Confidentiality can be an issue in our program. People call our corporate office to find friends, spouses, or family members.
Our instructions to employees are to never reveal information about a client. When a caller asks whether someone is in our program we tell them we can’t confirm if they're there. If they want to leave a message for the person that‘s fine. If they are at TLC we'll give them the message.
The exception is if a law enforcement officer, probation or parole officer, call. Then our instructions are to take the person's number and return the call.
While TLC is a peer counseling program, not a professional treatment program, we still adhere to Federal confidentiality guidelines. The purpose of confidentiality is to protect clients. We protect those who don't want others to know they’re in recovery or that they have an addiction or substance abuse problem. Even though those of us who've been in recovery for a long time might not care who knows of our past, not everyone shares our view.
A few days ago we had to terminate a relatively new employee because she took information outside the office. The information involved married clients who lived in our program in different cities. When one client was discharged our employee informed the spouse. When the client heard of his wife’s departure he didn't come home either. As far as we know they’re now using together because the first client was discharged because of a dirty drug test.
Our mission at TLC is to help recovering substance abusers rebuild their lives. That mission also includes keeping them out of harm's way. What this employee did, by informing the spouse about the other's departure, was to put the sober one in danger of relapsing - and perhaps dying.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
"I've wanted to meet you for a long time," the businessman told me. "Your organization has an excellent reputation in the community. You've helped change a lot of lives."
He went on giving compliments for so long that it became almost uncomfortable. For some reason it's easier to hear criticism of - rather than good things about - our organization. Yet, I know the positive things he said were well-deserved. He's worked for years with people in recovery and has himself been sober for over 25 years. His experience in the recovery community has brought him into contact with many of our clients. In fact, some them are rehabilitating properties this man manages.
It is refreshing when those in the community appreciate what we do, especially against the backdrop of our history. Over the years a lot of energy has gone to defending our work in the community. Often government entities - and those who don't have problems with addiction - spend time attacking us. They somehow think we’re the problem, as opposed to being part of the solution. At the moment we're involved in negotiations with state government in Nevada because their laws require more oversight of recovering people than do the laws of Arizona.
In 1998 we were involved in a Federal lawsuit against the city of Mesa, Arizona that lasted five years. It began after the City Council passed laws banning TLC from operating in the downtown overlay, along with other laws that would have closed us down. The case wound through Federal courts for some five years. In 2003 it was settled, and the city paid a third of our legal fees and changed three laws. However, it was a Pyrrhic victory, one that cost a lot of money and psychic energy. In these kind of situations it never feels like we win.
So when we encounter business people in the community who appreciate what we do to help alcoholics and addicts change their lives we're grateful.
He went on giving compliments for so long that it became almost uncomfortable. For some reason it's easier to hear criticism of - rather than good things about - our organization. Yet, I know the positive things he said were well-deserved. He's worked for years with people in recovery and has himself been sober for over 25 years. His experience in the recovery community has brought him into contact with many of our clients. In fact, some them are rehabilitating properties this man manages.
It is refreshing when those in the community appreciate what we do, especially against the backdrop of our history. Over the years a lot of energy has gone to defending our work in the community. Often government entities - and those who don't have problems with addiction - spend time attacking us. They somehow think we’re the problem, as opposed to being part of the solution. At the moment we're involved in negotiations with state government in Nevada because their laws require more oversight of recovering people than do the laws of Arizona.
In 1998 we were involved in a Federal lawsuit against the city of Mesa, Arizona that lasted five years. It began after the City Council passed laws banning TLC from operating in the downtown overlay, along with other laws that would have closed us down. The case wound through Federal courts for some five years. In 2003 it was settled, and the city paid a third of our legal fees and changed three laws. However, it was a Pyrrhic victory, one that cost a lot of money and psychic energy. In these kind of situations it never feels like we win.
So when we encounter business people in the community who appreciate what we do to help alcoholics and addicts change their lives we're grateful.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
A famous sitcom star is in the news again. This time because he went too far. During a radio interview he denounced his producers, 12 step programs, and rambled on about other topics. Everyone knew it was only a matter of time before he encountered more problems and created more titillating news. And yesterday the producers announced they were suspending production.
His journey, which has been displayed in the media several times in the last few years, has led him to where addiction and alcoholism eventually leads us all. It doesn't make much difference how famous we are, how much money we have, or how much we think we're above the rules. Eventually, if a person is a real addict or alcoholic, the disease leads to either death, jail, or on the path to recovery.
The difference between me and this man is that he has talent, wealth, and is a household name. If I'd had this man's money I would've gotten into the same kind of trouble or more because I'm so greedy. As soon as I'd possessed the amount of drugs this man reportedly had I likely would've overdosed. Or else I would have been arrested with the drugs and incarcerated. In doesn't make a lot of difference how much money we have or how famous we are. Eventually drugs and alcohol will destroy us – or else lead us to recovery.
In my case I tried over and over again to drink and use like social users. But because I'm a serious alcoholic and drug addict it never worked. It took one more bout of me losing everything again, at the age of 51, to lead me to the rooms of recovery. And I've had a blessed and rich life ever since.
I only hope this man realizes he has a problem with drugs and alcohol. No amount of arrogance or money will overcome that fact. As it says in the literature, science may one day be able to allow an addict or alcoholic to indulge like other people. But it hasn't done so yet.
His journey, which has been displayed in the media several times in the last few years, has led him to where addiction and alcoholism eventually leads us all. It doesn't make much difference how famous we are, how much money we have, or how much we think we're above the rules. Eventually, if a person is a real addict or alcoholic, the disease leads to either death, jail, or on the path to recovery.
The difference between me and this man is that he has talent, wealth, and is a household name. If I'd had this man's money I would've gotten into the same kind of trouble or more because I'm so greedy. As soon as I'd possessed the amount of drugs this man reportedly had I likely would've overdosed. Or else I would have been arrested with the drugs and incarcerated. In doesn't make a lot of difference how much money we have or how famous we are. Eventually drugs and alcohol will destroy us – or else lead us to recovery.
In my case I tried over and over again to drink and use like social users. But because I'm a serious alcoholic and drug addict it never worked. It took one more bout of me losing everything again, at the age of 51, to lead me to the rooms of recovery. And I've had a blessed and rich life ever since.
I only hope this man realizes he has a problem with drugs and alcohol. No amount of arrogance or money will overcome that fact. As it says in the literature, science may one day be able to allow an addict or alcoholic to indulge like other people. But it hasn't done so yet.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Yesterday I visited one of our job sites and had the privilege of seeing recovery in action. The TLC maintenance crew was rehabilitating eight units TLC owns on Ninth Avenue in Phoenix. The 75-year-old units were in the last stages of their life when TLC acquired them. Because we couldn't afford to pay for an empty lot, and had the material and manpower, we decided to remodel the units.
All of the sheet rock, cabinets, and flooring were replaced. When I made my visit yesterday the crew was finishing up the last two units. The job is expected to be wrapped up within 30 days.
This crew didn't know I was coming so it was refreshing to drive up and see them all busily at work. The project didn't appear to be different from any other building project in the city. The only difference was the people doing the work. Of the nine man crew, probably half of them had been in prison more than once. The rest had been either homeless or jobless for many years. The crew supervisor spent four years in prison on his last term, and has been with TLC nearly three years.
When I arrived at the site he asked me if I'd like to see what they were doing. Of course I did. He took me from apartment to apartment showing me the details. He was proud - and had a right to be. The work is of a quality that would surpass anyone's expectations -particularly for a project of that vintage.
The most rewarding aspect of my job is witnessing changes in people's lives. When I see former thieves and addicts - men no one expected to change - producing productive work, I can't help but be proud. Even though the motivation comes from them, at one point I helped create the structure in which they work. In fact, when people give me a lot of credit for what TLC does I always mention the fact that we only provide the structure. The clients provide the work and motivation to change.
So when I see what these men are doing with their lives, creating projects that will help others stay sober, I'm very grateful for what God has put before me today.
All of the sheet rock, cabinets, and flooring were replaced. When I made my visit yesterday the crew was finishing up the last two units. The job is expected to be wrapped up within 30 days.
This crew didn't know I was coming so it was refreshing to drive up and see them all busily at work. The project didn't appear to be different from any other building project in the city. The only difference was the people doing the work. Of the nine man crew, probably half of them had been in prison more than once. The rest had been either homeless or jobless for many years. The crew supervisor spent four years in prison on his last term, and has been with TLC nearly three years.
When I arrived at the site he asked me if I'd like to see what they were doing. Of course I did. He took me from apartment to apartment showing me the details. He was proud - and had a right to be. The work is of a quality that would surpass anyone's expectations -particularly for a project of that vintage.
The most rewarding aspect of my job is witnessing changes in people's lives. When I see former thieves and addicts - men no one expected to change - producing productive work, I can't help but be proud. Even though the motivation comes from them, at one point I helped create the structure in which they work. In fact, when people give me a lot of credit for what TLC does I always mention the fact that we only provide the structure. The clients provide the work and motivation to change.
So when I see what these men are doing with their lives, creating projects that will help others stay sober, I'm very grateful for what God has put before me today.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
A man called our corporate office a while back, looking for his wife. He said he'd "lost track of her" and desperately wanted to find her. Our instructions to our staff are to never reveal whether a client is in our program. We neither confirm, nor deny, their presence. We always tell the caller federal confidentiality laws require us to protect the identity of our clients.
Without making assumptions, my belief is that alcoholics and addicts never lose their loved ones anyway. Their loved ones lose them. After a while, in spite of the intensity of their love for the person, alcohol and drugs get in the way.
Our loved ones eventually get away from us because they learn they can do nothing to help us. In many cases, when people start separating themselves, we begin to realize we have a serious problem. For years many of our clients have gone on and on using drugs and alcohol and abusing the people in their lives by asking them for help and money. It can be bail money to get out of jail. Or it can be money for drugs. Or it can be the loan of an automobile. Or money for utilities. There's always some dramatic reason why an alcoholic or addict needs help. But it's usually centered around the fact that the addict needs one more rock, or the alcoholic needs another drink to stave off the shakes.
While it might seem counterintuitive, usually this is when our clients realize other people might not be the problem. Many of our clients blame the world, their parents, the justice system, or any combination of the above for their problems. No one understands them. No one realizes the pain they are in. The world doesn't know how to party like they do. But once they're without the support system they've enjoyed since young, they start looking at themselves. When they are alone and abandoned, only then do many of them realize that their problems probably come from within.
It happened to me over 20 years ago. Once I recognized I was responsible for my problems life began to change. And all the people who had pushed me from their lives eventually came back.
Without making assumptions, my belief is that alcoholics and addicts never lose their loved ones anyway. Their loved ones lose them. After a while, in spite of the intensity of their love for the person, alcohol and drugs get in the way.
Our loved ones eventually get away from us because they learn they can do nothing to help us. In many cases, when people start separating themselves, we begin to realize we have a serious problem. For years many of our clients have gone on and on using drugs and alcohol and abusing the people in their lives by asking them for help and money. It can be bail money to get out of jail. Or it can be money for drugs. Or it can be the loan of an automobile. Or money for utilities. There's always some dramatic reason why an alcoholic or addict needs help. But it's usually centered around the fact that the addict needs one more rock, or the alcoholic needs another drink to stave off the shakes.
While it might seem counterintuitive, usually this is when our clients realize other people might not be the problem. Many of our clients blame the world, their parents, the justice system, or any combination of the above for their problems. No one understands them. No one realizes the pain they are in. The world doesn't know how to party like they do. But once they're without the support system they've enjoyed since young, they start looking at themselves. When they are alone and abandoned, only then do many of them realize that their problems probably come from within.
It happened to me over 20 years ago. Once I recognized I was responsible for my problems life began to change. And all the people who had pushed me from their lives eventually came back.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
In aftercare last night a client talked about how his anger almost got out of control. He said he was so mad that he wanted to physically attack the man with whom he was angry. He was surprised he had nearly reverted to behavior he had engaged in while he was drinking. And what made the problem even worse was that the man was his supervisor at work.
Since the topic of the group was "anger," the discussion segued into why the man had experienced such a sudden, and near violent, eruption of emotion. The consensus was that the client had been storing up small irritations and negative feelings about his supervisor. The outburst came after the supervisor remonstrated with the man about his behavior. And while the client agreed his behavior was out of line, he was surprised at the volatility of his response.
It was a great topic because it demonstrated how, when we don't deal with issues as they occur, our feelings can accumulate until the smallest issue might cause us to explode. Several group members brought out good examples of how they deal issues as they occur, rather than allowing them to build up. One or two of the group members demonstrated conversational gambits they would use when something bothers them.
"I hope I didn't do something to irritate you," one man used as an example phrase that helps him defuse a situation.
Another used the phrase, "I need to talk to you about something before this gets out of hand." And then he said he would tell the other person exactly how he felt in an inoffensive manner. He said, for him, in his work environment, this approach clears the air when issues arise. He said another benefit of this approach is the person with whom he is working realizes that whatever's going on, it can be discussed. The first man opened the door by letting his coworker know it's okay to talk - rather than warehouse feelings.
The group leader, who'd been sober for many years, said there never comes a point when we don't need good communication skills. He said - even after 20 years of sobriety - practicing positive and open communication is ongoing. It's the way we learn to walk through life that helps us deal with emotional garbage before it accumulates.
He suggested that we use the 10th step is a tool.
Since the topic of the group was "anger," the discussion segued into why the man had experienced such a sudden, and near violent, eruption of emotion. The consensus was that the client had been storing up small irritations and negative feelings about his supervisor. The outburst came after the supervisor remonstrated with the man about his behavior. And while the client agreed his behavior was out of line, he was surprised at the volatility of his response.
It was a great topic because it demonstrated how, when we don't deal with issues as they occur, our feelings can accumulate until the smallest issue might cause us to explode. Several group members brought out good examples of how they deal issues as they occur, rather than allowing them to build up. One or two of the group members demonstrated conversational gambits they would use when something bothers them.
"I hope I didn't do something to irritate you," one man used as an example phrase that helps him defuse a situation.
Another used the phrase, "I need to talk to you about something before this gets out of hand." And then he said he would tell the other person exactly how he felt in an inoffensive manner. He said, for him, in his work environment, this approach clears the air when issues arise. He said another benefit of this approach is the person with whom he is working realizes that whatever's going on, it can be discussed. The first man opened the door by letting his coworker know it's okay to talk - rather than warehouse feelings.
The group leader, who'd been sober for many years, said there never comes a point when we don't need good communication skills. He said - even after 20 years of sobriety - practicing positive and open communication is ongoing. It's the way we learn to walk through life that helps us deal with emotional garbage before it accumulates.
He suggested that we use the 10th step is a tool.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Because there is so much in the media about cruelty, violence, and negativity I'm always moved when I see acts of kindness.
I saw kindness yesterday when I left a restaurant behind two elderly people who needed help leaving. The woman supported herself on a walker, while the man was assisted by two young men on either side who were guiding him carefully through the restaurant and down the walkway.
As I walked behind them I could hear the man expressing embarrassment about having to be helped. One of the men helping him downplayed his comments, telling him there was “nothing to be embarrassed about.”
While I'm uncertain of the relationship between the parties, whether those helping were family, friends, or strangers, their behavior showed a love and concern that stayed with me.
Because kindness and good acts don't sell nearly as many newspapers or advertising spots as bad news it is refreshing to see the kindness I witnessed last night.
As someone in recovery who has seen much of the seamier side of life the beauty of kindness and love feeds my soul.
I saw kindness yesterday when I left a restaurant behind two elderly people who needed help leaving. The woman supported herself on a walker, while the man was assisted by two young men on either side who were guiding him carefully through the restaurant and down the walkway.
As I walked behind them I could hear the man expressing embarrassment about having to be helped. One of the men helping him downplayed his comments, telling him there was “nothing to be embarrassed about.”
While I'm uncertain of the relationship between the parties, whether those helping were family, friends, or strangers, their behavior showed a love and concern that stayed with me.
Because kindness and good acts don't sell nearly as many newspapers or advertising spots as bad news it is refreshing to see the kindness I witnessed last night.
As someone in recovery who has seen much of the seamier side of life the beauty of kindness and love feeds my soul.
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