Today I was driving out of my neighborhood and noticed some expensive tools sitting in front of a house, unattended.
And immediately the thought flashed through my mind that they would be easy to steal.
Now I haven't stolen anything other than a few ideas since 1991, when I entered recovery. And there's nothing I want or need that I can't buy.
But 95% of an addict's life is raising money. And when I was using over a 38 year span I was a predatory animal. I was constantly on the lookout for valuables to convert to cash. For money to stop the craving and anxiety that came with withdrawal.
Recovery has removed the craving. But it hasn't erased the old neural pathways carved into my brain during those years.
They're still there, maybe a little rusty from lack of use. But still there. Like when I automatically notice something to steal.
It reminds me of the challenges we addicts and alcoholics face in new recovery. It's not easy to overcome the habitual responses ingrained within us. That's why so many relapse.
Yet persistence and hanging out with other sober people can show us the way. And help us to change our thinking.
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