I had a lengthy conversation today with a woman who's had longtime issues with her mother. She and her mother have been at each other for years because they just don't get along. The daughter thinks her mother doesn't give her enough of herself. The daughter blames her mother for pretty much anything that's negative in her personal life. Among these negatives is her lack of success in business, her failed marriage, and the poor relationship she's had with her father over the years.
The last time I talked to this woman I asked her "why do you even talk to your mother if it's so painful?" I went on to explain that there's not much point in trying to have a relationship with her mother if she always ends up frustrated and angry. Life's too short to walk around with negativity festering inside of us. At the end of our talk, she said that she was going to cease communicating with her mother because it's never worked out.
When I talked to her today she thanked me and said she hadn't spoken to her mother in about a month. And that she felt much better. However, she did spend a lot of time discussing her mother's character defects. As if trying to reassure herself that she'd made the right decision by no longer talking to her.
Actually, the reason I suggested that she no longer talk to her mother was so she could examine her own part in their poor communication. I know she loves her mother and that someday she'll figure out that she has a major role in their poor relationship. And that maybe she'll reach out to her in a more mature manner to try to heal their differences.
And the other part of the situation is that maybe these two will never get along. After all, how many of us would have chosen the relatives that we ended up with? In most families, it seems like there are always people who don't get along and probably never will. My rule is that if I can't get along with someone after I've been trying to improve our communication, then I'm willing to give them up.
And it's really that simple. I wasn't put here to suffer at the hands of anyone. And especially those with whom I'm supposed to have a close relationship.
