Today I awoke at 4 AM with a strong sense of gratitude. Not only am I grateful for being sober. I'm also grateful because my sweetheart and I are leaving in a few hours for a week's vacation at the beach in San Diego. Once there, we will meet up with my children and grandchildren for a week of fun and relaxation. We began this annual pilgrimage after I had been sober a few years and able to afford to afford trips like this.
Even though I have been sober almost 20 years I still have a profound sense of gratitude because I am able to take vacations like this. It is not only a time for us to reunite and spend time with my children and grandchildren, it is also a time when I can reflect on the many blessings of living in sobriety.
In the last years of my drinking and drugging my life was so chaotic that, even if I had the money, I wouldn't have been able to plan anything like a week-long vacation. There was no planning in my life in those days. My addictions controlled my life. My only plan involved how to get my next fix or drink. Disorder and insanity ruled my life.
Now I work every day in a large recovery program with many people who are new to sobriety. Sometimes they will comment that I am “lucky" to be able to go on vacation. I never disagree with them because I recognize the blessings that I have in my life today. But such comments are also an opportunity for me to discuss the promises we are given when we get sober.
When I first came in to the program the focus of my life was living sober. In those early days I didn't think much about jobs. I didn't spend much time thinking about money or cars or even what I was going to do the next day. I was immersed in living in the moment and staying sober. It was only after a few years of living like this that I looked around and realized that many of the things I had dreamed of all my life were coming true.
I had a home. I had friends. I had a successful business that I had started after I was sober a year. I had financial security. And one of the most important things I had was a new relationship with my family and friends.
God was doing for me what I could not do for myself.
dear John i dont know how my son is doing in mesa but he is telling me that the program is all lies. help! i am not sure he understands how it works. help!
ReplyDeleteHi John,
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you remember me (it's been a lot of years) I'm Charlene Wilkinson and I just brought my son (and Brian's) down from Sedona to a concert in Mesa and there I was looking right at TLC when I parked. What memories! I just had to go in and see if Brian's name was still on the plaque on the wall and it was. Marshall, our son, is now 15, not quite 16 that's why I had to drive him. Like you, I have almost 20 yrs and I'm still teaching school near Sedona in Rimrock. It was wonderful to see TLC again and now to read how successful you are in your endeavors. I sure found out how crazy one can still be even when the drinking stops - for quite a while (like those first few years after Brian died) I don't even recognize that girl now. I'm now visiting with my sister but when I go back to pick Marshall up from the concert I'm going to try to take a picture of Brian's name on the plaque for Marshall (if the office is still open.) So, again congratulations on what you do and your success. LUV Charlene
Maryellen,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment.
I'm sorry your son is having difficulty with our program. And, I'm not sure what he means by saying the program is "all lies." We have been doing pretty much the same thing for nearly 20 years. Our program works for those who are ready for change. Those who are unmotivated will view any program as unsuitable. If you direct your son to my office I'll be happy to discuss his issues with him. Our goal is to help him rebuild his life. However, none of us here are therapists and this is not Betty Ford Clinic. We are just addicts and alcoholics trying to share our experience with others who want to get clean and sober.
Char,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the nice message. Of course I remember you! How time flies. You and Brian both made so many contributions to our success.
Brian's death was a devastating loss for all of it us. It is sad that he couldn't have been with us to see his son grow up.
As far as insanity goes, it seems like it can descend upon me at any moment - even with nearly 20 years. My daily mission is to keep balance in my life and most days I succeed. Many people don't experience what you did and stay sane and sober.
Call or stop by when you're in Mesa.
John
I'd love to stop by- thank you for the invite. My mom and sister are still in Chandler and Gilbert so I'm come down fairly often. Marshall is a great kid, I'd love you to meet him. He does love his heavy metal concerts! He's decided he's straight edge (no alcohol or drugs) and with both his parents, boy, is that a blessing. It was his dream to be admitted to Verde Valley School which is a private international baccalaureate high school and he achieved it - he's a junior now. It's very academically tough and he does very well but it's alot of pressure. He just came back from a week with Brian's mom at the beach in Maryland. Hope to be seeing you some day soon. Char
ReplyDelete