A man called our corporate office a while back, looking for his wife. He said he'd "lost track of her" and desperately wanted to find her. Our instructions to our staff are to never reveal whether a client is in our program. We neither confirm, nor deny, their presence. We always tell the caller federal confidentiality laws require us to protect the identity of our clients.

Without making assumptions, my belief is that alcoholics and addicts never lose their loved ones anyway. Their loved ones lose them. After a while, in spite of the intensity of their love for the person, alcohol and drugs get in the way.

Our loved ones eventually get away from us because they learn they can do nothing to help us. In many cases, when people start separating themselves, we begin to realize we have a serious problem. For years many of our clients have gone on and on using drugs and alcohol and abusing the people in their lives by asking them for help and money. It can be bail money to get out of jail. Or it can be money for drugs. Or it can be the loan of an automobile. Or money for utilities. There's always some dramatic reason why an alcoholic or addict needs help. But it's usually centered around the fact that the addict needs one more rock, or the alcoholic needs another drink to stave off the shakes.

While it might seem counterintuitive, usually this is when our clients realize other people might not be the problem. Many of our clients blame the world, their parents, the justice system, or any combination of the above for their problems. No one understands them. No one realizes the pain they are in. The world doesn't know how to party like they do. But once they're without the support system they've enjoyed since young, they start looking at themselves. When they are alone and abandoned, only then do many of them realize that their problems probably come from within.

It happened to me over 20 years ago. Once I recognized I was responsible for my problems life began to change. And all the people who had pushed me from their lives eventually came back.