"Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life—and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you." Eckhart Tolle
Surrender is another word for acceptance. And acceptance is a big deal to us in recovery.
Clients come to us because they have a problem with drugs or alcohol. Or both.
And after a period of sobriety things start getting better. But many, because they're in a recovery program, still feel as if they're broken. As if something's wrong with them. And sometimes they look to us to be the repairman, someone who can fix them.
But reality is that we can't fix anyone. We don't have that kind of power. What we can do, if they're open, is to teach them to look at the good and the positive within. To help them accept that we're all human. That we're all flawed in some respect. That we all have challenges of some kind.
The idea of completely surrendering to who and what we are can sometimes help us come to terms with ourselves.
To live sober we must accept that we have an addiction. And accept that life is sometimes a painful proposition that doesn't always go our way. If we can surrender to those two things then we have a chance to live differently - without covering our pain with substances.
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Mama Drama
Yesterday a mother wrote with a complaint. It seems that her son disappeared from a TLC halfway house around New Year's. And he left his personal belongings behind.
The mother called later and said she'd be down in "a day or two" to collect his things.
However, when she showed up, she seemed angry. One thing that upset her was that we'd removed his clothing and shoes from the locker he used while with us. She thought we should have left them there until she had time to pick them up. Apparently she didn't think about anyone needing that locker space.
She gave the manager a hard time, then left with her son's things. But then called five minutes later and said that many items were missing. Among them, two pair of Nikes worth $300.00 and several brand new hygiene items. This, in spite of the fact that when she left his Nikes were on top of the bag she carried to her car.
Besides complaining about the clothes, she also said we racially discriminate. She said we put "men of color" in our shabbier houses and let the whites stay in the nice houses.
She was so angry that she said she's going to contact everyone she possibly can. Clear up to the governor's office.
There was a time when complaints like hers would upset me. But I've come to realize that being the parent of an addict is stressful. And sometimes parents take their frustration out on those who are trying to help.
Hopefully her son will one day get into recovery and she won’t have to get involved in this kind of drama.
Click here to email John
The mother called later and said she'd be down in "a day or two" to collect his things.
However, when she showed up, she seemed angry. One thing that upset her was that we'd removed his clothing and shoes from the locker he used while with us. She thought we should have left them there until she had time to pick them up. Apparently she didn't think about anyone needing that locker space.
She gave the manager a hard time, then left with her son's things. But then called five minutes later and said that many items were missing. Among them, two pair of Nikes worth $300.00 and several brand new hygiene items. This, in spite of the fact that when she left his Nikes were on top of the bag she carried to her car.
Besides complaining about the clothes, she also said we racially discriminate. She said we put "men of color" in our shabbier houses and let the whites stay in the nice houses.
She was so angry that she said she's going to contact everyone she possibly can. Clear up to the governor's office.
There was a time when complaints like hers would upset me. But I've come to realize that being the parent of an addict is stressful. And sometimes parents take their frustration out on those who are trying to help.
Hopefully her son will one day get into recovery and she won’t have to get involved in this kind of drama.
Click here to email John
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
A healthy Life
Many of our clients think that because they get clean and sober they're leading a healthy life.
After all they've quit drinking. They no longer smoke or shoot their drug of choice. They've quit staying up all night. They're eating regular meals. What more could the world ask?
Most of us got sober to stop the pain. To get the stress and anxiety out of our lives. To quit going to jail. To get off the streets. To get our families off our back. Once we do that we're pretty okay.
But many, particular those no longer in their twenties, carry scars. They've contracted hepatitis C or developed other health problems. Some smoke incessantly. Their immune systems are fragile from years of abuse. They don't exercise or eat right.
Soon this poor lifestyle catches up with them. Some clients gain 30 or 40 pounds. Others develop emphysema or high blood pressure.
My counsel is to do everything possible to stay healthy. To enjoy the benefits and blessings of sober living - to the fullest.
We should treat our bodies as the temple of the spirit. We've been given a second chance. And we should do what we can to enjoy the rest of our lives.
After all they've quit drinking. They no longer smoke or shoot their drug of choice. They've quit staying up all night. They're eating regular meals. What more could the world ask?
Most of us got sober to stop the pain. To get the stress and anxiety out of our lives. To quit going to jail. To get off the streets. To get our families off our back. Once we do that we're pretty okay.
But many, particular those no longer in their twenties, carry scars. They've contracted hepatitis C or developed other health problems. Some smoke incessantly. Their immune systems are fragile from years of abuse. They don't exercise or eat right.
Soon this poor lifestyle catches up with them. Some clients gain 30 or 40 pounds. Others develop emphysema or high blood pressure.
My counsel is to do everything possible to stay healthy. To enjoy the benefits and blessings of sober living - to the fullest.
We should treat our bodies as the temple of the spirit. We've been given a second chance. And we should do what we can to enjoy the rest of our lives.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Staying Sober
To succeed in the 12 step programs we need to do only one thing perfectly. And that is to not use alcohol or drugs. At its most fundamental it's defined as staying clean and sober. And we start by taking the first step.
But to enjoy the real fruits of the program we must do more.
For example, as we work the fourth step we look deeply into ourselves. We put our behavior under a microscope. We discover where we did harm. Where we were selfish and self centered. How we were responsible for the calamities we blamed on others.
This step can be challenging. It's one where many newcomers stumble because it's painful to look at ourselves. But if they get through this one and the next they have a new perspective.
The remainder of the steps take us yet deeper into knowing ourselves. That's when we start experiencing the bliss of serenity and peace.
But as long as we live we don't achieve perfection. The closest we come is that we learn to enjoy our journey along the path of recovery.
Click here to email John
But to enjoy the real fruits of the program we must do more.
For example, as we work the fourth step we look deeply into ourselves. We put our behavior under a microscope. We discover where we did harm. Where we were selfish and self centered. How we were responsible for the calamities we blamed on others.
This step can be challenging. It's one where many newcomers stumble because it's painful to look at ourselves. But if they get through this one and the next they have a new perspective.
The remainder of the steps take us yet deeper into knowing ourselves. That's when we start experiencing the bliss of serenity and peace.
But as long as we live we don't achieve perfection. The closest we come is that we learn to enjoy our journey along the path of recovery.
Click here to email John
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Our busy Minds
"I've been through many terrible things in my life. And some of them really happened." Mark Twain, American humorist
This is one of my favorite sayings because it illustrates that most of the bad things in life occur in our minds.
We spend countless hours worrying about the future. Or fretting about the past.
"I think I might lose my job."
"This pain in my stomach might be cancer."
"No one loves or appreciates me."
"If I'd have been a better parent my child wouldn't be an addict."
Random thoughts bounce around our brains all day. They make us unhappy. We let them overwhelm us with sadness or depression or anxiety.
Yet, most of the thoughts that pop into our heads are meaningless chatter bubbling from our subconscious mind. But we act as if they're real. That they mean something. That they have substance and we should do something about them.
There's an easy way to deal with the narrative stream running through our minds. As thoughts pop up we recognize them as just thoughts. We don't judge them - or ourselves. Instead we accept them and let them pass.
One way to deal with our busy mind is to engage in meditation. And that's because a regular meditation practice teaches us to look at our thought stream as part of the human experience. We learn to accept what we see, non-judgmentally, and let it pass.
For a free meditation resource click here
This is one of my favorite sayings because it illustrates that most of the bad things in life occur in our minds.
We spend countless hours worrying about the future. Or fretting about the past.
"I think I might lose my job."
"This pain in my stomach might be cancer."
"No one loves or appreciates me."
"If I'd have been a better parent my child wouldn't be an addict."
Random thoughts bounce around our brains all day. They make us unhappy. We let them overwhelm us with sadness or depression or anxiety.
Yet, most of the thoughts that pop into our heads are meaningless chatter bubbling from our subconscious mind. But we act as if they're real. That they mean something. That they have substance and we should do something about them.
There's an easy way to deal with the narrative stream running through our minds. As thoughts pop up we recognize them as just thoughts. We don't judge them - or ourselves. Instead we accept them and let them pass.
One way to deal with our busy mind is to engage in meditation. And that's because a regular meditation practice teaches us to look at our thought stream as part of the human experience. We learn to accept what we see, non-judgmentally, and let it pass.
For a free meditation resource click here
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Getting Messages
I received a lot of happy New Year's messages yesterday. In fact, it took a little while to answer them all.
25 years ago today no one told me happy new year. No one wished me happy anything. At least, if they did I wasn't aware of it.
And that's because I was in the middle of an alcoholic drug using binge. No one wanted to hear from me – including my family.
I think I only had one phone number. She didn't want to hear from me either.
Major events in our lives can make a huge difference. Birth of a child. Marriage. Going away to the military. Or to college. Those are big events in our lives. Mine wasn't so elevated or noble.
The biggest event of my life was when I got sober.
Everything that's good in my life today stems from the moment I admitted I was an alcoholic. From that day on things have gotten better and better. I'd never have dreamed I'd have the life I do today.
And it wasn't that I had a spiritual awakening that made me get sober. My life had become a miserable mess. My only choice seemed to be recovery - or death.
And you know the choice I made because I'm here to write about it.
Click here to email John
25 years ago today no one told me happy new year. No one wished me happy anything. At least, if they did I wasn't aware of it.
And that's because I was in the middle of an alcoholic drug using binge. No one wanted to hear from me – including my family.
I think I only had one phone number. She didn't want to hear from me either.
Major events in our lives can make a huge difference. Birth of a child. Marriage. Going away to the military. Or to college. Those are big events in our lives. Mine wasn't so elevated or noble.
The biggest event of my life was when I got sober.
Everything that's good in my life today stems from the moment I admitted I was an alcoholic. From that day on things have gotten better and better. I'd never have dreamed I'd have the life I do today.
And it wasn't that I had a spiritual awakening that made me get sober. My life had become a miserable mess. My only choice seemed to be recovery - or death.
And you know the choice I made because I'm here to write about it.
Click here to email John
Friday, January 1, 2016
Happy Right Now
So if you're reading this it's now 2016. And this is the point where it's customary to say Happy New Year. So here it is: Happy New Year.
Those of you who read this blog might find this kind of flat, coming from me. I'm always upbeat and positive. Almost always.
But the reason I open this way is not because I'm negative. I'm making a point. And it's about having a happy right now. Being happy in this moment. Not the next day, hour, month or year.
At one time I lived life as if right around the next corner I'd be happy. Over the next hill I'd find the rainbow of happiness. Somewhere down the the road.
It was the next job. Or car. Or house. Or relationship. Or bag of dope. Something new and novel - that would bring happiness. The next thing was where it was at. Right now was never okay. That's why I soaked my brain in alcohol and drugs because I didn't like where I was at the moment.
Now I think differently. Right now is not always a bed of roses. But right now is what we have and I've learned to be grateful for it.
Today I make every effort to stay on the path and enjoy the journey. Whether the journey is smooth, or whether it's bumpy.
That way I don't miss life.
Those of you who read this blog might find this kind of flat, coming from me. I'm always upbeat and positive. Almost always.
But the reason I open this way is not because I'm negative. I'm making a point. And it's about having a happy right now. Being happy in this moment. Not the next day, hour, month or year.
At one time I lived life as if right around the next corner I'd be happy. Over the next hill I'd find the rainbow of happiness. Somewhere down the the road.
It was the next job. Or car. Or house. Or relationship. Or bag of dope. Something new and novel - that would bring happiness. The next thing was where it was at. Right now was never okay. That's why I soaked my brain in alcohol and drugs because I didn't like where I was at the moment.
Now I think differently. Right now is not always a bed of roses. But right now is what we have and I've learned to be grateful for it.
Today I make every effort to stay on the path and enjoy the journey. Whether the journey is smooth, or whether it's bumpy.
That way I don't miss life.
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