Mindfulness Training

"Fully aware of present experience - with acceptance"  - definition of mindfulness.

We have slowly been introducing mindfulness into TLC.

It started with the Outpatient Clinic. The therapy groups now each have anywhere from five to 20 minutes of meditation. Most clients are positive about it.

Six months ago we began introducing mindfulness training into the Monday evening aftercare group.  Most of the training consists of videos, supplemented with meditation sessions.

A few clients are using the training.

One client said he went to work yesterday morning thinking the day "would suck." It was over 100 degrees and he worked outside. Then he noticed and accepted his thoughts. His thinking changed and the day turned out okay.

Another reported that those around him notice a change in his demeanor, in his behavior. He attributes the change to paying more attention and being present.

Some had the idea before training started that maybe meditation was a way to relax. Or zone out.

But reality is that meditation teaches us to be present for the moments of our lives. To recognize and accept our thoughts: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

There are no goals in meditation other than to meditate. There's no bad or good meditation - it's all just meditation.

Thousands of studies do report positive benefits from meditation.

But again, the only goal is to meditate, not to seek a certain outcome - which can be counter-productive.

Click here to learn more about mindfulness meditation.

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Year to Live

At a 12 step meeting yesterday morning I hear about a friend who has less than a year to live.

It's a shock. Because I'd seen him at an event less than a month ago and he looked as healthy as I'd seen him in a long time.

I've known him for the 17 years of his recovery, since he first came to TLC.

Prior to that, the story is that he lived naked in the desert shooting meth.

He worked for TLC for several years repairing air-conditioners and helping out. Then he got a better job, married, and moved some 30 miles away.

I planned to call him after the meeting. But I procrastinate, doing other things. Maybe I don't know what to say, perhaps a little apprehensive. I finally pick up the phone later in the afternoon.

When he answers he sounds like he always does, upbeat and positive.

He talks about visiting the emergency room a few days earlier when they discovered his cancer.

He's matter-of-fact as he tells me what the doctors said about having less than a year to live. Then he talks about his plans to fight because he says he didn't get sober just to die. He has a list of things he's going to do to change the outcome. Before we hang up he says he'll keep me updated.

Afterward, I feel better for having called. I feel powerless because I have nothing to say that would help him. Something magic to give him.

Perhaps letting people know we care is all we can do.

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Long Term Plans

At TLC we give clients what they need.

In the case of newcomers and those in early recovery it's fairly basic. We provide housing, food, jobs and a peer driven program to support their recovery.

But there's another group of clients that also has needs. And that's those who have been with us for several years. Some for over ten years. A couple have nearly 20 years with us. What are their needs?  How do we reward their loyalty?

Several of them have met with upper management to talk about this. How does TLC reward or care for those who plan to stay with the program from now on?

They're a diverse group. They range from their forties into their late sixties.

And because this is a diverse group their needs are different. Some get social security. Others have children under five years old.

And who gets included? Only those who work for TLC?  Or do we include other clients who have spent years with us?

These are not easy questions to answer. Ultimately the answers are going to come from the clients themselves.

One option is to provide housing outside TLC, which a few already have. How do we do that for all of them? Do we provide financing? Do we built a commune ? An apartment complex?

What about care for those who can no longer work? Do we create assisted living?

Do we start a separate for profit company and let the long term employees share profits?

These are some of the questions that we must answer before we move forward.

There will be more information on this in months ahead as we get input from everyone and work out a plan.

Click here to email John

Reason to Celebrate

Today we celebrate our country's 1776 declaration of independence from England - an important day.

And we addicts have a double reason to celebrate. Because those who are sober today know on a gut level what real independence means.

No longer do we depend on substances to feel normal. Today we don't have a bottle of alcohol in our home or car. We don't need a few drinks before a social gathering. We no longer awake in the middle of the night and drink to pass out again.

If we used other substances we're not caught in the perpetual cycle of stealing, begging, hustling, or dealing drugs to support our habit.

We can visit our families and not have to explain our appearance or our behavior.

We have thrown off our addiction; the weight of the world is off our shoulders.

For me that's true independence.

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A Mother's Email

I received this email yesterday from a client's mother and thought these excerpts were worth sharing. Names have been left out to protect anonymity.

"I've written one other time and wanted to respond to the July 2nd blog post. 

I read them all and I think TLC is amazing. You get it right. I get texts from my daughter and she is using language like "earning privileges" and "taking more responsibility". EXACTLY what she has needed to do her entire adult life.

Up to June 7 she was very much a 16 year old trapped in a 32 year old life. And I think she went off to TLC with the attitude of "doing her time". In just a few weeks EVERYTHING has changed. She texts about knowing her triggers and recognizing her anger and changing her responses.

Most importantly, she has found community - loving, accepting community. Not without its expectations for sure. But she is learning something she has so needed to learn for a long long time. She is learning how to be in relationships. She is learning about integrity. And she has a routine that keeps her engaged all day every day in purposeful, meaningful work. She is making a contribution and she seems to feel valued and appreciated.

In one of her first texts she asked me to send snacks because the food was "prison slop". I texted back that if she was unhappy she should volunteer to help in the kitchen. Today, she is head chef supervising 2 others and preparing 3 meals a day for 62 people.

I'm so proud of her for finally seeing her worth and putting her vast intelligence and creativity to productive use in the TLC community. I so hope she puts down roots and stays in Mesa because I don't think there's anything close to what she has there in NH.

Your structure and process is perfect for the addictive personality. I see such changes in her every time I hear from her. So, from one very satisfied family member, THANK YOU for everything you are doing to give addicts a road map to a happy life. It's a huge relief that my daughter is opening herself to a life of sobriety. I know it's a challenging road ahead for her and there may be lapses but she is gaining strengths and insights that will carry her through the hard times and for that I am grateful.

The other thing I appreciate is that she is the responsible party here. For too long I have stepped in and paid the consequences, fines, etc. for her actions believing each time was the last time. I am grateful that she is being held fully accountable and I can be a supportive bystander cheering her on.

I just wanted you to know all the things I appreciate about TLC and all you have done to create a model that really works."

This mother describes perfectly what TLC is about.  We're grateful that she took the time to write this.

Click here to email John

Helping our Addict

If there's an addict in our life we need to figure out the best way to help.

Many parents I talk to focus on themselves. They often suffer from guilt. From grief. Sometimes shock. Many are in serious distress.

The sweet child they brought home from the delivery room has morphed into an addict or alcoholic. Progressed from baby pictures to mug shots. And it seems like overnight.

And there's a lot of handwringing.

"What did I do wrong?"

"Maybe I shouldn't have gotten divorced."

"Maybe I was too strict."

"Maybe I was too permissive."

The monologue takes up all their headspace and they don't know what to do. 

At this point how we raised our kids makes little difference. It's history. Maybe something the parent and a therapist can hash out.

The real issue is that there's an addict in your house. In essence, if you're supporting him or her, then your feeding their habit.

So what to do? Give an ultimatum. The ultimatum is to get into some kind of recovery program. Either treatment or a halfway house.

And put a time limit on it. Right now. Tomorrow. Three days. Whatever it is, stick with it or else you'll feel even worse.

Will my addict still love me for making them get clean? Probably not at first first. At first you'll be a bitch or a lot of mofos. 

But my experience is that once an addict achieves recovery they have nothing but gratitude for those who helped them.

Click here to email John

People Complain

A caller from out state wondered why TLC isn't a member of the Better Business Bureau.

His daughter is coming here. And he - understandably - wanted to be sure she was coming to a reputable place.

So I explained why we weren't a BBB member - which we were at one time.

For one thing it costs money. And it takes time to keep up with their paperwork. When someone makes a complaint a staff member must answer it.

The other part is that our business gets a lot of complaints. Addicts who relapse or who refuse to pay the $110 a week service fee aren't happy when they have to leave. They had the idea they could use drugs, live here free, and not work.

So after they leave they complain about the food. Or the housing. Or the fact that they had to work, go to meetings and find a sponsor. Or the idea they'd have a roommate - or even two roommates. They thought we were just another place to hang out.

And they go to anyone they hope will listen. The County. The City. The State. One former unhappy client even went to the State Legislature to try to close us down. We're still here and last I heard he was, sadly, still drinking.

Anyone who's interested in how we operate can call me and I'll help them.

They can also talk to the Arizona Board of Behavioral Health licensing, which monitors our treatment program.  (The out of state caller talked to them and got a good report.)

Another resource is Maricopa County Environmental Services. They inspect and license our commercial kitchens. They also monitor our pest control.

We also are licensed in the cities that require a license.

Click here to email John