Wednesday, July 27, 2022

R.I.P. Phyliss

One of my best friends called me two nights ago and told me he'd just arrived home to discover his mother dead on the floor.

I don't know what I expected, if anything.  But he was peaceful and clear as he told me the details of finding her body near the couch.  And he was clear and calm as he described the details.

It's no surprise that she'd passed away, regardless of the circumstances, because she'd been suffering from Parkinson's disease for at least five years.  Plus, she was nearing her mid-eighties.

He called 911 and the police and and others came in a short time. He provided them with paperwork they requested. They told him what he needed to do.  So he called a mortuary and made arrangements for them to pick up her body. 

Because he's been a friend for at least 15 years, he and I had more than one discussion about the reality that one day he'd lose his mother. And because of her health, he anticipated her passing and said he was prepared.  And he was.

But what impressed me about my friend was how he cared for his mother during her last years.  He was always there to clean her house, change her bedding, do her laundry, see that she ate, take her to medical appointments,  see that she had caretakers if he was unavailable.  He saw that she lacked nothing.  She even visited the casino with one of her daughters and won $900 the weekend before her death.

And he gave her tough love to force her to move her body.  Her doctors said she needed more exercise and when he had a chance he'd force her to get it.  He got her various exercise equipment, such as a treadmill, and equipment she could use while in bed.  When she'd ask him for a glass of water he'd insist she get it herself, because she still had the ability to walk.

Sometimes family members thought he was rough on her because they wanted to baby her. On some occasions he told them they were welcome to care for her if they chose. But for some reason they never took him up on the offer.

For me, he was a perfect example of love in action.  He always saw that she had care and everything she needed.  And the strong thing he did was to not baby her.  He showed his love by giving her the things that would keep her healthy - even when others might disapprove.

If I'm ever in his situation, I hope I can show half the dedication that he did when caring for his mother.  May she rest in peace.

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