Real Values...

After group last night, during which we discussed recovery and other values, a participant sent a text message:

"Life is short, those whom we care for, those whom we love, they are all we really have this life.  Everything else is extra.

"As we grow older and wiser we learn to take happiness in the simple things in life, a smile, a flower, a hug, a thank you, simple things that usually don't cost a thing but a little bit of your time. Little things that if you were to leave this earth tomorrow, those close to you would remember the most. What we leave behind in the hearts of others says who we were, who we loved, and how we lived."

This woman's words moved me because – in my mind - kindness and loving others is the essence of life. They also have strong meaning because this woman spends most of her time helping other addicts and alcoholics who are in early recovery. It’s been refreshing to see her blossom in her program.

She’s an example of how we grow when we get into serious service work.

Hurting Those We Love

Here's a poignant email from a concerned mother that illustrates the havoc we create until we get clean and sober.

“I have a troubled son who lives in another state. He's almost 25 years old, and has burned just about every bridge he's ever crossed. He's been an addict since he was about 15 years old, quit school, has done both jail and prison time. He also had convictions for probation violations. He spent about a year in county jail and 11 months in the prison system

                        

“He has lost his place to stay, wrecked his car, has no job, and is asking ME what he should do now. While doing an internet search for homeless shelters, the link to your transitional living
program came up. I've spent a couple hours on the website, and really enjoyed reading your blog posts, I read a couple month's worth, very insightful!! I especially loved the ones concerning families and what
they will do for their children, and how it eventually has to stop!! I've gone through thousands of dollars, 2 cars, and more sleepless nights than I even want to recall.

"I guess the point of my letter is that when he calls me back to ask me again what he should do...I am going to ask him if he's ready to change his life, to SAVE his life. My husband and I will pay for him to come to AZ by bus.  Or I can have him call your toll free number. I don't really anticipate him making the right decision, but I guess he could surprise me, and I realize that me "forcing" him to go is a waste of time, but I am going to put this out there as an option for him.
 
"Even if he decides not to come to AZ at this time, he may eventually come to the realization that if he wants to turn his life around and make something of it he's going to have to take a giant step and get
help. Thanks for listening!!" 

            We wish her and family well...

No More Denial...

A client showed up unexpectedly at my office yesterday and surprised me with what he had to say.

                "I just want to thank you for saving my life," he said, extending his hand.

Normally, this man's statement wouldn't me by surprise. We often get comments like this from clients who give us more credit than they should for the changes in their lives. After all, they're the ones who did the work.

But when I first met this man he was in total denial. He showed up hot on a drug test and claimed that he didn't know how that had happened. He said that he had never been a drug user and that he didn't know how his test had been dirty. It must have been some kind of mistake. But his company had wanted him evaluated anyway because he was in a safety sensitive position.

Since he had no history of drug use or driving under the influence, after I evaluated him I gave him minimum consequences. I required him to attend ten 12 step meetings within a week, with signature verification. Even though he had only completed eight of the meetings within three days, he was so enthusiastic he wanted to tell me about his experience.

I didn't bother to point out to him that he didn’t have a problem when I met him a few days earlier. But my experience has been that when addicts or alcoholics start hearing others tell their stories it's easier to relate and identify the problem..

In any case, it was refreshing to hear how this man reacted to the meetings. I hope he benefits from his experience.

Lesson in Gratitude

I believe gratitude is a good thing, regardless of where it comes from.

And last night I had gratitude for my life and health after I talked to one of our clients who’s suffered from cancer for many years. This man’s an inspiration to me because of his upbeat attitude. He’s dealt with innumerable surgeries, and various treatments that have slowed the progress of the disease. In the 6+ years he has been with us he’s never relapsed or left the program.

Of course, like most people, I view the world through my own glasses. And when I see a man who's facing these kinds of challenges I wonder if I could handle the same issues with his equanimity. After all, I've never dealt with pain very well. Even emotional pain caused me to put a needle in my arm or drink myself into a stupor. And here's this man – living in a recovery program – with no income other than disability who's working a program and facing his challenges.

As I drove home from the facility I reflected upon the good example this man sets for the rest of us. When I talked to him he used terms like "powerless." And "one day at a time." While these are all simple terms that propel us through the program, this man applies them to the medical challenges he's facing. He appears to be in total acceptance of everything in his life.

I'm grateful for the inspiration he provided for me.

Half Measures....

"Half measures availed us nothing." from 12-step literature.

A Hard Six client was discovered standing in his room, holding half a cup of vodka. When confronted, he denied he'd been drinking. And sure enough, when given a breathalyzer test he passed. Apparently, he hadn't been drinking.  We discharged him from the program anyway.

Some of the other clients thought it was a harsh consequence. After all the man wasn't drinking and had passed a breathalyzer test. But the issue is larger than whether or not he was drinking.

He clearly intended to drink. Plus, he had alcohol on the property. When questioned he had nothing to say. That alone was a clear indication that he was in denial about his behavior.

Once again I reiterate that we have nothing against drinking or drugging. It's none of our business what others do. However, when it involves our clients or occurs on our property then it's our business.

Even though I've been dealing with addicts and alcoholics for the last 21 years of my recovery, I'm still amazed at those who enter a recovery program but still try to drink and drug. I was the kind of addict and alcoholic who went all the way. If I took a drink or drug today I know I wouldn't be able to stop until life intervened like it did when I first got sober. If I'd  of had any sort of control I wouldn't be in recovery.

We wish this man well. And if he wants to return to try again we’ll accept him.

Reaching Out

              “My head is like a bad neighborhood. I shouldn’t go in there alone.” - heard at a 12-step meeting.

A client in early recovery spoke of having difficulty finding something to do with his spare time. He'd never been clean and sober for more than a few months. Now that he’d been clean for a while, he found himself feeling aimless and bored. He was spending a lot of time in his head, reminiscing about the past.

As always, my suggestion was that he get busy doing service work. Even though he hadn't been sober for long he could help newcomers.  Someone with only a few hours clean needs support. And a lot of times it's not the quality of the support - it's the idea that we’re reaching out to another suffering human being. 

Most newcomers are confused and feel alone. Help from another addict or alcoholic -someone who's been there - makes a difference. The quality of the help means little; the idea that we’re there means everything.

           And while we’re reaching out and sharing our experience we’re reinforcing our own recovery.

Seeing God?

“The statistics on sanity are that one of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.” –Rita Mae Brown 

 Last week I was visiting one of our facilities and when I opened the front door of my car to leave I noticed a man sitting in the back seat.  Thinking he had mistakenly gotten into the wrong car I asked why he was there. Maybe he thought I was taking him to another facility or else had me mixed up with one of the program’s drivers.

                “Someone told me you were close to God,” he replied.  “That maybe you could help me know him better.”

His answer set off an alarm. While at times my ego lets me fancy myself a spiritual guru, his response caught me totally off guard. When I gathered my thoughts I invited him to get out of the car so we could talk.  I wasn’t sure who he was - or if he was even one of our clients. For all I knew he was under the influence of drugs or maybe an angry former client. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t a danger to others or himself.

After we spoke a few moments I found out he was a current client. And I also learned that he had emotional or mental issues that we weren’t qualified – as peer counselors – to deal with. His comments and responses were inappropriate and illogical.  For example, he said he was getting communication from “invisible people who were gesturing to him.”

After twenty minutes I was able to convince him to let us take him right then for an emergency mental health evaluation.  He was prescribed medication and returned to our facility the next morning to continue working on his recovery.

            Hopefully he'll be okay.