And this is not to excuse our clients from their addictions. No matter where or when we started using we are ultimately responsible for our recovery. Our sobriety.
But yesterday I got this email from a frustrated father. I don't know his name. But I'm still leaving a few things out to protect his anonymity.
He wrote: "John that's a great message you have for parents. We are the great enablers for our children. Including me as a father who is a recovering alcoholic. Thirty years fighting this disease - now 10 years sober. But I find myself on edge all the time with my wife supporting him. And I do little, just watch him go into the bliss of addiction. With all my knowledge on this subject, sometimes I feel like a total failure. Thanks for sharing."
At least this man recognizes his part. And also seems to realize that he's powerless to be of much help at this point, given the family dynamics.
The most difficult clients to deal with are those whose parents didn't take a strong position with them. They might have let them live at home while using. They might have feared the kid wouldn't love them if they tried to stop him from using. Fear keeps a lot of parents from intervening. Some go all their lives supporting a child's addiction because they don't know how to help.
But let me tell you: I never stopped using until everyone - including my dear mother - cut ties with me and would no longer help. At first I was furious. But today, I can't thank her enough for having the courage to throw me out.
It changed my life. And I'm proud that she could see me three years sober before she passed in 1994.
