One of the concepts that confounds many of us, particularly in early recovery, is the idea that we are powerless.

"What! I'm powerless? Me? Maybe not so much," we may respond.

In early recovery it was an alien idea that I might be powerless over anything. After all, wasn't I the guy who ran everything? In my haze of alcohol and drugs I had the idea that I was in charge of everything, including the world. In my drunkenness I thought I could solve the country's economic problems. I could resolve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I could have done a much better job with the Iraq war than the president. But the reality was that I couldn't even control the basics of my own life.

My drinking and drugging cost me several relationships. I'd lost jobs and homes. I spent some 15 years in jails and prisons, plus a year in a mental institution. In spite of all this evidence that I had no power over my own life I had trouble with the concept of powerlessness when I first got into recovery.

Just what is this concept of powerlessness and how does it apply to my life? After all, I must have some kind of power over something, don't I? And it is true. We do have power over some areas of our lives. And for me, the issue is always defining where that power begins and ends.

In the meeting rooms, there is no shortage of old-timers who will tell you exactly what powerlessness means. Some of them may be loud and opinionated. But one of the things that I have learned, is that no matter what others say in meeting, I must remember that it is their opinion. And they are as entitled to their opinions as I am to mine.

So, regardless of what others say on the subject, we must be careful when we define where we have power in our lives. For example, I have no power over the larger economy. But I can decide to go look for a job. I have no power over what you think of me. But I do have the power to try to make a good impression on you. I cannot control the outcome of the 12 step meeting, but I can participate in a positive way.

In other words, I no longer rule the external world. I have no power over what others do or say or think. If I'm fortunate I'm able to have power over my own thoughts and reactions and behavior.

At its core, the essence of this concept is what we learn in the first step. And that is the idea that we are powerless over our disease. I didn't end up in the rooms of recovery because I had a spiritual awakening. No one came running up to me with recovery literature and coffee and doughnuts. Angels did not speak to me. I arrived there because my disease had kicked my ass over and over again. So no matter how much I may wrestle with the concept of power in other areas of my life, there is no equivocation when it comes to my disease. Once I pick up that first drink or drug I have no power over what might happen next.

But, based on experience, I'm pretty sure the outcome won't be positive.