the window at nothing but desert.  Looking over the barren landscape he asked himself what the flip he'd been thinking by getting rid of everything and going to a state he knew nothing about.

However, a powerful motivation was to get away from family and friends – most of them addicts, alcoholics and criminals.  So he stayed on the bus and continued to his goal because he knew he could never get sober back home.

This man’s story is an example of the kind of wholehearted commitment it takes to get onto the path of  recovery. There’s little doubt that if he stays the course he’ll enjoy a clean and sober future.

Giving Back

A professional therapist with nearly two decades of experience was discussing a young client on her caseload who was “driving her crazy.”

The client had relapsed several times over a three month period.  She kept blowing up the therapist’s phone with normal addict drama.  She’d been assaulted.  For a time she lived in an alley. She couldn't get into detox. The hospital wouldn't take her. And on and on...

In addition, her family was calling nearly daily from the East Coast – either to get updates or to relate conversations they’d had with her in the middle of the night.

When I asked why she didn't assign the client to another counselor or take other measures she said she couldn't do that.

She explained that 25 years ago, when she was in her own addiction, she had many of the same issues as this young woman.  She’d been jailed and in and out of recovery more than once. She’d caused a lot of heartbreak.

But even though her parents, grandparents and counselors were frustrated and talked of giving up on her – they never did.

Because of the support she got from those around her she’s sober today.  And she wants  to try to help this young client get to the same place.

Killing Himself

A former client who’s been with TLC several times called from the hospital room where he and his alcoholic girlfriend were being treated for alcohol poisoning.

                “You guys are right,” he said to the manager who took the call. “My relationship with this woman’s going to kill me.” And he’s probably right.

In my opinion this man has one issue in his life: his alcoholism.  When he first came to us several years ago it was from a corporate job with a nation-wide company. He was relatively healthy looking.  His brain seemed intact.  And he had a decent personality.

Then he met an attractive woman 20 years his junior at a 12-step meeting. And it was on. Before long he left and they were drinking buddies.

Each  time he’d return and start working a decent recovery program she’d call and blow in his ear. That’s all it took. Even though he was prohibited from communicating with her the last few times he was in the program he’d find some way to be in touch. And not long after they’d be drunk together.

One of the last things he said before he left is that he was worried about her and wanted to go help her. I’m afraid the kind of help he’s giving her could kill them both.  

Life's Lessons

While leaving my office yesterday I encountered a man shuffling toward me, his arm dangling at his side. He struggled to put words together as he introduced himself.

As he explained his condition he told me the day he left TLC three years earlier he’d injected a large dose of methamphetamines and had a stroke that paralyzed his right side.

He went on to describe the challenges he had in learning to speak and walk on his own again.  While he still hasn’t fully recovered, he says he wants to stay away from drugs and rebuild his life.

After we parted I reflected on the many TLC clients over the years who’ve had experiences like this man – or worse.

And he reminded me of how blessed am to be sober these many years. Once I got into the 12-step programs and started enjoying some of the early benefits of recovery I never looked back -  for which I'm grateful.

Talking to this man yesterday reaffirms that getting sober-and staying sober- was one of the best things I ever did.