The man sitting across from me was angry and frustrated. He came to my office to complain about a counselor he had employed to interview him for a possible return of his driver's license, which had been suspended after a DUI conviction and other driving offenses. He believed he had been treated unfairly by the man. He said that the counselor had taken his money, then would not recommend that his drivers license be reinstated. He thought the counselor should advocate that his license be returned simply because he had paid him a fee.

"The guy's a crook," he said angrily. "He asked me four or five questions, then said he couldn't recommend that my license be reinstated. He could've told me that before he took my money."

I listened patiently as he went on to tell me how his life had been "ruined" after he lost his license seven years earlier. He said that his lack of a license had cost him jobs, had ruined a relationship he'd been in and caused many inconveniences in his life. He further explained that his drug history was compiled because the "cops had it in for" him. He was very angry and felt that he had been victimized by the system. Finally, after letting him vent for a while, I asked him a question.

"Did you have a part in any of this?"

He looked at me curiously, not seeming to understand my question. I knew that he had come to my office expecting me to support him in his case against the man who had interviewed him. I believe he thought I would resolve his "problem" with the counselor.

However, I explained to him that the counselor's first responsibility is to protect the community when assessing a driver's potential for relapse. The counselor was not going to recommend that he get his driver's license reinstated unless he believed the client had established a period of sobriety.

His anger subsided a little, so I went on to point out that his life wasn't "ruined" simply because he didn't have a driver's license. I asked him to take a larger view of his life and look around him at others who have much less than he has. I also asked him to take a serious look at his part in the events that had brought him to this point in his life. He finally, somewhat reluctantly, accepted that he was an active participant in his problems.

This interview reminded me that many of us come into sobriety with the idea that we are victims. We have no sense of responsibility for our actions. We think everyone is out to get us. We got into financial trouble, or trouble with the law because of our addictions yet we blame the world.

Part of growing in sobriety is realizing that we are the authors of our own misery. Until we accept responsibility for our actions we will be unable to grow in sobriety.