A subtle form of denial among newcomers is a focus on what they “need.”
They’ll be okay if they get a job. Clothes. A little money in their pocket. Maybe a chance to go out to dinner. Or take in a movie. A visit with their girlfriend. The “needs” go on and on.
And, to anyone listening, these so-called needs seem reasonable and understandable. Who could argue with someone enjoying what any ordinary citizen has? That’s good stuff. Right?
But – in over twenty years of working with addicts – I’ve found that a focus on the external and superficial is a predictor of failure.
Of course we must support ourselves with a job if we don’t have an income. And certainly a relationship with our family is important and necessary.
But most of us addicts had these things we think we need. But did they keep us sober and clean? You know the answer without me being boringly redundant.
The only thing we need to remain sober and change our lives is to focus on recovery. Jobs, money, family – in the short term these are irrelevant if recovery isn’t the priority.
And, to anyone listening, these so-called needs seem reasonable and understandable. Who could argue with someone enjoying what any ordinary citizen has? That’s good stuff. Right?
But – in over twenty years of working with addicts – I’ve found that a focus on the external and superficial is a predictor of failure.
Of course we must support ourselves with a job if we don’t have an income. And certainly a relationship with our family is important and necessary.
But most of us addicts had these things we think we need. But did they keep us sober and clean? You know the answer without me being boringly redundant.
The only thing we need to remain sober and change our lives is to focus on recovery. Jobs, money, family – in the short term these are irrelevant if recovery isn’t the priority.
Most of us have had these things, only to see them destroyed by our disease.
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