Like a lightening bolt out of a clear sky, trauma and loss sometimes strike an addict's life.
And what's there to do when we encounter sudden loss? One minute life is flowing smoothly. Then out of the blue everything's upside down. All of a sudden it's raw emotion because of 30 seconds of insanity and violence. The brain constantly revisits the situation as if the script could be re-written or somehow edited. As if time could be rolled back and a different outcome created.
So how do we wrap our brains around serious loss? We could get high. Cover the pain with drugs or alcohol. Or we can use the tools we've picked up during our recovery so we can heal.
And fortunately I have tools that I'm able to use after I went through trauma late last month. I have friends and associates who listen to my pain and give me encouragement. I have phone conversations with my children. I have a sponsor and others in the 12-step programs to lean on. I'm blessed to be in a circle of loving people. Their kindness and good wishes are like a salve to my spirit when I'm down.
As time passes I know my emotional wounds will heal. The nature of the universe is for us to heal.
Yet during this process, the subconscious sends memories of good years shared with the person I lost. The subconscious works hard with rationalizing. Trying to figure out an answer to a conundrum, a situation with no acceptable solution.
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