Grateful Birthday

Today I tell myself happy birthday because I turned 76 at around 5 AM.

I'm grateful to have arrived at this age. And to some degree I'm a little bit surprised that I survived this long - considering my history.

I don't know any heroin addicts my age. Oh, I know they're out there, but I haven't met them.

And the only reason I'm still around is because I got clean and sober January 14, 1991. That, plus I try to maintain a healthy and low-stress lifestyle.

Today I have gratitude for my life. I have a loving wife. I'm surrounded by kind and caring friends and associates. My children and extended family care about me. I have meaningful work helping other people get sober. And for many years I've enjoyed the promises of the 12-step programs.

What more could I ask?

I guess it would be that God grant me the blessing of being able to continue to do what I'm doing.

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Reprogramming our Subsconscious

A challenge for us addicts is learning to love ourselves. Learning to overcome the negative messages of the past.

Maybe the messages started smacking us when we were very young.

"Why can't you be more like your brother?"

"You'll never amount to anything."

"You're too clumsy to play sports."

"This report card is terrible."

If we hear a drumbeat of these messages as a child they eventually penetrate our subconscious. And our subconscious is the operating system for our lives. We follow it's directions without thinking. Just like a computer program. This negativity may be part of why we became addicts.

Or maybe we had a good childhood. But our addictions have led us to beat ourselves up because of the path we took.

We look at our peers. They already have jobs. Homes. Marriages and families. Careers. Here we are, because of our poor choices, eating their dust.

Our family is starting to wonder if they brought the wrong child home from the hospital. We've let them down so many times. Maybe they won't let us in their homes or help us. Maybe they won't talk to us.

But the good news is this can all change. We can reprogram ourselves. We can put new positive messages into our lives. And the messages can be simple ones.

"I'm sober today."

"I'm not in jail."

"I found a job."

"I have 90 days sober."

These are basic messages we can give ourselves in new recovery. Later on, as we build a positive history, the messages can be more powerful. And eventually our subconscious has a new operating program - one that will guide us to even more success.

Loving ourselves as a human being - not just as an image in the mirror - is crucial to our success.

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Relationships

I've met several people recently who are in challenging relationships.

They're suffering because the other person doesn't give them what they want. The partner may be no longer interested. Or else they're not giving back. The reasons vary.

As a result life seems bleak. Thoughts of their partner occupy most of their waking headspace.

A man in recovery - who's out of state - periodically calls to vent. He wonders what's wrong with her. He tells me her shortcomings. He doesn't know whether to leave or stay. There's pain in his voice. And he's focused on what he wants, not what she wants. But I don't give advice. It's something they'll have to work or out between them. He knows I'm someone who'll listen for a while.

If I did tell him anything it would be that relationships are difficult for even so-called "normal" people. So how much harder might they be for those of us who have the added challenges of recovery?

But if we approach our relationships with the idea of giving to our partner - rather than taking - odds of success increase.

It's harder to get in trouble when we're giving love, when we're enhancing our partner's life.  If we give them what they want it's likely they'll give us what we want.

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Changing the World

When we help others change their lives we make a difference in the world. Not only the outer world. But also our inner world.

Many times those new to recovery say they want to become a counselor. To help others in recovery.

Then they'll outline their plans of going to school to get a certificate.

And I tell them that's a good idea. But I also tell them they don't have to wait til they get a certificate.

They can help others right now. And then they wonder how to do that. But it's not complicated.

Even if we have a day sober we can start helping others new to recovery.

When a newcomer arrives we welcome them. We help them feel comfortable in their new environment. We show them around the property. Where to do their laundry. Where the kitchen is. How to use the job center. How to get a bus pass. Give them clean socks. Maybe find them a bus route schedule.  This doesn't take education.

When we do this we create a supportive atmosphere where they feel like they belong. And this might be the little nudge that helps change their lives.

And it might sound grandiose that we're making a difference in the world. But maybe not.

When we help someone live a sober life we affect his or her future. The children may never see a drunken passed out parent who keeps going to jail or ending up broke.  When children only have sober role models perhaps they'll stay sober.

Simple acts of kindness radiate throughout the world. We can start now.

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A Reminder

For a few hours after a dental appointment I'm not happy with the results.

There's a bit of discomfort. Nothing painful. But, you know, thinking about my mouth rather than business. Maybe pissed at the dentist.

Then, as I arrive at my next appointment I encounter a strange sight on the sidewalk in front of me. A youngish woman, with crutches and a brace on each limb is moving slowly toward me. She moves jerkily, like an injured spider. Like she has a neurological disorder.

Part of me doesn't want to look. But I make a point of speaking because it's rude to look away simply because I'm uncomfortable.

And she gives me a happy angelic smile as she says hello. There's joy on her face and in her eyes as if she's the happiest person on the planet.

I leave that encounter with a different attitude. Maybe gratitude. Maybe admiration at someone who has such a pleasant demeanor in spite of her challenges.

As I drive off I thank God for the example. Because it rarely fails that when I'm down I encounter a fellow human with real issues.

As a recovering addict it's important for me to remember that I don't always have to feel good. And also that there are many in the world who live with genuine suffering - not the fake kind we addicts like to conjure up.

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Saving Lives

"Treatment saves lives..." Paul Samuels - Legal Action Center.

A front page article in the May 24 issue of USA Today is titled "Drug Overdoses Soar."

The story details interesting facts about addiction:

• An estimated 44,000 a year die from overdoses. This is more than die in car accidents.
• Of 22.7 million who needed treatment, only 11% received it in 2013.
• 316,000 tried and failed to find treatment that year.
• Only 2% of the 468 billion spent on addiction goes to treatment. The rest goes to hospital care, jails, and courts.
• Every dollar invested in treatment saves $4 to $7 in costs for related crime, courts, and hospitalizations.
• Patients are more frequently denied health care for substance abuse than for other medical conditions.

Most of us know there's not enough treatment. But I found it encouraging that USA Today is putting this on the front page. That's where it belongs.

The more people who know the costs of addiction, the more progress will be made. I think taxpayers are tired of paying for hospitalizing, and jailing addicts.

To read this article use the search box at usatoday.com.

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Memorial Day

On this Memorial Day we recognize those who lost their lives to support our freedoms.

I'm grateful to those who died. And I also reflect on those who returned with physical or emotional damage from their service.

We see them in our homeless shelters, on the streets, in jails, prisons, and halfway houses. Many suffer from PTSD or other psychological issues. Some have lost limbs and other functions. Many treat their pain and nightmares with drugs and alcohol. It's an attempt to forget.

Among our halfway house clients and staff we have many veterans. Some were discharged from service because of their addictions. Others made it through their enlistments. But they brought their addictions home with them.

Even though they came back with their lives, many have suffered ever since due to the stresses they faced.

There might not be much we can do in a direct way or in a practical sense.

But we can hold out our hands and open our hearts to this minority who agreed to defend our country.

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