In aftercare last night a client talked about how his anger almost got out of control. He said he was so mad that he wanted to physically attack the man with whom he was angry. He was surprised he had nearly reverted to behavior he had engaged in while he was drinking. And what made the problem even worse was that the man was his supervisor at work.

Since the topic of the group was "anger," the discussion segued into why the man had experienced such a sudden, and near violent, eruption of emotion. The consensus was that the client had been storing up small irritations and negative feelings about his supervisor. The outburst came after the supervisor remonstrated with the man about his behavior. And while the client agreed his behavior was out of line, he was surprised at the volatility of his response.

It was a great topic because it demonstrated how, when we don't deal with issues as they occur, our feelings can accumulate until the smallest issue might cause us to explode. Several group members brought out good examples of how they deal issues as they occur, rather than allowing them to build up. One or two of the group members demonstrated conversational gambits they would use when something bothers them.

"I hope I didn't do something to irritate you," one man used as an example phrase that helps him defuse a situation.

Another used the phrase, "I need to talk to you about something before this gets out of hand." And then he said he would tell the other person exactly how he felt in an inoffensive manner. He said, for him, in his work environment, this approach clears the air when issues arise. He said another benefit of this approach is the person with whom he is working realizes that whatever's going on, it can be discussed. The first man opened the door by letting his coworker know it's okay to talk - rather than warehouse feelings.

The group leader, who'd been sober for many years, said there never comes a point when we don't need good communication skills. He said - even after 20 years of sobriety - practicing positive and open communication is ongoing. It's the way we learn to walk through life that helps us deal with emotional garbage before it accumulates.

He suggested that we use the 10th step is a tool.