We often deal with clients who are unhappy with themselves. And they are often so unhappy that they end up in our treatment clinic or our sober living program because drugs and or alcohol have taken over their lives.
Many of them spend a lot of time ruminating over what happened. And, indeed, some of them have had experiences that are difficult to live with. Often they've been abused, neglected, or assaulted. Or, on the other end of the spectrum – completely enabled and allowed to do whatever they wanted because their parents wanted to be "friends" with them in place of teaching them good values.
Whatever the case, my approach is to suggest that they attempt to live in the moment. To be in this moment, because that's all we really have, is this small slice of time. Our excavations into our past wreckage usually yield us nothing but more suffering, more self-condemnation. And all of our anxious looking into the future, wondering what will be, is also pointless.
So does that mean that we never look back? Of course not. We can look back to celebrate the things we succeeded at. We can enjoy the memories of pleasant times with our families and friends. We can look back at the positive. But what's the purpose of examining the negative things over which we had no power?
Quite likely most of us have dark corners in our past. Things we're ashamed of. Or perhaps distant memories of abuses we suffered when we were too young to defend ourselves. We can reflect upon these memories all we want, but unless we're doing so in the company of a good therapist, it serves little purpose to do so.
Instead, we should assess our lives as they are in the present moment. Take an inventory of our assets and liabilities, with the idea of building our future upon what we have in the present moment. If we can do that we won't waste time on useless reflection.
