Perhaps the largest group consists of those raised by permissive parents who gave them pretty much whatever they wanted. They didn't discourage them from drinking, using drugs, or have sex when they were teenagers. They acted like it was a "phase" they were going through.
They might have paid lip service to the idea they should use birth control and not drive while under the influence. But otherwise they had the attitude that as long as the child did fairly well in school and stayed out of trouble with the law there was no real harm.
And the other group, those who were neglected and abused - spent more time with friends who had similar home lives. Often, the clients in this group were raised by parents who themselves used drugs and got crossed up with the law. They were primarily concerned about their own addictions and didn't have time for their children.
One of our functions here is to teach clients to live so-called "normal" lives. To teach them to be responsible for themselves. We often agree with those who blame their parents for their addictions and social problems. But we also teach them that no amount of blame or finger-pointing is going to help them live a better life.
While it's one thing to vent about those who didn't point us in the right direction, it's a waste of time in terms of improving our futures. Regardless of our upbringing, we must move past yesterday if we want a fulfilling life. Often a client's anger toward the parent is so embedded that it may take them time to come to terms with their past and start living for their own self-interest.
But the bulk of them graduate from our program with the perspective that they're responsible for their own recovery and that blaming others only impedes their growth.
