Most are torn about what to do. Do they continue to help their child? Or do they start practicing tough love? Hoping that being firm will help their child to recovery?
And my advice is always the same. Be tough. Take a firm position. No more help until you get into recovery. Because, there's nothing wrong with giving someone a jump start once they're sober. But give a user food, housing or transportation and you're supporting their habit.
And while it might not seem that way on the surface, that's exactly what it is. If your kid is living on your couch you're supporting the addiction. Because without your help he/she might get done faster. They'd run out of options sooner.
Now I'm not here to say I was the great parent. That I should give advice about raising children. I was mostly in jail or using when my kids grew up. And my two oldest had a rough upbringing, though they reacted differently. One became an addict, the other a pastor.
I give my advice because I was the addict on the couch. Living on the porch. Sleeping in the garage. Only when my mother told me she was sick of me did I change. She was tired of the police looking for me. Of me not working. Of my nodding out out in the living room. She told me to get my life together or stay away.
Sure, I was hurt. Thought she was cruel. That she didn't care. I was angry.
But within a year or so, once I got sober, I was grateful that she had the courage and love to throw me out. To tell me she wasn't going to help anymore.
Once people stopped enabling me I began to look at myself. And I realized that I needed to do something before I died or ended up back in prison.
That's when I got into recovery.
