Self-will and ego are very dangerous for us alcoholics and addicts . I was reminded of that again this week when a sponsee suddenly left the program. He was in a physical relationship with a woman who seemed to dominate his life. When he left he had no money, no job, and no place to live. Yet, he didn't let this reality deter him from making a bad decision.

Because I view the world mostly through my clouded lens of sobriety I pay attention when those around me stumble. What happened? Why did they all of a sudden give up what seemed to be a good situation? It often seems to be self-will and ego that propels them to make a bad decision. They are suddenly wandering in a minefield of their own making, where devastation is waiting at the next step. I pay attention to this because I want to stay sober. Those who stumble remind me of the importance of doing what I've been doing to stay drug and alcohol free for so many years.

In reflection, I recall that this sponsee seemed to spend a lot of time patching up his bruised ego. He had a perception that people were always out to get him. He thrived on drama. He didn't express his anger in a positive way.

I tried to share with this young man that it wasn't until I finally surrendered my self-will that life got better. When I entered a detoxification program 20 years ago I was totally demoralized. I had no money, no job, no friends, and no idea how I was going to make it in life. My ego and self-esteem were shattered. I had been beaten into a state of ruin where God could work with me. I was fertile soil for the seeds of recovery. Life had demonstrated that my way of dealing with the world no longer worked. Drugs and alcohol had cost me everything.

I finally surrendered my ego and self will. I was was listening to others. I needed no further evidence that my life did not work. My bad decisions had beaten me down to a point where I discovered a small amount of humility. That was enough to let me listen to others and to find out what worked for them. And I was trying to share this experience with my sponsee so he wouldn't have to go back out and learn it first hand. But, it didn't work. One thing that did work though is that I stayed sober.

I just pray that he makes it back so he can enjoy the beauty and freedom that sober living brings us.