I was talking today with a man who's been sober fewer than five years. And in that time he's been in a couple of relationships, one of them pretty hard on him emotionally. And the one that was hard on him emotionally started when he was in the early days of recovery when he met a gorgeous woman who was still drinking.
In spite of that red flag, he pursued her. And she misused him for some time before he finally escaped. His sobriety was intact, though his serenity was shattered.
And while he didn't relapse, he was stressed out emotionally for some time. He had a fixation on her that wasn't healthy for either of them. Finally, after several discussions with his mentors he quit trying to get back with her.
And now he's in a relationship that seems healthier. He's taking his time and not rushing. She's also in recovery and has a few years more than he does of living sober.
He talks very realistically about the relationship. He hasn't purchased cemetery plots. He's not shopping for long-term healthcare insurance. He hasn't put a down payment on a wedding ring.
Instead he spending more time thinking about their common values. He's paying attention to how she relates to the others in her life, how she treats them, because he believes that's a window into who she really is.
With this new approach he may have better luck at developing a long-term relationship.
And while he didn't relapse, he was stressed out emotionally for some time. He had a fixation on her that wasn't healthy for either of them. Finally, after several discussions with his mentors he quit trying to get back with her.
And now he's in a relationship that seems healthier. He's taking his time and not rushing. She's also in recovery and has a few years more than he does of living sober.
He talks very realistically about the relationship. He hasn't purchased cemetery plots. He's not shopping for long-term healthcare insurance. He hasn't put a down payment on a wedding ring.
Instead he spending more time thinking about their common values. He's paying attention to how she relates to the others in her life, how she treats them, because he believes that's a window into who she really is.
With this new approach he may have better luck at developing a long-term relationship.
