Pain is Helpful

A business associate - a man in his early twenties - knows I work in the recovery field and asks how he can help a friend who's an addict.

"I was in high school with this guy," he said. "And, he's one of the nicest and smartest people I  know.  The last time I saw him a few years ago he asked me for money.  But I didn't give it to him and I haven't seen him since."

So I told him that until his friend suffers enough pain he probably won't change.  Because the only thing that made me change was the pain of being dope-sick, homeless, and ostracized from friends and family.  And most of the addicts in our program say the same thing:  the pain of their lifestyle was what brought them to our doors.

Parents talk to me often about how to help their addict children and I tell them that when their child suffers enough pain he or she will change.   And of course the idea of their child being in pain is appalling to most parents.  They instead let them live at home, feed them, buy them gas and clothes and so on.  I tell the parents that that's an addicts dream life, sponging off of mommy and daddy while they're using Fentanyl or some other lethal substance.   I tell them that by supporting the child they are, in essence, supporting their drug habit.  Of course they'll deny this at first.  But they'll ultimately find it to be true.

The idea of not helping the addicts we love is alien to most.  But real love is withdrawing support and forcing the addict to deal with his issues on his own.  Of course, the one exception to that is if the addict wants to get into treatment - that's the only help I endorse.

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